I planted mine last week and it is already so hot that there is no way any of these blooms are going to set fruit. Goddamnit. I told myself last year that I was going to skip tomatoes because of that issue, but my mom sprouted a ton of plants and gave me 12 for free.I probably should dig them up and put them in pots on the patio in the shade, because that is the only way they are gonna fruit. Today work was pretty great. The beer rep maybe gave me a bunch of samples. Maybe I had a buzz. Maaaybe I didn't. But I was in a great mood and things were going swimmingly. The coworkers were joking that I needed a preshift beer. I am not a morning person and I usually compensate with caffeine...but......
The year my wife was pregnant we had the craziest crop of accidental tomatoes. We think she puked off the porch after eating some tomatoes and 3 seeds just took off. She had some serious nausea at the time. Those tomatoes did better than our potted ones that year.
It was 113 when I left work at 2 today. God do I hate the desert. Why was I leaving work at 2? Because every time the temperature achieves hell level for the first time each year, I get sick. Not horrible sick, just annoying sick. My head is stuffed, sore throat, and that mild confusion that comes along with not feeling 100%. In 2+ years of working at this job I've used 8 hours of sick time, so I decided "Fuck it" and went home. And bought beer. If I feel like shit, I'm at least going to be happy.
Renting a beach house this weekend with the inlaws. Fishing should be awesome. Each family is assigned one night to make a meal. I've decided to do my french traditional white wine garlic cream sauce over scallops and shrimp. Except for the seafood I'm gonna grill it instead of pan sear it (over lump charcoal -- $20 says they've never seen it), and do my own spice mix for it with a lot of stuff they've never heard of like cardamom, clove, mace, allspice. I'm gonna confuse the shit outta some rednecks and it's gonna be glorious.
Heh. Just found out these fuckers have never heard of plantains before. I'm floored. Gives me a great excuse to make some dark rum caramel sauce. Little cayenne pepper in there for the heat on the back end. Baste that over some grilled plantains, top with vanilla bean ice cream and shredded coconut and call it a night.
MIL asked me if they were kinda like bananas. I said yeah, just like carrots are kinda like asparagus. At least she had a clue. Wife had never heard of them. I told her they were a staple of Latin American cuisine. She said "I thought Latin was a dead language." I have to remind myself that I am not cooking for these people, I'm cooking for myself and they're just eating the leftovers.
That reminds me of New Mexico and Arizona. Visiting relatives there was like the agony of suffocating without the sweet release of death.
My Asian pear is going well, but my peach and plum trees I think have given up, and just in their first months of planted life. Shit. The two apple trees and the cherry trees are still thriving away.
If you had a cool grandparent 60 years ago they were listening to this: I used to love playing this song. It's a total gas. Or something like that.
My dad sings this* all the time and up until this very moment I thought he made it up and my whole world just shattered. *And by this, I mean the first four lines.
My oldest brother is the least adventurous eater ever. It's kind of annoying because if we take him out it has to be some place he's comfortable with and thats not a long list. If its not from a chain he's familiar with he's not down. He basically only eats chicken, pizza, ground beef, and vegetables. The other day my brother went out in Denver and had beef heart tartar, I can only imagine him looking at that in horror. I don't even think he'd eat venison or elk if it was made for him.
Anyone ever eaten those red bananas you have to put in a paper bag to ripen? They're sweet, but if they are unripened they taste somehow even worse than green Cavendish bananas.
I've got two mature apple trees in my backyard and last year both fruited nicely. Bastard squirrels ate them all but regardless both were loaded. Now this year only one of them blossomed. Go figure. There's a bush that was just unreal a couple weeks ago, I only recently learned it's a wild azalea. Wish they lasted longer. Spoiler: flowers
I don't know a whole lot about other men's penises, but is it a complete myth that black guys are hung? 1% black North Dakota has the largest dicks, and 37% black Mississippi has the smallest dicks. I'm just saying. After a lifetime of watching white people get their ass kicked in every sport, I kind of want to believe this. I also find it funny that not only is Mississippi last in practically everything, they even have the smallest dicks. The 'study' is based on condom sales, but I find the idea of guys repeatedly buying over sized condoms equally amusing and almost as believable..