or duct tape it your stomach, tell them its a colostomy bag, and you havent had a chance to empty it. if its a boxed wine bladder you're trying to smuggle in, just tell em its your period. if they catch you drinking from your "colostomy bag," just keep drinking and never break eye contact with them until its finished. they'll probably be throwing up at this point, but if not, they cant confiscate it because its gone and youll get drunk quicker.
i've snuck collapsible flasks in my underwear to concerts before. and the small glass hobo sized bottles of vodka under my nutsack. those are great for mixing with frozen lemonade.
i've snuck in plastic bottle of vodka before just buy tucking them in the belt and tightening my belt really tight. preferably go to a female security guard, they seem less likely to really frisk a guy.
drink 3 candles worth of melted wax to seal your stomach off. chug a bottle of tequila, bottle of rum, bottle of vodka, some triple sec, and a little sour mix. vomit a refreshing long island iced tea into yours and your friends' glasses. enjoy.
i will be filing all of these away for future reference. i've got no shortage of ways to get past security, the only trouble i've ever gotten was a helpful security guard telling me to pull down my shirt as my flask was exposed from my back pocket. just trying to think of a way to get it into my cup that doesn't involve a bathroom trip (packed stadium, troughs with 2-3 stalls, and god awful heat is making that a no go). it's all luck of the draw as to who you sit next to as far as what you can get away with. security themselves don't care, but they will do something if asked. thus far its looking like the seat is going to be my best bet. god i hope my seat neighbors have their own stuff so i only have to pull this shit for one game.
"nutsack lemonade for everyone! what? no one wants some? but i had to put it somewhere! it's just a little warm! maybe a little hairy. but delicious!"
i just imagined chugging down rodeo cool hard lemonade as the smell of sweaty balls wafted upward. and then i dry heaved.
i actually used to do this for football games with hip flasks or little plastic bottles filled with booze. man nothing* makes bottom-shelf vodka taste even better than letting your junk warm it up for an hour or two! *just kidding.
there's a simple phrase: "smuggle it where another man doesn't want to touch you." you can slit open the inside of your coat, insert the booze and move it around to the back of the coat where they don't search. the flatter the container and thicker the coat the better. i've searched hundreds of people and that method works best.
do you ever have one of those moments when your mother is giving you passive-aggressive "advice" and you can't hear her because you're daydreaming about how soothing (not to mention easy) it would be to gouge out her eyes with your thumbs? jesus h lawdy-daw christ woman i know that you hate cats. we're not. getting rid. of the cat. stop using my kid's past health issues as a means of guilt-tripping me, you're 5'2" and i jones to slam your head through a fucking plate-glass fish tank.
nope, my mom likes to talk about a new medication she's on, or how she's doing soo much better now that she's recovery, or her latest experience at the dentist (she just had all her teeth pulled). so yea, talking to my mom is uncomfortable.
3rd hand story that never fails to crack me up. my roommate's mother had quite the college experience. this included being in a group that conspired to sneak a pony keg into a football game. they enlisted the help of a guy in a wheelchair in their dorm. they strapped it beneath his chair, and when they went to search it, he just went fucking berserk. so they let him through. the best part was they didn't bother to try and sneak it back out, so at the end of the game there was a floated keg abandoned in the bleachers. i just can't imagine a pony keg being enough to get through a new mexico state football game.
i almost feel sorry for people who go to nmsu. las cruces has got to be one of the most isolated, in the middle of nowhere cities imaginable. and i'm not saying this without experience, i've driven through there on my way to tampa. the area around las cruces/el paso has to be one of the most remote parts of the country.
don't feel too bad. the tuition and the food make up for it. but i see your point. i was lucky to go from a shitty small town to there. if i had grown up in a big city, i'm sure it would have felt like bumfuck nowhere. but for me, i was just excited that i didn't have to drive 2 hours to go to a wal-mart. that's some big city livin' right there.
about a month ago my sister invited me to a knife show but "you don't need to buy anything, he gets credit just for doing it." so what i thought would be a great day catching up with my sister who i hadn't seen in over a year, ended up being kind of a weird. in that i show up and the "party" was just me and one other woman. and i offered to bring food, which was just a cracker, cheese and pepperoni tray, but it was the only food there. which for the three of us was fine, but there were some guys wandering around. and i brought extra pepperoni for her boyfriend and he took the bag and ate it all like it was a bag of chips. it must have been like 30/40 pieces. i kind of watched him in awe. so i set up the tray while they all watch me and then i listened to this young kid talk about how he's doing this to pay for school, cornell maybe, so i ended up buying a $50 paring knife because i felt bad. where am i going with this? i just cut my thumb with that knife. sucker really is sharp. and my thumb won't stop bleeding. kind of burns a little. rest of the day was weird too.
with the older coke bottles you could heat up the lid and take it off without breaking the seal. mix your favoured alcohol and then stick hot lid back on and cool down again. that's worked well a few times. we also filled an empty water bottle with vodka and coke bottles with rum and poured a little coke for colouring last year at a festival.