Seems like an appropriate time to come out of lurking as I just started my medical school rotation in OB and just got home from my first delivery. The whole time all I could think of was that scene from Superbad. "Have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Not for me." You think watching crowning or looking at the placenta is gross... try having to be the one who reaches into the uterus during a C-section to detach the placenta and yank it out. Those things feel as gross as they look.
On the other hand that counts as reaching third base doesn't it? Or is that fifth base? Okay, I have some problems. You don't have to answer.
Hmmm, that's an excellent question. Can it really be third base if you are elbow deep in a uterus without touching the vagina?
See, that's what I said! That's why we should invent a fifth base. Unless anal is fifth base. Maybe some sort of double-secret base that only people who go to college for six plus years can reach. EDIT: By "Six plus years" in college I don't mean you dropped out of Communications or General Arts four times.
Re: Re: Re: Re: 5/2/14 WDT NSFW Can you imagine having to steer clear of the placenta in the freezer every time you went to get some ice cream? All this placenta talk has reminded me of a kid in high school who didn't know what the word meant. I guess he thought placenta was a dirty word or a sex act or something, he would yell it out randomly in class. He turned bright red the day the teacher told him what it actually was. I feel like I've typed placenta more times today than I should in a life time.
I went to high school with a guy who thought babies and pee came from the same hole. That he didn't know what a placenta was (we always called it afterbirth) isn't a surprise.
Re: Re: Re: Re: 5/2/14 WDT NSFW Which raises the question: Exactly how pussy whipped do you have to be to eat your wife's placenta?
Re: Re: Re: Re: 5/2/14 WDT NSFW When I was in grade seven or eight, a girl from my class raised her hand and said that "her friend had arrived" and she had to leave school. So guess who's gears turned first. I'm thinking "Wow, that sure is a great friend to get you out of school for the day!" you know, because I'm stupid. So I told the teacher the next day that MY friend had come to take me from class, which of course made the girls erupt into giggle fits while the teacher calmly walked down the aisle to my desk, smacked me up the back of my head and sat down again without saying a word, just shaking his head in either hilarity or disgust at me. When I found out what it was people finally stopped reminding me of my close encounter with retardation about two years later.
This scene comes to mind. Not gunna lie, I felt pretty sick watching it. I think I read somewhere it was a giant gummy bear that she was actually eating.
You can get Gummis made of anything from 3d scanners. Including yourself: ...yes. You can literally eat a life-sized version of yourself or your mate or whatever floats your creepboat. I thought the price of one would be insane but nope, they're only something like $6000 yen (that's what, seventy bucks?!?). I don't know if they make them over here. They are half-awesome, half-creepy.
Re: Re: Re: Re: 5/2/14 WDT NSFW Lets not forget lots of animals eat their own vomit and shit. And knock over our trash cans at night. And palatable, delectable dead flesh (which is used as a spitting mace): ...animals are disgusting and stupid. People who eat placentas are disgusting and stupid. Eat some fucking egg whites and stop dancing naked around bonfires at night. Reprehensible.
I'm having a really hard time not responding to some of the old questions on the advice board. For example, did Tanisha ever text that guy back? Is she still horny? And most importantly, are they still facebook friends? I just picture her wallowing in her horniness all these years, waiting for someone to help her and nothing. For shame, TiB, for shame. My son had a friend that thought he would start wetting the bed when he hit puberty. Oh Crown, to be clear, you said we could mock your advice question? What? I was just going to suggest to see what Paris Hilton did to grow her business as she seems to be one of the top 5 DJs in the world (according to her) and makes quite a bit of money at it. That's all. Or, try dressing fancy: Spoiler Or the awesome dance moves: Spoiler Maybe throw in a costume: Spoiler Just some ideas. Word would spread pretty fast if you did any of this. You're welcome.
First of all, I encourage sarcasm and jabbing in the Advice Board. Just not venom. The advice board threads would usually start serious and become hilarious. To answer your question, I doubt Paris Hilton is doing anything in front of that mixer. And I do mean ANYTHING. Being a disc jockey is the easiest job in the world to fake: pre-mixed CDs, laptops that beat match for you and a thousand other cheats you can use to take all the fun out of it. It's like going to see a band play and they bring a ghetto blaster out on stage on pop in their greatest hits CD. This is fucking priceless to watch. I hate jumpy, raise-the-roof DJs. You're not a musician. You are a medium. And like so many you see in bars, a fake one in this video:
So you're telling me I can get a life sized human gummy for $75 and I'm paying $7 for a bag of Haribo? OUTRAGE I think part of the issue is the term DJ has gotten so fucking polluted. Alot of the big name "DJs" wouldn't even call themselves DJs. They are producers. And if you go to a festival, the way they set up and churn through acts with no downtime, really limits what they can do. For example, one of my favorite acts in electronic music right now is Madeon. I saw him at a festival last year and at a pool party the same weekend, and both times it was him and 2-3 Pioneer decks, plugged in a USB and most was pre-mixed. But yet he can do this... And his headlining gigs has alot of crazy live mixing and sampling. So I think its expectation setting for some people. You're expecting DJ Scratch, but that's not their MO. That being said, idiot bar DJs who just barely transition from song to song are pretty terrible. I was at a club last month with friends and we were near the booth. I was talking to the DJ, who is pretty "notable" and plays alot around Chicago, and I asked him about how he sets up his folders, mentioned circle of fifths, and he basically said he just trys to match BPM. I was stunned. I mean, you just go to Beatport and it blatantly tells you the key. There is software that will sort all your songs by key and BPM. You don't even need perfect pitch.
They're called Launchpads, and you can program them to do what you personally want them to do: samples, single notes, cue a song, or like he did mash-up songs. It can be a synthesizer or a producer's mix deck. Deadmau5 uses a custom touchscreen when he DJ's (he's another DJ than truly works works during live shows) and manipulates his music manually rather than just playing them.
I'm not usually passive aggressive, but last night I had to fuck with my buddy's fiancé. She's horrible, and he's going to have a miserable life. So what did I do? I went into her personal bathroom (yep, she has her own) and stole two rolls of toilet paper and flushed the rest of the paper on the current roll down the toilet. It was very petty and I may have had a whiskey or two in me, but I left with a smile on my face.
If you were really serious about fucking with her, you'd have replaced the toilet paper with white sandpaper. But hey, that's just me.
Or do like I did to my friend's girlfriend the other day and expose glaring insecurities and weak spots in their relationship causing her to have a near panic attack in public. The back story here if that he's about to start applying to residencies and she's trying to tell him where to go based on the proximity to his ex girlfriend. The bitch will not tell him where to practice medicine.
It's horrible watching a friend marry a monster. It's like they're murdering them in front of you while you're tied down to a chair and gagged. Most can never be direct because they don't want to hammer a wedge between them and their friend, and if you ARE honest about how you feel they won't listen to it. This happened with my friend, who married the type of woman who smokes in the car with a baby in the back seat and the window rolled up good and tight. Her personality made the Manson Family look like "Up With People!". The only explanation why my friend would be with this girl is the unknown-- meaning, she must do things to a man's cock that would make Catherine Tramell look like your hand.