This type of shit is why I keep things simple with my mother. We go over her place for no more than an hour, and bring cards and some small innocuous gift. If we try to take her somewhere she bitches about having to go out. Our house is too hot, too cold, too drafty, has too many stairs, the picnic table is "dirty" if we eat outside, etc. etc. She thinks she's allergic to folowers, loses all her jewelry, can't eat chocolate, complains about whatever else we get her . . .Happy Mother's Day my ass.
This board makes me feel guilty for having a good childhood. My parents were risk-averse and made me work hard (only child syndrome) but the stories I hear of abuse and just toxic parental attitudes is just plain alien to me. I don't know how somebody can be perpetually shitfaced when they have a child. Blame their child for their own fuck-ups. Beat a child. Or worse. My father got the living shit beat out of him by his alcoholic WWII vet dad five days a week for over fifteen years. He never hit me once, not even a scary threat. I guess living through childhood hell deep down inside he managed to know the difference between right and wrong. If that rubbed off on him at all I would have had it had. As Passive and kind as my dad is, he's incredibly intimidating and tough. And not afraid of anybody.
I'm right there with you. I actually just emailed my parents this a few months ago - I was talking to some coworkers and they were trading stories about crazy parents, massive embarrassments, borderline abuse, etc. I basically had nothing to contribute, and I emailed my parents to tell them so. My mom is eccentric as hell and doesn't always have her priorities in order, my dad is a little over-protective and risk-averse... but they're good people, who were good parents, and any dysfunction we have is pretty normal/benign.
Yeah. I grew up poor - but my parents worked hard and taught us the difference between taking and earning, and right and wrong. There were a couple of times they crossed a line - but overall, our level of fucked upedness was quite low compared to many people.
So despite my mom being a fucked up mess my dad is a saint. So I grew up kind of half fucked. My dad grew up somewhat poor, the youngest son by 9 years, was neglected by his parents but he made something out of himself. He finished his Ph.D. up by 33 and went on to have a successful career. He's also been a great role model and parent. I admire the hell out of him, he's helped all my siblings and supported us in so many ways its hard to believe. His biggest flaw was he never divorced my mom. He didn't move on because he has some sense of responsibility for her...Never understood it, still don't. Father's Day is a much happier day for me.
I loved my mother when i was younger, as any kid would. I can't say i've felt that way in a long time. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a mother that I actually liked and had respect for.
Yeah this board in particular makes me realize I can't take that for granted... of course no parents are perfect but all things considered mine are great.
I spent Mother's Day explaining to my mom how to message people on Facebook and showing my dad how to record his voice on his phone so he could fuck with my mom. Yeah, this board definitely has some interesting parental stories and I definitely feel like my parents checked off all the necessities and just a little bit more. They both grew up poor, but eventually earned some money. Funny thing is they still constantly claim to have no money, because they never got used to the idea of having it. Then they'll do shit like donate disgusting amounts of money to their failing church, but won't get cable because it costs too much.
I was at the wedding of my childhood best friend this past weekend and my parents were also invited. I'll complain about how my Dad is kind of a dork and constantly annoys me and my sisters with his fashion choices, and my Mom can be over the top, but hanging out with them in that setting let me see how lucky I am. Both are just super outgoing and friendly with everyone, they were some of the last people to leave, and were dominating the dance floor all night. Multiple of my friends commented to me how much fun my parents were and the grooms parents told me after the reception how happy they were that my parents brought the party with them and how awesome they were. It feels good. Now if only I can get my Mom to stop asking all of my friends why I don't have a serious gf. Now that my youngest sister is 18 and going to college next year, my Mom has started to get the itch for a wedding and myself and my 25 year old sister are catching the heat. Le sigh.
I love both my parents very much and have zero complaints about my upbringing. There celebrating their 30th in June. Here's some highlights from our Mother's Day brunch at a fancy restaurant with my grandma: -I come back from getting a first helping helping of yummies, and catch the tail end of some comment my grandma was making: "...And when that happens, they'll be no more white people." -My dad loudly providing an unrequested update on how he's been murdering squirrels in the backyard: "Yeah, I popped this one bitch in the head with the .22L yesterday from the barn window. She flopped around a bit because half her face was missing and made some weird squealing noise as she scampered off into the woods to die. She was married to the male I threw the hatchet at last week." My brother upon retrieving some chocolate mousse from the dessert table: "Looks like some old lady's diarrhea coagulated. Tastes like chocolate though." My dad recalling a recent experience at the post office: "Not sure why I had to wait in line. This Japanese woman kept staring at me. At least she looked Japanese, could have been the sun playing tricks with my eyes."
