I think they both look like strung-out lemurs and always have. When you lose your looks at 15, you're doing something wrong.
Today's workshop presenter looks like Kathy Bates and I think she's drunk. She's laughing at things that aren't jokes, is making solid eye contact with the ceiling and keeps picking her underwear out of her ass through her muumuu.
Interesting coincidence, another internet acquaintance was just in DC a few days ago attending a conference and she also commented about an odd looking presenter. Her exact words:
Uh oh, looks like our most qualified candidate for the new job might be female (very rare in this field), we might have to stop saying sexist things.
"Sexual harassment in this shop will not be reported, it will be graded. It's graded on a curve. The better your curves, the better your grade. Any questions?"
Holy shit. Fried oyster poboys. Where have these been all my life? CANADA NEEDS TO GET THESE. Spoiler A sign I saw on my way out of DC: "It may be hot as hell here, but at least we're not in Florida". Take from that what you will.
All this talk of protecting our borders on the news... I say we need to wall ourselves off from Florida. Just one day, everyone in Florida wakes up and there is a giant fucking wall blocking them off from the rest of the US. From then on, Florida is free to become what it truly is: a glorified penal (see what I did there!?) colony just waiting for any excuse to go all "Road Warrior." We can send all the worst people there, a la "Escape from New York." It's half way there already. They can keep Disney, the Jaguars, and Marlins, and pretty much every awful criminal infested college they have. Maybe we can find a way to relocate the Bucs, Rays, and Dolphins overnight to cities that aren't in the worst state possible. If the owner of the Colts can move his entire franchise in secret overnight, I'm sure these guys can do it. This plan is really shaping up.
Would I be allowed to vacation there or would this be like Cuba? I love the craziness in Florida, it makes SC look sane by comparison. You know they make their bums where orange hazard vests in Tampa, and that is only because St. Pete made it illegal to be a bum.
Ohh, good call. Here is how it works: Groups of civilians can go in, but they're part of a group of mercinary soldiers. They spend two days training in shooting and surivival skills, and sign waivers acknowledging that they are risking their lives, then they (and the mercinaries that act as their bodyguards) can go in and travel the state for a few days, until they reach a helicopter extraction point. While in Florida, they are subjected to Florida laws, which is to say, none. This is just a vacation for danger-philes and risk takers looking for that next big chance to risk their lives. A few rules: 1) They absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, take anyone or anything out. They even try, their "bodyguards" are instructed to kill them. 2) As stated before, they sign a waiver acknowledging that they can be killed; maimed, or injured, and if they break the rules or disobey their bodyguard's instructions, they can be killed by their bodyguards, to ensure the survival of the guards. In other words, you do as you're told or you're killed. Sadly, that would probably be a big vacation attraction for some rather crazy people.
Quotes of the day: "Girl, you're lucky I don't have my teeth in. If I did, I'd bite you right now!" "My hair is nappier than a coon's ass." I'm really gonna miss this place.
Rising above all the Florida talk...is my erection. Good golly Miss Molly... <a class="postlink" href="http://chicago.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/the-definitive-australian-cleavage-picture-gallery/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://chicago.barstoolsports.com/rando ... e-gallery/</a> That's just an epic set
Just out of curiosity I went on Twitter to see if I could be toytoy88 there. Nope. Unless I'm mistaken I'm not a large black woman who can't spell and mistakenly hits the caps lock and decides fuck it, I'm postin' this shit. <a class="postlink" href="https://twitter.com/toytoy88" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">https://twitter.com/toytoy88</a> Like me having a Twitter account would be a good idea in any universe. I'd have a internet lynch mob complete with torches and pitch forks outside my door within a week.
Oh noes! I found a way to be a version of toytoy on Twitter. This can't end well. And no, I'm not going to share the @ with y'all. It's going to take me a while to learn to condense my shit down to 140 characters at a time. I see it as a challenge. Thus far I've typed out about 17 words and 8 of them are variations on "Fuck." Yep. This is the reason the internet was created...the world needs a blow by blow account of the random shit that goes through my brain.
Oh no, this is purely for my own amusement. I just challenged Jose Canseco* to a butt assed naked wrestling pay per view. This is the greatest thing ever. (What did you expect I would do with an account? Post pictures of cats?) *Like he's actually going to take me up on it, or even read what I wrote. I don't care, it made me laugh.
You do realize that you have to post your Twitter account now, right? It's a moral imperative. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPEWBEa8pqg
In honour of Charles Johnson and his homemade cocktails, I just went out and bought a bottle of Blanton's Original Private Reserve, orange bitters, oranges, and cherries. Old Fashioned's never go out of style.
I know plenty of dudes who are always down for an Ol' Fashioned. Especially at Drive-In movies. Seriously if you kids have the ingredients (or can afoord them) try a Sidecar. They are to die for.