4/9/2015 WDT NSFW

If that wasn't assault I don't know what is.

 

Parker to the white courtesy phone, paging Parker to the white courtesy phone.

 

They've also been banned from playing football (duh) and kicked out of school.

I imagine they'll have plenty of time to recount their glory days behind bars. Nothing to do in there, might as well work on your GED, am I right Dixie?

 

Spent an awesome long weekend in NYC. Got the itch to move back, at least for awhile, first time I've felt it in awhile even though I visit about twice a year. One of my best friends who is probably most aligned with where my life is at this point just moved the recently, so that likely contributed a lot.

Also had my first dalliances with MDMA. Different experience than I imagined but was a big fan. Unfortunately my jaw feels like I sucked off an entire football team. I had to pop Advil just to eat dinner.

 

I feel like one could really fuck their wrist up in, you know, sprinting and tackling and the other exertions necessary to football, and fuck up the watch & their wrist in one. This just seems so ill-advised.

 

If you can't handle his swag, just say it.

 

His swagger is so smooth, and I am so jealous. Please forgive me my failings of character.

 

It would probably be against the rules for someone to provide a college football player with a $10,000 watch and no one breaks NCAA rules regarding that sort of thing. He must have a part time job.

 

The businesses surrounding the campus of Florida State seem to have some really good part time jobs available.

 

Man, first Hitchbot and now Pepper. We're going to really piss the robots off if we keep this up:

Man arrested for assaulting Pepper, the robot that can read your emotions

http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2015/09...ot-that-can-read-your-emotions/?intcmp=hphz06

 

It came out that he was it was a G-Shock watch that was something like $150

 

What? Is this a cue for me to make some joke about how large my penis is? I can't do that anymore. I can't afford the fees required to use it's name or likeness in jokes.

Also, I feel fucking terrible about this, but once I saw Jon Hamm's girlfriend years ago I thought "It's a matter of time." It's scientifically proven that the chance of the relationship succeeding when the male is fully aware he's more attractive than women is closer to 0% than 50%. I'm sure she's a great person, but I bet it's been rocky for awhile and has just gotten to the point of no return. Jon Hamm might also be an alcoholic, but that's only part of it. He's getting more pussy thrown at him at the age of 44 than he did from 18-35.

 

Being 44 years old with the same problem, I feel for the guy.

 

I want to plow his girlfriend 5 ways from Sunday. I'll be vacationing in Cali this month. It's fate.

 

I'm sure she's a nice person, but...before her plastic surgery she looked okay. After her plastic surgery she looked like a hotter version of Lisa Kudrow, who still wasn't that hot.

 

In funny news, in Athens, GA there is a Tree That Owns Itself, a white oak tree that is a second-generation property owner.

A damn tree, and its offspring both, had rights in Georgia before women or people of color had the right to vote and other inalienable human dignities and rights. Let that sink in for a moment.

 

Also, the fact that it is a white oak tree? Jokes writin' themselves, here.

 

I assume it drove the native red oaks out of the area.

 

I assume it also kept black oaks to photosynthesize for it. Lazy gentry tree.