My parents were married for 30 years and hated each other for 31 of them. It's weird, I can't say as I know my parents very well. My dad was super quiet and gone on business a lot. My mom was always super depressed, lying in bed all day (she did work from time to time), lots of painkillers, etc. Now I'm 41, and when I was a kid, parents getting divorced was the new big thing, and I remember vividly thinking 'wow, I wish mine would.' I must have been about 8 or 9 at the time. I just never particularly formed much of a bond with either of them, they were too volatile (I don't mean beatings/etc.). It was easier to just keep to myself. My dad passed in 04, and haven't really spoken to my mom in about 3 years. I think they did the best they could in a really shitty circumstance, but would have been better off divorcing, at least then maybe one of them would have been happy. I think they spent so much of their lives hating each other that they never figured out how to love anyone, including themselves. It's really sad, but even given that, some situations are better off left behind. Needless to say, didn't call my mom on Mother's day. She's a neverending well of misery and complaint, and somewhere around 2010 I just couldn't take it anymore.
I am actually incredibly grateful for the childhood that I had because it partially formed me into the man I am today. I learned how I should not act and how I should not treat others. Even as a child I recognized my family dynamic was not normal. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to lash out at my son but catch myself and realize it was the same stupid behavior my mother and father exhibited with me. Having a not so great childhood has also led to me to some great (and some not so great) traits in my love life. I'm still thankful for all of the lessons it has taught me and all the ones I learn every single day. It has been a powerful motivator for me to succeed in life.
She's pressuring you two get married? And I thought everyone else's parents stories were fucked up. At least she can kill two weddings with one stone . . . or something like that.
Juice's story reminded me of when we went out to eat one time with my brother and there was a buffet. He gets his food and comes back and starts eating. He then tells me to stay away from the applesauce because it's awful. I looked at his plate and said, "that's because it's pineapple glaze for the ham." I'm laughing typing it as I can still see his face. I think it was my sig for a while. My mom is really conservative and one time when my sister and I were visiting her, my sister was telling this story about a guy that was upset because kids kept messing with this pool table. She stops and says, "can you blame him, what guy wants his balls played with?" The best part was that she help up a hand and cupped it as she said it. All I could think was "don't look at mom, don't look at mom." But then my sister and my eyes met and we lost it. Luckily my mom found it funny as well. I was in the bathroom at Target this past weekend and this 3-4 year old comes in and says, "Jesus Christ, I was almost done for out there." I looked around but he was only with his sister who was like 5. All right then. I think he almost hit a cart or something. Oh yeah, and someone charged $1600 on our credit card. Listen, if there's a trip I'm paying for, I'm the one going on it. And I'll use the Coach purse they bought on it was well. I'm thinking it's a girl for some reason. And Wegman's. $400 at Wegman's. It's a grocery store. They have some other stuff there, but really?
Regardless, pressuring your kids to get married is bullshit. Why is this such a necessity to life to so many people? Being married doesn't make you better than anybody who isn't married. There is no magical attitude or personality change. And getting married just because she's pregnant is the dumbest fucking thing on earth. I thought attitudes towards marriage would get more lax in these times, instead they are becoming more militant and annoying. So many people out there want to use a wedding-- often not their own-- as a method of spotlighting themselves.
I think The Departed hits the nail on the head in regard to society's view of the importance of marriage.
A lot of that societal pressure is a hangover from English and American common law wherein if you had a child out of wedlock, as a father (or potential father) you weren't responsible for taking care of the child, nor would he inherit, nor in some instances COULD they even inherit. Unless you 'acknowledged' the child (Ben Franklin did this with a bastard - I mean 'bastard' in the actual sense of the word). So anyway, marriage was not only important for the woman (marriage conferred obligations for care of the wife under the law) but it also ensured, to the degree applicable you were responsible for the child's care financially, or you would face societal and legal problems. Obviously, that doesn't matter anymore, however the weight of society's preference for marriage derives from that. I imagine (and it's already happening) as more time goes by, and there is no legal difference between a child born in or out of wedlock, that will change.
I want to say I didn't hear anything about getting engaged or weddings when I drove down to my parents place with my girlfriend and sister yesterday. I also want to say all of my student loan debt was just forgiven. Neither of those things happened and somehow my sister still gets all offended when start answering questions with a middle finger after repeating that you don't want to talk about it. It seems like its the only thing my female family members are capable of talking about nowadays but my mom got the message and took it easy on me, which was nice. My dad and I managed to escape to the backyard and we spent a couple hours shooting beer cans with BB guns. It was nice.