You know, with all this talk about shit and bidets and psi and other quasi-engineering endeavours, you'd figure that the German's would be the subject matter experts. But you'd be wrong. Despite their tentacle porn and pixelated squishy bits, it's the Japanese that have got the toilet of the future figured out.
Screw German toilets. Those things are gross. That little shelf that lets you look at your crap? Awesome idea right?
I had a friend when I was growing up whose parents had a bidet in the master bath. When she first showed it to me I was like 14 or 15. It was installed exactly beside the toilet, and you could just move from one to another. I also stayed at a fancy hotel once where the bathroom had a bidet. It's just like a small shower head upside down. You dump it to Crumpit, wipe, move over to the bidet and get the refreshing spray for the bonus rinse. (If you're into the sensation, you linger there and rub one out. Or so I've heard.) This, however, is not recommended.
This makes me unreasonably happy, and hopeful that it actually works out: World's Largest Fart-In Planned For Hillary's Acceptance Speech
Dinner tonight: burgers and frozen fries. Except I'm an asshole who likes to try out funky shit and rub it in so this is how I'm doing the burgers... - NY strip, currently dry brining with some kosher salt (yes I know technically brining involves a liquid but I've always been told that's what you call it) - I'm going to dust it lightly with fresh cracked pepper, garlic salt, and some parsely - then slice it thin like I do my brisket. That's the "patty." - I have an infrared grill and it is amazing. If you've ever considered one, get an infrared. If you've never considered one, still get an infrared. If you don't currently have the money for an infrared grill, have your wife or girlfriend sell body for sex, take the money and use it to buy an infrared grill. If you don't have a wife or girlfriend, find one and then see the previous sentence. - "ketchup" will be made from a red wine and garlic glaze - make a roux, add olive oil and one of my favorite chilean wines and reduce along with some garlic cloves and rosemary - grilled yellow onion - grilled romain lettuce brushed with olive oil and minced garlic - cheese is gorgonzola crumbles wash down with shiner bock
Whole Foods started selling lion fish, an invasive species. Pretty good, tastes like snapper. Chalk up another of God's exotic creatures I have eaten. I'm coming for you Bengal tiger. So, this woman staged a bunch of divorce photos once she separated from her husband. I'm not sure which one of them should be celebrating*. *The husband. Definitely the husband. Edit: from the article's thread, some unrelated guy's checkbook he uses to mail off his alimony checks: https://imgur.com/54Q20aW Holy fuck that is brutal.
Hamburger and French fries for dinner tonight, but since I'm an asshole who likes to stir shit up... For the bun I'm using dough that I toss in the air until it becomes my desired size. For the ketchup I'm using pizza sauce. Lots of garlic in this shit. For the burger I'm using cured Italian meats. For the cheese I'm using Mozerella. This one isn't really much of a stretch. I know. Need to kick it up a notch. I'm going to slice the burger like a pie. It's really going to fuck with people. And instead of fries I'm going to slice some bread into strips and cover it with garlic butter. I really like experimenting like this.
A couple months ago I posted a live stream of a drunk Slav. Well, he's live streaming and drunk again. Enjoy.
My friends also apparently sometimes have this crisis. Am I the only person who looks to see the state of the toilet paper before I sit down on the toilet?
There's a place just a couple of miles from my house that's a local taco joint that really does some pretty good mexican food for a bunch of college aged white guys. They also have a sneaky good hookup to some random kegs of hard to find beers. So, I got unexpectedly drunk early on in the evening. Now I'm off to get drunker-er with my neighbor in his backyard.