You don't aim high enough. If you really want to ruin someone's day, spray some pepper spray on their roll of toilet paper. This works especially well in porta potties at music festivals and other places that the great unwashed gather. Just hang around outside the biffy and wait for the fun to begin.
People who work from home. Otherwise, I imagine most people's ass will sweat when they work (unless they use a mesh chair, like a Herman Miller Aeron), so as they sweat, the heat slowly leaches the dried hot pepper through the clothes.
Whose asses sweat by sitting? Really? I learn something new everyday. And I'm bringing my own chair with me from now on. Everywhere. Of course Lysol wipes might be a bit easier now that I think about it. So on facebook there's this friend of friend that was in the hospital and let everyone know where he was and his room in case someone wanted to visit him. I believe he has cancer and was experiencing chest pains. While he got a lot of Best Wishes, some dumbasses responded with "You're in General? They suck!" "Geisinger is so much better!" And my personal favorite "My dad almost died there!" I'm sure that's everything he wanted to hear about the hospital he's hoping will help him live. People really need to think sometimes.
I just saw someone on FB who edited his own wedding photo and for his now wife had a photo with "The Glowering Bride" used as a caption. This is the best.
Skinny 'ol me can get one hell of a sweaty ass after conducting an hour-long sales demo webinar while sitting in my office chair, but it's more of an nervous/anxiety reaction... not body mass. I hope. That's what I told HR last year, and the assless chaps helped with that issue (fashionable and functional) but they never listen.
A friend of mine used to put laxative gum inside a pack of Trident and walk through the halls of the school, loudly shaking it until someone asked for a piece. Fucking brutal.
Mesh undies are the key. They contain, yet ventilate at the same time. Win-win. And they look great with leather socks.
Poor guy: "I have a year to live, I'm going to fight it" "Friends": "At General? Good luck." Pics or it didn't happen.
Well at least he was partially collect, since she'd eventually feel that way after seeing the caption. He just did it in advance. Along those lines... if she has a chocolate stash, you could re-package some Ex-lax chocolates and stick 'em in there too.
I have an awesome neighborhood. Except one guy. This guy. This guy is a fucking dick. And he's installing a pool in his backyard. Apparently Maryland is really WET during winter/spring. Go figure. REALLY WET ground doesn't support building a pool, so most people don't get one installed til the rainy season is over. THIS GUY decided to save money and have it installed NOW. We're going on two months - and there's no pool. The contractor JUST got the rebar put in. Know what though? There's fucking mud everywhere. I can tell you that. And there're random people parked in front of my house. That's happening. And my side yard, adjacent to his yard, is covered in mud and tracks. So that's cool. And he's also decided to replace the siding on his house at the same time. Which is fine. But they start working at 0630. I am all for home improvement, and I fucking love swimming pools. But goddammit. Stop being a dick, neighbor man.
If you don't have a fence there, what would putting one up do? Would his contractor not be able to get to the backyard? Would it create too much animosity amongst neighbors?
Our fence starts at the back of the house - there's not one on the side...YET. I'm tempted though, to put one up from the back property line all the way to the front. AFTER they fix what they've done to my grass and my yard. I asked the contractors - "You're gonna fix this, right? Because...um...y'all are fucking my shit UP over here." and they assured me they'd take care of it. We'll see. We don't have an HOA, and I don't care about whether this guy likes me or not. But I would have to check county code.