THE COTTAGE. THE cottage. The cottage. What is wrong with you Canadians? Cottage is not a propper noun.
Heard that. So my cousin was in town with her son and stayed with us and I finally learned what you parents have been bitching about insane unruly kids now for so long. The kid would literally never shut the fuck up. Instead of correcting or punishing the kid in really any form her and her husband just pacified him to get him to shut up for momentary lapses. Once he started tailing me and wanting to know everything I was doing I told him he had two choices. Not speak and watch what ever I was doing (cooking, playing video games, etc) or he could talk and not get to watch, he could only pick one. Shut him up pretty fast. Still he was sassy little shit on levels I would have been ashamed to act like in front of my parents at that age....
Does anyone wanna give my presentation tomorrow? I'm not very motivated and definitely not in the mood to practice. But, you'll love it. It's over Parkinson's Disease interventions and their respective evidence.
I don't understand what a Parkinson's disease intervention is. "Carl, your Parkinson's disease is tearing this family apart. We love you, but we cannot keep enabling you. Stop having Parkinson's disease, Carl, or you will no longer be welcome in this family."
I spent the day with my boyfriend's daughters, a 4 year old and a 10 year old, while he was at work. They're pretty well behaved, but it was still fucking exhausting. How are parents not dead on their feet 24/7? To add to that, we went to the pool, and I now have freckles on the back of my thighs right below my butt cheeks. Not a tan, freckles. Oh, the trials of being a ginger.
Oh is it cottage season already? Have fun cottaging at some remote location, possible a cottage? Whatever, I wont be able to have a mothercottaging cottage this summer because my cottagehead of a boss wont let me. Have a nice cottage, and cottage hard for the rest of us. Cottage.
This is the most awesome update in the history of everything. So many questions... When you called the front desk to inform them that the fish that had been in your care for 20 minutes was now expired did you yell hysterically "There's a dead body in my room!"? Did the person who delivered fish #2 drape a napkin over the deceased fish's bowl as he removed it from the room or simply dump it in the toilet? You didn't actually stick it up your ass did you? You realize that 99% of what I mention on this board is a really, really bad idea? Other then that, I commend you for actually ordering a fish. +1,000,000 Internets for unintentionally killing it within 20 minutes.
True. Did she just turn her back and the fish was dead? I find that highly unlikely, from my experience with fish they don't go from swimming to dead in 20 minutes. They usually spend an hour or two floating at the top of the tank flapping their flippers futility before they expire. Angel we're about to go full CSI on you. Best to fess up now.
Or possibly, she mistook fish bowl for toilet bowl and is pregnant. She did just suddenly and without warning get engaged for no apparent reason....
The way I see it, her man friend has had this ring for ages but she always shot him down. Only now, in her emboozened state, was she able to mistake the engagement ring for a cock ring. And now it is done. No take backs!
An engagement usually involves slipping a ring on an appendage, so are you suggesting Angel has a cock? Or that her man has a little tiny penis whose girth matches that of a woman's ring finger?
If you do my family medicine rotation for the next 2 weeks we have a deal. "So, you wanna go back to work tomorrow, huh?" "hmhm" "Kay" And the fucking temperature is in the 80s. Fun times.
I bought 3 goldfish at the Walmart my senior year in college. One died after about a week, one lived for about 2 years*, and the other one died at 13. True story. *After about 6 months, I came home to find fish 2 floating. I grabbed him by the tail and moved him back and forth in the water - I assumed I was forcing water and therefore oxygen into his gills. Or something, in a desperate CPR attempt. He started swimming and lived another 18 months. He may have just been sleepy. Oh, also, one of my roommates had taken in a couple stray cats. One day I came home from class, and one of the cats was on top of the speaker where the bowl was with his paw down in the water. He looked at me like, "What?" We moved the fish bowl to a high shelf after that. I also often cleaned cigarette butts and beer bottle caps out of the bowl on the mornings after parties. I have NO idea how the one fish lived for 13 years.
Your roommate took in stray cats? What the hell. I'd be intensely pissed off about that if I were you.
It's what, 10:30 and its already 30 (92) degrees. Good grief. There are people out jogging in this heat. Fucking birdbrains.
Runners as a group confuse me. Running is an activity undertaken because something scary is chasing you, or because some sadist named Coach is making you. People who do this shit for fun or for some sort of high are not to be trusted.
In this weather, they're either masochists or utterly retarded. Maybe they need a lesson from running in the heat from Martin Lawrence so they know how to properly get brain damage.