It's a fact that over the course of their life, the average person will swallow half their body weight in spiders while sleeping at night. Spoiler A fact I just made up, that is.
This was in my Facebook feed this morning, posted by an old high school friend: Yeah, it's definitely her fault, you awkward, creepy bastard. This guy was paying thousands of dollars for "seduction workshops" about 5 years ago, then he lost the rest of of his money trying to sell Amway. Now he's a member of some giant megachurch where they promise you financial success through Jesus. Good to see things are working out well for him.
Like little house spiders or chomping down on desert tarantulas? Spoiler Not only is this an urban legend, it's an urban legend designed to track the spread of urban legends.
I'm going to come to all your houses and leave spiders in your beds. So if you could send me your addresses, that'd be great.
He took seduction classes and his angle is to play the Nice Guy? Dude was taking the WRONG seduction classes. You see Chief, if you want to rock the hb9's you have to take seduction classes from from a PUA who wears suits stolen straight from the Don Knotts Three's Company wardrobe. There's two things you need about sarging hot Bethany's: peacocking and negging. Wear a sombrero to the club. Ask her what brand of whitening strips she uses and compliment how the Bulimia paid off. At that point just grab and tongue-kiss her. She's yours now, anyway.
Hey don't let the other arachnids feel left out, I found a live scorpion in a bed last summer when we visited Lake of the Ozarks. Can't forget those freaky bastards...
Aren't they the Arizona State Insect That Hides In Your Shoe And Causes Paralysis? Then of course you have New Mexico's State Killer Wasp That Eats Tarantulas Alive. The South-West is the Australia of America.
Today I was doing an audit in a rural area in southern Virginia and the town we were in is so small it has one restaurant. As in, other eating out options would be the fried chicken at the gas station. So the business manager took me to the restaurant and I'm looking at the dry erase board with the specials, and two of the specials come with a side of "garlic nuts." I say, "I wonder what garlic nuts are?" He shrugged - he's not from that town, he lives in a larger town further west. I looked at the menu, and the garlic nuts were listed above the garlic bread. Then it hit me. Knots. It's supposed to be fucking garlic KNOTS. I share my theory and he tried not to laugh. Then he said, "Well, I'm not surprised, the menu also includes steak salad with your choice of chicken or steak." We just gave each other a look like we didn't want to be laughing at how hickish this joint was, but goddamn. What really got me though, was the fabulous radio show I listened to once I got far enough south that the Richmond stations fitzed out. It was called Tradio. Basically, people call in with stuff they want to sell (no businesses, and you can say up to four items), or stuff they want to buy, or if they lost something. It's literally the classifieds on the radio. There were a handful of cars, some lost dogs, a lost change purse that the woman's grandma gave to her - she called in a second time with a description, some people wanting car parts like carburetors or transmissions, and a FUCKTON of people selling lawn mowers. I mentioned this to the business manager, and he said, "Oh yeah, it takes me four hours to mow my lawn."
I like how this started out as you mocking them but then you accidentally became a legitimate expert on PUA terminology and tactics.
So I made beer can chicken for the first time tonight. Why has it taken me this long to try this out? It was the juiciest chicken I've ever had. I can't explain it.
If you look at their message forums, you'll see that's pretty much a spot-on mash up of their inane bullshit. However, I forgot cologne. LOTS of cologne. Spray it on every time you're about to talk to a girl. Beer an chicken is sooooooooo goddamn good. It taste like you enhanced the molecular structure of the meat to taste like something your brain can't fathom in our universe.
Is this a weird cry for help? On second thought, I don't want to know. Watched 'Wolf of Wall Street' starting last night and just finishing up this morning (Jesus that movie is long). Anyone else think it was 'Goodfellas' with more crime and drugs? Just me then? Ok. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Well to be fair both Henry Hill and Jordan Belfort are from the same geographic area (Upper Queens-Western Long Island area). Saw this article: <a class="postlink" href="http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/netflix-adultery-afflicts-half-of-relationships.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/netflix ... ships.html</a> Guilty as charged. FutureWife loses her shit when I watch one of "our shows" without her. Im sorry sweetheart, but i cant go to bed at 9PM like you. I watch 24, Mad Men, Silicon Valley, House of Cards, and Orange is the New Black in secret with headphones like a fucking criminal. Then I feel guilty about sitting through the episode again feigning shock and interest to whats going on. I cant handle the stress. At least she doesnt watch or care about Thrones or Walking Dead. Jesus, I watch more TV than I thought.