Dear TiB, I am currently sitting in the dining room, listening to the Chiefs game, while my husband is in the living room watching the show that we are supposed to be watching together. This is the 21st century and I'm not sure but I think this could be grounds for divorce. Please advise.
Well, I could get behind that. Segue: My cousin has been working for my husband this week. Apparently when guys work together things come up in conversation...it seems that he won't go down on his wife. I was talking to my husband about how that would be a deal breaker for me. He says that I didn't like it that much when we were first dating but I don't remember that. No matter how naive I was when we first got together, it would absolutely be a deal breaker for me today. I used to feel sorry for my cousin because I don't particularly care for his wife but if he won't go to third base with her, then maybe I've been judging her all wrong. What kind of 30+ year old man is scared to go down on a girl?
I would say that is a 30+ year old kind of man who is headed for divorce at some point. Watching the 49ers and Broncos at the moment. I am thinking I should take my own advice and see what the wife is watching in the bedroom.
Wow, I get back from a trip to Dallas to find out that Nett got canned over tending this place; shit, that blows. I remember when I used to go to the old Rudius board at work, opening all the NSFW links, and never facing reprisals. Sorry, Nett. Is there any way that you could file some kind of wrongful termination suit? Whoever snitched you out is a bitch-ass punk who needs to get got. Anyway, as I mentioned, I got back from a trip to Dallas with Jungle Julia, where we saw Joan Jett open up for Heart at the Gexa Pavillion. And we did acid. Here's the breakdown: Spoiler The whole trip was Jungle Julia's idea; I wouldn't go 500 miles to see a show, but she surprised me with the tickets because she knew I love Joan Jett, and she felt bad that I missed seeing her in Corpus Christi in 2013 due to "legal complications." Her plan was for the trip to be "Fear and Loathing in Dallas." We arrived in Dallas at 11 AM; our plan was as follows: Get something to eat, pop the tabs, then go to the Dallas Museum of art and the Dallas World Aquarium, then check into our hotel. We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, right under a guitar signed by The Toadies. After freshening up in the bathroom, we took the hits and headed off. We got to the Aquarium, which was amazing. We wandered around there for about 45 minutes, when the acid began to take hold. It was great, because the place was like an indoor rain forest. Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler After awhile, though, Jungle Julia didn't like all the people around her, so we left. As we were walking through the parking lot, I could see the art museum across the highway, and I was really looking forward to it, but she just wanted to keep walking. There are a lot of glass buildings in downtown Dallas, and it looked like they were blending into the sky. We wandered around for awhile, and ended up at a park with a timed fountain, where Julia did some sketches. She still didn't want to go to the art museum, so we decided to check into our room. We got a cab ride from an obese black man named Henry; his driving style was everything bad you've ever heard about cab drivers: running lights, straddling lanes, going for miles with his turn signal on, taking his eyes off the road for several seconds at a time to look back and talk to us, etc. Jungle Julia were both scared and entertained by his behavior. We finally got to our destination: The Romantic Inn and Suites. http://www.romantichoteldallas.com/ Jungle Julia found the place online, and we both knew that we had to experience the tackiness of it. We were booked in by a small woman with green contacts that seemed to jump out of her head at us. After she gave us the key, she said "Don't tell anyone I'm psychic, because then everyone will want readings." We didn't know what to make of that, so we just got to our room. The place really must be seen to be believed, and don't let the pictures fool you, it is much sleazier in real life. The sheets hadn't been changed since the last occupants left, the towels were dirty, and there were hairs stuck on the shower walls. Our room featured red lighting and a stripper-pole; the pole wasn't even brass, it was galvanized pipe. There was a mirror above the bed, but this was no ordinary mirror: it was warped plastic, and reflected like a fun-house mirror. Spoiler For the record, the bed WAS made-up when we got there, but the sheets weren't fresh. Also, you can't see the stripper pole to the right of the bed, because Jungle Julia cropped her reflection out of the frame. The room was perfect for us. We spent the next few hours holding each other on the bed, laughing at our reflections in the mirror, the tackiness/sleaziness of the room, the woman at the front desk, and anything else that came to mind (Jungle Julia found the word "pulchritudinous" especially hilarious, and kept asking me to repeat it, and use it in sentences.). After a few hours, it was time to get to the show, so we called the same cab driver, because it was that kind of trip. On the way to the show, he gave us a long story about how he found Jesus after almost drowning when he was in his early 20's. We were coming down from the acid by the time we got there. Joan Jett's still got it; a couple of songs into her set, she told the stage crew to turn off the fans, because "This is a rock show, it's supposed to be hot!" And she proceeded to get all hot and sweaty in her leather pants. Spoiler Heart's set was alright; Jungle Julia is a big fan. Annie Wilson's voice isn't what it used to be, but I won't complain. Their encores were "Immigrant Song" and "Stairway to Heaven." Jungle Julia had been giving me a good-natured hard-time about my crush on Joan Jett the whole trip, but after the show, she said "Okay, I can see why you like her now." (Score one for me.) We called Henry the Reckless Cab Driver to take us back to the Romantic Inn, where we saw a couple of hookers checking in with tricks. We were so tired that we didn't even have sex under the funhouse mirror. The next morning we did, though, and afterwards, we called Henry AGAIN to take us back to the bus station. Everything was going well, until we were about 200 miles from home, and the bus broke down; a coolant leak. We had to wait on the side of the road for an hour, then we had to take a bus that detoured to Corpus (about a 100 mile round-trip out of our way). We were supposed to get home at 7:30 PM, but didn't get in until almost midnight. We were both irritable and tired, but we had the trip that we'll remember for the rest of our lives.
I'm watching the Scorpions at Hellfest 2015. Klaus and Rudy are in their mid 60's, Mathias is pushing 60 and they're still an incredible live band. And it once again reinforces why Mathias is still my favorite guitarist...he's seriously underrated in terms of phrasing and technique. The guy is incredible in his ability to play what the song needs, not to be overly flashy, just play what fits the song.
I can give you the contact information for my cousin's wife. Two birds, one stone, or something. Actually, no, I wouldn't do that to you VI, because I like you and I wouldn't do that you. What I'm trying to say is that my cousin may be justified in his reasoning with his current wife, but knowing this now, I'm not surprised that it didn't work out with his first wife.
Is reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas a requirement? Because it's been several years since I've read it and I'm probably due a reread.
If anyone spoils tonights ufc before I have a chance to download it, they'll be taking a vacation. Just sayin.
Serious question for those of you who enjoy gin and tonics, what is your favorite tonic? I'll be honest and say that I've tried Fever Tree, Q, and Schweppes, and for some reason I prefer the cheaper and more easily obtainable Schweppes. I don't know if that's because it was the first tonic I tried or because it's got more sugar but I definitely tend to prefer it over the others.
I started to type another message but it's clear that the Chiefs hate me. What I'm trying to say is that I fell asleep at 10 last night because my wine wasn't strong enough. It's clear I should be fucking taking shots tonight because my team hates me. Jesus.
It's just preseason. I wouldn't sweat it. They'll have the whole regular season to let you down for real.
Ok, if you haven't seen 'Sing Street' - watch it immediately. Great movie. I'll leave this here - yes - it's 'Maneater' redone, but if you see the movie, you'll get it.