So I just had dinner with one of the premier birders/ornithologists in the world. He has been to over 100 countries just to bird, and most recently he was in Bhutan. Apparently they all draw giant dicks on their houses there. Like, 6 foot, hairy, ejaculating cocks on their house. It is like a nation of Fat Fucks from Superbad. That was all he could talk about, not the amazing birds, but the cocks painted on every house.
I wish I could drink. Today was terrible. Fuck. The combination of slow day and terrible people make me want to strangle a kitten. Oh, we found a kitten at work, too. I gave my coworker some powdered formula to care for it until she can get it to the shelter tomorrow. I hate cats.
I don't think Buddy would be pleased if you brought a cat home. He doesn't seem like the kind of animal that likes to share the spotlight.
I brought that squalling pair of kittens home a month or two ago and he didn't really give much of a shit except for the drooling and chops licking. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had to keep an eye on him lest he eat dem pussies.
So long as he doesn't like to eat poo he's fine. When Rudy was a puppy he'd bring frozen poo nuggets into the house.
Luckily he's never done that. He doesn't eat puke, either. Oh, he'll lay down in it and we'll find it smeared around on the floor and in his fur, but never will he eat it. He's more of a grass eater.
I'm sitting on my grandma's front porch rocker, drinking a beer. This is in an old town of maybe 300 people in rural Illinois, in the area my parents were born and raised. That damn dog across town finally shut up so all I can hear now is frogs and cicadas chirping, and the occasional car coasting past on the highway just outside town like they all do. The air smells like clover and fresh cut grass. I don't think living here would suit me so well but visiting for awhile is nice. I think I'll have another beer.
Apparently the 2 weeks I was gone coincided with the 2 weeks when dandelions come into their own. Jesus Christ. Dear American brethren: I will pay good money to anyone willing to ship me some decent herbicide.
You can also spell funny shit into your neighbour's lawn with it, but motor oil while drunk works twice as rad
Fuck Roundup. Use 2-4-d. It'll kill everything but the grass. You have to go easy on that shit though, or it'll curl up the leaves on your trees. Better yet, write shit in their lawn with Miracle Gro. That way they have to mow the profanities off their lawn at least once a day. Some guys I know did that to their principal in high school. It was brilliant.
Sunday Morning had a piece on Barry Gibb. Jesus, I always forget how good those guys were. And the songs? Unbelievable.
I saw the Book of Mormon musical with my wife last night. I laughed harder than I have in years. If you have the chance pony up the $100 and go see it. The story is original. The climax almost made me pee my pants. Do not go if you are easily offended, and have any ties at all to the Mormon church or love for Jesus. You may get upset. For the love of God, it featured Satan getting a suck off from Johnny Cochran one on scene.