Maybe she likes her legs flaccid. Or hypertonic with increased spasticity...rodeo style. Don't judge!
I think everyone here knows that this is a safe, judgement free zone. I was back in Boulder today and reminded why I love going back there.
Fuck fire. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fire!!! Wife wanted these boxes gone. I'd rigged a trash burn pit out of a 50 gallon barrel and a shop vac. Took one of those long ass matches to light it, no lighter fluid or anything, guess there was something residual from last time. Arms on fire. And now I'm waiting on painkillers to be filled (which I haven't had since my surgery like 8 years ago; I don't even take fucking Advil normally). Cotton gloves and burn cream are in my future. Can't feel my hands too much. Worst shit always happens when I don't drink Do you know how fucking hard it is to type on a touch screen phone when you can't feel your fucking fingers??? This post took forever.
Yea that sucks. I need to remember that line for the future, the worst things happen when I don't drink.
Honestly, RotN could probably just film himself doing the things he posts about here and have a mildly popular YouTube channel. It would be terrible for his day job, though.
It is almost hard to believe. He wants to make a baby announcement, grab the explosives and the guns. His wife tells him to breakdown some boxes, he turns a barrel into a furnace and burns himself.
Dude. You make me seem almost normal. But even I am cognizant enough when I do stupid shit to do it correctly. Burning garbage in redneck engineered blast furnace and you lit it with a long match? Jesus man, the correct way to set off the combustion cycle is tannerite and a gun from a safe distance. 5 feet is probably safe distance. I'll bet you didn't use a 5 foot long match did you?
In all seriousness, it's the worst pain I've ever felt. I think I mentioned it here before, but I really, really hate taking pain medication. I don't like the way it makes me feel. Even after my brain surgery I told them to cut the morphine as soon as I could talk, and I went off pain killers about two months before the doctors said I was supposed to. I'll take whatever for swelling or something structural, but if there's something wrong with my body, I want to feel it so I know how to fix it. Yeah, brain surgery doesn't come close to the pain today. The doctor gave me a script for hydrocodone, a month of it, which I think is complete BS because worst case I'll take it for like 3 days and then throw the rest away (NOT burn it). Is this really how easy it is to get pain medication? If I was a pill popper, I could have just singed my arm hair with a lighter and they'd be none the wiser. No wonder there's such a pill problem in the US. Aaaaaaand I just felt a warm feeling. Either I pissed myself or the hydrocodone just kicked in. I think it was the hydrocodone. I think.
If there is a god, this is proof that he has a since of humor. My wife just walked into where I'm watching the tour de france: Wife: "My stick just gave me a smiley face!!!" Me: *blank stare* W: "It mean's I'm ovulating stupid let's go!!" M: "Serious? I'm on pain killers right now and you want me to-...." W: "Get up!!!" M: *stands up from chair* W: "No get your dick up stupid!!!" M: "I think if I impregnate you when I'm like this our kid is gonna be retarded. Do sperm swim backward or something when you're fucked up? W: "shut up, I'll be on the bed waiting. Hurry up." Fuck. She's serious about this. No way this flag is flying under these circumstances.... I'm gonna bring a coat hanger in there with me, tell her it's backup in case I give her a retarded kid. She'll either get the joke and we bump uglies for a bit and see how strong this medicine really is, or I'll get to go back to watching the tour de france. Either way it's a win
I tried to jack off on vicodin while recovering from a wisdom tooth extraction. I'm pretty sure that any man who can orgasm while under the influence of hydrocodone might be the kwisatz haderach.
I don't understand what that metaphor means but I'm assuming you're trying to say that orgasming while on hydrocodone is the stuff sex legends are made of. I am not a sex legend it turns out. Thought I was. Wife was very confused. "Is it because I'm fat?" "No babe it's because I can't feel my dick inside of you." See the thing is, my son was conceived during a week I do not remember. A few days after I apparently knocked her up, I was in the hospital from a concussion I suffered a few days prior. Needless to say, I set a high bar for my performance. Now it's a whole 'well you did it then!' kinda thing. ... And yes, my son looks like me and isn't black so I'm sure he's mine.
Abneretta would like me to pass along to you fine folks that she has given three zj's in the porta potty at a musical festival and not one of them smelled like patchouli so she is counting her 75 cents as a big W. I mean she actually said to post the message below, but I don't believe her based on her snapchats today.
Wife won't stop making fun of me for not being able to cum (apparently being on pain killers isn't an excuse). I told her she's getting super glue in her shampoo now. Which will distract her from the Icy Hot that's going on the toilet seat.