Back in the day I carried condems in the glove box, in a box on the fireplace mantel and in the bedside table. It is much easier, now that I have been clipped. My guess is pretty soon I will have leave some laying around for the twins.
No, I know better than that. They were at my place so I had them easily accessible. At that point in my life I didn't have to worry about them expiring.
FINALLY home from the hospital. El Preggo wife decided to go into labor early (as I called all along). Saturday night we waited until the Spurs game was over then made the made dash into town. A loooooong time later she finally had our son late evening sunday. He's in the hospital one more night to take care of some jaundice stuff on a baby tanning bed and we'll pick him up early tomorrow. For 3.5 weeks early he was born at a very healthy 5 lbs 15 oz and 19 inches long. And he's really tall too. A cold beer never tasted so good.
Aaaand it begins. Have fun Poppa Bear. There seems to be some kind of horrifying epidemic around here regarding babies. I'm sure glad I got immunized (well, I got old, close enough). I have about as much chance of getting knocked up as Bewildered does not talking about her poo for a whole week. Well that and if I did have a viable egg left in my body, it's way too tipsy to find it's way to the Impregnate Station. Oh, let's not forget my recent unfortunate bout with celibacy...that might be an issue as well.
Congrats! Glad to see my son...err, your son is doing well and is healthy! Please tell me you're willing to put up a poll and have us name him. I'm going with "Shazam McCool.'
"Butt Rogers" popped in to my head within a second of reading that sentence. Didn't even have to think.
You have to give it a douchey celebrity name that doesn't make sense. Name it "Nectarine", "Jeep Wrangler" or "Suplex".
You weren't able to tell? Everytime I've broken a condom I've known. Either I felt the latex snap or suddenly sex with a condom felt a whole lot like sex without a condom. And never did I keep pushing on. But then again, I kind of have a personal rule against finishing inside a vagina, condom or not. Just a habit.
It happened once to my girlfriend and I (on a nice vacation too), and neither of us noticed until afterwards. She's also on birth control so I wasn't totally freaking out but regardless I've never been more thankful to hear she was on her period.
For Christ's sake, stop buying your condoms out of coin operated dispensers in the men's room. A frequent reason they break - or so I hear - is that the condoms you are using are too small. Try Magnums.
All this bullshit is too complex. Just find your soulmate. You can't get pregnant if you're in love, your combined wills are too strong.
How come Bieber can basically say the N word all day long over and over again and tweet an apology, but Jonah Hill calls a harassing paparazzi photographer a faggot and is being endlessly raked over the coals?
That is so gay It's probably easier to just go gay. Homosexuals almost never get one another pregnant.
Because Jonah Hill said it to someone working in the industry that is presently raking him over the coals. Just wait Bieber out, no way he doesn't flame out here shortly.
He's an artist, man I don't get it either. It's probably because he's treated as an idiot with nothing meaningful to say to begin with, so when he says something stupid or racist, it's not really out of character; whereas, Jonah Hill is "serious actor" with two Oscar nominations.
For some reason I just looked up Bieber's "serious" awards to compare against Hill's, and the only thing that stuck out to me was his nomination for a BET's Best Artist award in 2010. Hilarious.