Things were bad when the lead actor for Bedtime for Bonzo, Sonny Bono, a professional wrestler, and that roided up Austrian guy all got elected to public office. If the 2020 ticket is Kanye vs a sitting Trump, I may just kill myself.
I have a yard. Around that yard is an electric fence. Inside the electric fence is landscaped, beautiful grass and plants. Outside, I don't give a fuck. Sometimes animals pass under that electrical fence and decide to start digging holes in my yard. And sometimes those animals need gentle reminders to stop digging holes in my yard.
Today I am celebrating labor day by browsing Craigslist for hours and sitting in my underwear. It's shaping up to be a great friggin day.
I'm sitting here drinking Costco's Cuban roast. It tastes like jackbooted revolution, commrades, and black as the imperialist capitalist pig's soul. Bebemos! Jambalaya night at my house. Shrimp, homemade tasso, kielbasa. Got some rich seafood stock unfreezing. Chronic depression aside, I eat really well. Made a roasted tomato jam for my bacon gouda burgers last night. It was goddamn glorious. My cousin's damn chihuahua. Those doll eyes keep looking into my goddamn soul. Apparently she keeps it locked in its cage all day while she's at work. So it has no idea what to do with itself right now. I tried playing with it, but all of its toys are too fucking big for its jaws to grab. So I just make fun of it. I like to think it understands. Edit: Captain's log: Chihuahuas do not like espresso.
I finally got around to visiting the new Costco here. I have heard amazing things about the price and quality of Kirklands, but I thought--how did they get around this state's asinine ABC rules? I'm sure there was some wheeling and dealing behind closed doors, because that 1.75 handle of Kirkland's vodka was 17.99. It warms my heart. Let's see the cousin's doggie.
It's great. If you need 2 gallons of tequila and a 10 pound hunk of pork for under $40 bucks, they have you covered. Shit Eyes doesn't show up on film. The only usable shot I got of her is in the pet thread.
What a pitiful creature. To be honest I wouldn't know what to do with an animal that size, but it looks like it needs help.
We have two of those things. Except they are like half the size. Picture more like this: That's basically what one of them looks like. Full grown. The other one is her biological sister and their favorite thing to do is sit and be stupid all day. I'm convinced they are the reason we get so many coyotes around here. So of course once my wife brought them home (wasn't my doing), she wanted me to get a big dog to protect them. Because guns aren't enough of a deterrent against coyotes apparently. Now I live in a zoo with five dogs, a cat, a wife, and a kid. And people wonder why I have so many outdoor hobbies.
Hate to point this out, but there's different sorts of armadillos, here's Revengeofthenerds's enemy: The nine-banded armadillo, enemy of lawns, where it digs for delicious invertebrate prey, and it is noted for its ability to swim, the fact that it carries leprosy often, it is called a Hoover Hog because Depression-era poor Southerners ate them and they taste evidently like pig, it always gets pregnant with identical quadruplets and for the love of gods, it does not understand how to avoid cars: But at least it's not the the giant armadillo from South America, who has been anecdotal-known to exhume and eat human corpses and is renowned for problem solving intellect in captivity for breaking out of their enclosures:
Then there's the saddest armadillo species, the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which looks like a hedgehog, a pink-dyed hunk of alligator leather and a mole were mixed together into one thing: I mean, shit, look at this poor thing. If rats looked like that, people'd go out of their way to mock them and make kissie-wissie faces at them instead of just killing them with poison and traps.
Idiots all of you. Thank goodness for that. Getting the grill ready for a tri-tip and some potatoes. the wife has left me alone for the most part and this 12 pack of Sierra Nevada has mellowed me enough to leave stupid reputations for the posters above me. Happy Labor day, bring on the fall and College Football.
Yes bring in the college ball. Speaking of which, tell Virginia Tech's tailback to tighten up or the boosters are going to want their Rolex back:
This is very important breaking news. Jon Hamm is single. And so is his miraculous wang. Back to your regularly scheduled drunk thread.
Those asshole football players who blindsided the ref are on national news now. Texas has opened a criminal investigation. Apparently, in Texas you can be charged with assault of a ref.
Pff, he might be better looking than me, but he's not the only one with miraculous wang. Not like mine hasn't parted the red sea a few times...