I think I told this story here about encountering a mother with two small children at the grocery store and the little boy was so fucking annoying that I had to retreat to the other side of the store to escape his incessant prattling. Well, I encountered the 14 yr old version of this kid tonight at Costco. I wanted so badly to punch him right in the nuts. It was him, his mom, and older brother. He was doing the "he made me do it" whining bullshit about something he had done to piss her off, and then he just kept going on about it. In this high-pitched voice. Jesus. I quickly grabbed my 15 ton package of toilet paper and navigated my barge-sized cart as far away from them as quickly as I could get.
I always say if you can't control them at 4, good luck when they're 14. I was at the store today and I heard what looked like a 4-year-old boy say, "Mommy I farted." Luckily I wasn't in the vicinity. It made me laugh though as I tried on my sneakers.
Other people's kids. I don't mind kids. I mind their parents. My youngest goes off to his dad's tomorrow. Friday MiniMe, The Husband, and I all go to Myrtle Beach for a tournament. I'm looking forward to the ocean and some sangria and some more baseball. This is the last big tournament of the year, and then MiniMe goes off to his dad's for a few weeks. The team is supposed to go the water park together (that's disgusting - water parks are so gross) and have some beach events together. I don't know about all of that. I like my beach time peaceful.
I had some delicious whisky (and whisky is how it is spelled; one changes the spelling based on the country one lives in, not based on the country the beverage hails from) from Colorado tonight and zoh my god if there's anyone from Colorado here tonight then let me tell you from the bottom of my heart you guys are all right. EDIT: but if you're from Colorado and you're reading this tomorrow morning then fuck you. Seriously? You think you can just totally go to bed at 11:30 local time and not read this and come in tomorrow and collect my drunken gratitude? Not even cool, man.
If rednecks don't bother you, go to the Bowery. Alabama was the house band back in the day and the band now just plays that good old actual country music. If you want peace on the beach head down to Pawley's Island, it'll be a 20 minute drive but there are no resorts on it so there is ample beach room.
It may be shallow, but my impression of a person is immediately dropped significantly when they "aks" if they can borrow my pen.
Well my weekend is going to be shot to shit and its only Wednesday. I have to go take my parents out for their anniversary, so there goes Saturday night. During the day on Saturday we are watching my cousins 5 year old daughter, but FutureWife has to work on Saturday, so Im watching her. Last time wasnt too bad, we went to a science museum, got ice cream, then had a rather upsetting rest of the afternoon. Instead of having a tea party or playing house or something, this kid likes to pretend shes operating on her dolls as a surgeon. I gave her dull kitchen utensils, spoons and such, for the operation and left the room. I came back and she was crying because her doll had died on the operating table and she couldnt save her life apparently... I dont have a ton of experience with kids, so Im not sure what were going to do yet, but usually I try to have something planned to A) keep her busy and pass the time and B) avoid the macabre that this kid apparently dwells in.
That... that's pretty heavy for a 5 year old. Just grab a soccer ball, find an open field, and kick the ball around until she's too exhausted to want to kill her dolls.
I belong to a similar chain gym. I like it cause its cheap (I pay $35 a month, I used to pay $80 and it was well worse), very clean, and close to my apartment. However, the place is absurd. From the constantly turning over training staff, most of whom appear to work out once a week at best (the front desk girls are in excellent shape, the female trainers? not so much. same for men) to the aggressive product sales pitches on the overhead speakers twice an hour, but its ignorable. HOWEVER, your Pizza Day reminded me. On the last weekday of the month, they have "Member Appreciation Day", put up balloons, some raffles, and FREE FOOD, YAY! However, the free food is pizza, chicken fingers, HEAVY pasta dishes, maybe a shitty tossed salad (aka romaine, shredded carrots, and cherry tomatoes). Its hilariously bad. Also, they've started their own Crossfit-style training. Basically just a more intense circuit training, but marketed as similar including a huge X in the name. Its in a sunken section just off from the squat racks and cable crosses. Thats fine and dandy, except they blast their own upbeat music...while different music is playing throughout the entire gym. So if you're working out there, without hefty noise cancelling headphones, its like listening to a random gym pop song in one ear and an aggressive hip hop track in the other. The one time I mentioned it to management, they looked at me like I'm crazy and asked if I was trying to sign up for the training. Idiots... Dat $35 a month doe...
Reminds me how dentists used to shove a big bowl of candy under a kid's face just after a successful check-up. "Great teeth! Here, eat the shit that rots them."
Job security... A former boss, superintendent of my hometown's street works department, said the same words once as he wildly swerved his truck to run over a squirrel in the road. "Pick that up later.... job security."
Like, what in the fuck? But i'd be lying if I wasn't intrigued a bit. "YO MAN WILL BLINDFOLD HISSELF IF HE KNOWS HE'S GETTING DAT HEAD" Though, that technique may be amazing, but I don't know if I could get off with that garbage disposal noise going on.
Hmm, I didn't share that here already? Must have been the other message board I belong to. That was making the rounds last month I think. The comment section was hilarious and at the time my favorite one was something like "It sounds like Predator eating soup."
Yea, this is old news, repost if you will. She thinks shes a god dam genius, everyone else thinks she's slow and weird. I wonder if those noises are added in or if thats really the sound she made.
My bad, it was a first view for me. El husband sent it to me today. "Now remember ladies, grapefruit is a fat burner. So you're losing weight while you're sucking his dick."
I guess if you want it, thats the way to go about asking for it. Either that or keep precut grapefruits by the bed side, although thats only a little, extremely weird.
My daughter keeps bugging me to dye her hair purple. Hair colouring never bothered me, heck I like it sometimes but isn't she supposed to wait until hormones kick in and she hates me for no reason?
Jesus, dating's changed. I didn't know I needed to dress my dick up to get a blow job. Maybe that's what I've been missing.