I made some ribs on my barbecue the other day. Holy fuck did they turn out good. I highly recommending a bit of turmeric to your rub, by the way. It will take your ribbing to the next level.
My aunt (Very accusingly) this morning: "Did you have a black girl over here last night?" (No) Not 2 minutes later she was accusing me of having an orgy and she was going to tell my mother. I have no fucking idea where that came from. Probably the same place as a few hours later when I asked her what she was looking for and she replied "My feet." I had to find her feet for her. They were right where she left them, at the end of her legs. After a while you have to laugh just to retain your own sanity.
What's hilarious is thinking that they could even hit the broad side of Uranus at point blank with those bottle rocket-propelled water heaters. "Weapons". HA!!!!
Tell her that your name is [insert her name].... Tape off certain areas of the carpet, like hopscotch, with masking tape, and tell her that everywhere else is "lava."... Play "Back to the Future;" any episode will do.... Turn on the Military Channel. Outline and follow through with an appropriate drinking game (such as: "every time the Americans sink a Jap, drink a split of champagne!")... SpongeBob Square Pants. Enough said.... Have a very long, deep conversation with her. Video it all. Then put that video on the TV, on repeat. She'll leave you alone for AGES, thinking she's having the same conversation over and over again! ... After you've had a few close relatives die during dementia, you learn to find the humor/efficiency in it. Sad for you she's dying. Hope you get out of it alive.
Im visiting my parents right now, and my mom got me balloons. Sweet. I'm not sure why, I don't know how old she thinks I am, but its becoming abundantly clear she's lost her mind. She is an alcoholic and pill popper. It kind of reminds me of those 90s drug commercials, this is your brain on drugs etc.
I have decided to start a new crusade against everyone on my facebook... attempting to get them off my facebook? I realize this is a loser's game. Por ejemplo: someone just posted a picture of a "delicious meal" they prepared for their girlfriend (also a friend of mine) which got way to many likes from single women whose husbands can't work a grill. My response:
If you give me your Facebook login info, I guarantee that at least 75% of your friends will have unfriended you within 24 hours.
So I saw this on Facebook earlier: Question: Is it bad that I watched her when she was a kid on "iCarly," and now I think she's hot?
I feel you. It is so bizarre seeing Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Miranda Cosgrove, Emma Watson, pretty much all the dudes from Harry Potter and thinking, "Dayum!"
And when I see the Olsen Twins I say "Damn! Not only has Steven Tyler managed to get uglier, bu there's TWO of him! Who did his make-up? He looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon!" ... Seriously, it was so hilarious listening to idiots thinking they would turn out attractive. Celebrity Blindness at its zenith.
I feel like if you post on Facebook like you do here, you could win fairly easily. I don't know any single women with husbands, so that may be part of your problem.
I meant "married women." Whoops. But this is the drunk thread right? So I made a drunken spelling mistake in the right place.
It won't be long before they run out of food and their population will crash. Nature has a way of taking care of things.