Fill the pussy's patreon, kids. Working for money is a tool of the patriarchy. So the king of all SJW's can't afford $700 to make the worst-reviewed videos on YouTube. It's time to seriously consider suicide, Mcintosh.
If you are 44 years old and out of shape surfing for the first time is going to hurt you. That is what I learned today.
I just turned 39 and went wake boarding a few weeks ago. I consider myself in decent shape and I was sore for two days in muscles I didn't even know I had. Also still waiting for this supposed "Old man strength" people talk about to kick in.
I'm drinking wine and watching It's Always Sunny. Not a bad Thursday evening. An old high school friend texted me today asking if I wanted to go with her to a music festival in KC this weekend. Even though I've only heard of a few of the bands, I'm pretty excited about it.
All of my friends have newborns. Yawn. So it's up to me and the husband to drink all the dranks for them.
Can somebody tell me what the deal is with scented/flavored sex lubes? I've always been aware of their existence, but I always just figured they were meant as a novelty/joke, and nobody seriously used them. I'd never personally encountered any of the stuff until last night; Jungle Julia* came over after visiting a smoke/sex shop, and she'd bought some watermelon flavored lube. It definitely smelled watermelony, but there was no way in hell I was going to try tasting that stuff; she claimed it tasted pretty good. I didn't want to use it for a couple of reasons: 1) she DOES NOT need lube, and 2) I don't want to be smelling watermelon during sex. I enjoy sex smells as they are. I told her that we'd use the lube "in a little bit," then put it on a shelf, and she forgot about it... This time. Anyway, back to my original question: Do people really enjoy fruity flavors/smells during sex? I've never understood/enjoyed mixing food and sex. Am I the weird one? *I've decided to call her Jungle Julia, unless someone can come up with something better.
You're doing the lord's work. Bless you. I just realized my rep is at 69. I feel like that shouldn't amuse me as much as it does.
In person or on the Internet? Because if it's on the Internet it doesn't count. Also was the trout alive? Because that changes things if it was alive. Same if it was a sea trout. Those teeth are nasty. I can only imagine the UTI. Trout tract infection? TTI? So her vaginal canal is more like a fish ladder at this point then? Oh god so many questions...
Gawd. Never underestimate the nastiness that results from someone's boredom. "Hmmm...what haven't I used to get myself off? Hey, what about trout? It's Go Time." Completely unrelated, I had a nightmare last night that I had an LVAD. And I was doing all the stupid shit that you shouldn't do with one. I don't remember most of my dreams, but according to the husband I talk about work shit all the time in my sleep. I wish I didn't do that.
I've written about it before: https://www.theidiotboard.com/threads/dude-i-never-should-have-slept-with-you.243236/page-2 "I may have had long hair and wore make up, but I was still a redneck. I'd been fishing earlier that day and had 5 or 6 nice Brookies in the cooler that I planned to grill up. SOMEONE had the bright idea to grab a Brookie and have it talk to her pussy because they smelled so much alike...you know..."Mom? Is that you? I can smell you in there." One thing led to another and she fucked my trout. Or my trout fucked her. Whatever. If I'd been a truly horrible person I would've cooked it up and had her eat it afterwards, but thankfully I think i ended up wandering off to the other motel room where the party was still going on. I don't think I had sex with her later, at least I hope I didn't. I really don't know. All I really remember is watching the trout go in her lady parts and finding it simultaneously hilarious and disturbing. I don't even know if I ever grilled up any of the trout. Now that I think about it, we didn't actually carry a grill with us. Not that that fact would've prevented me from starting a fire with some half baked plan of cooking fish. My memories from that time are not exactly coherent or cohesive. They're more like random, scary snapshots that jump out when I least expect them."
Two things: 1.) I'm too old to drink that much wine on a Thursday. I was five minutes late to work this morning. 2.) Damn you CanisDirus for ruining my rep number. Quick, someone give me negative rep!
Possibly, I've never found them offensive or annoying. Now imagine a glow in the dark condom. I'm aware they exist at shady truck stop dispensers.