Being an uncle is easy, especially at first. You'll get sent lots of baby pics from your brother, you'll pretend to pay attention to each and every one of them and you'll tell him how amazing the baby looks and is doing, be sure to facetime with them every now and then, and always ask your brother how your niece/nephew is. Also get ready to laugh about them complaining about how they're always sick from different viruses the kid picked up.
Then be the COOL uncle. You know: the one with the waterbed. The one who dry-humps the bridesmaids on the dance floor at every wedding. The one with porn magazines on his coffee table. The one who lets his niece/nephew drink a light beer or four in his cool-ass basement billiards den that you can escape from if the cops come because you put in a bilco door.
One of my cousins is crazy about his nephew(s). Luckily I think my brother will be indifferent to my level of attention to his kids. I'll put it like this, of us three brothers, my mom thought I was the best shot/going to be the first to have her grandkids.
Man having a niece or nephew is the tits. You roll in with an obnoxious present, play with them while you sip a beverage, and get the fuck out when they get fussy.
Even Blanks need receptacles. I'm just not trying to be the bum uncle. I'm about neck and neck at this point with my other brother on that topic. It's hard to be the pervy porn uncle with smart phones in all the kids hands. I guess I could bank some of the most popular topics of the day to bring some nostalgia. Step sister hand job vids, fake British taxi, etc.
My wife and I just had our 7 year anniversary. The wedding was beautiful, but the stories we have from the reception were truly what made it worth every penny. My family is full of seasoned alcoholics. Her family is full of rednecks who never drink anything stiffer than gas station beer containing the phrase "high gravity." They tried to keep up and failed. Since the reception took place, literally, in our pasture, im still shocked no one tried fucking the livestock (that they'll admit to). Though my wife's "cool uncle" lost his title that day when he drank all the gin at the open bar and proceeded to dance hump everyone, including her, in full view of his not-yet-teenage daughters. And to pre-empt the obvious joke: no my wife doesn't count as livestock, assholes.
Is this a real memory, or a post-concussion "oh yeah honey, you really did me good" type of memory to boost your ego?
No at that point I hadn't had any concussions. The first one we know of occurred about a week before my son was conceived. I went into the hospital for two days for that one and I still have no recollection of our first attempt to conceive. Though apparently it worked, and the kid looks and acts just like me and isn't black so I know he's mine.
The reason I knew this guy exists is because I've seen him everywhere, he travels around the country. Just like the shirtless, sweaty, 350 pound hunk of beefcake wearing black socks with flip flops who mows his lawn smoking a plastic-tipped wine cigar. The one who's wife makes him have sex with a shirt on AND the lights off. But there he fucking is, outside in the summer daylight, grossing us all out.
I've never been accused of having the best logic. At least I've never wanted to hit a goose in my truck though.
And on a related note to the bad logic thing, this weekend I'm going to be shark fishing at the coast. Out of my kayak. I'm sure that'll end well.
Altered the autocorrect function in my wife's phone to replace my name with "Sex Master." She discovered this when she sent a rather interesting text to my mother.
Tannerite seems to attract idiots with cameras like moths to a flame. An explosive flame. My two year old nephew will be in town this weekend, and yeah it is fun as hell being an uncle. My brother makes it weird by always conspicuously referring to himself as "the funcle" around him and trying to get all his attention like its a competition between us but I don't bother. Lil buddy doesn't care either and he seems to like me just as much as my brother so either way its all good. My sister has another one on the way so soon I'll have a third niece or nephew, and we're excited.