no, i at least have fish. i'm missing some minor garnishes and stuff. just tasted the rice vinegar-sugar-salt-rice mixture. holy fuck, that's nasty. what the hell are they making me do?! i am so fucked.
i always said two great female deterrents are cactus and pet snakes. cooldude is going to be listening to those whitesnake albums all by himself tonight.
i don't know why this exists, but i felt obligated to share because it's amazing. russian heavy metal ska polka? why the fuck not.
i'll give him the benefit of the doubt and just say the 80s were a crazy time. that was taken then, right? my oldest is doing well at college, she is calling and probably her biggest issue is she misses her cat. so my younger daughter is taking it upon herself to text her pictures of the cat laying on her bed now with captions like "he loves me best now." i came upstairs and she was in her sister's room taking pictures of the cat and i told her she was torturing her sister, to which she replied, "yep". sisterly love is abundant in this house.
i'm now about nine beers in, and i'm not sure what sushi is anymore. i have a pile of rice and some bags of ingredients or something.
so tonight was...interesting. i had a girl i've known from the gym text me and tell me she wants to stop by since she's at a bar nearby. i agree that this is a great idea. so she does and afterwards i come to find out she got dropped off by a friend who was leaving. so i'm thinking i might have to give her a ride home when she mentions that she can probably get another friend to pick her up since the bar she was at was closing up. so anyway she sends a couple of texts and i guess gives someone directions. when said person gets to my place i walk her out to the car and next thing i know i see a skinny 140ish lb kid wearing a fucking scarf of all things walking very angrily towards us. she gives me a sheepish look and i'm just like "well great". he comes up like a mother hen, chiding her because he had no idea where she had gone and she was sooooooo worried, and he kinda bundles her up and walks her to his still running fit (i mean, really) as i hear snippets of how she's too beautiful to do stuff like this and what not. about 5 minutes after she leaves i get a text apologizing saying that he's liked her forever but she doesn't think of him that way and they're just friends. i asked her why the hell he was wearing a scarf in fucking florida. now for more cider.
if you've got 90 minutes to kill and netflix, watch 'the art of the steal.' i'm not a big kurt russell fan, but holy fuck, what a fun movie.
yesterday my girlfriend and i went to the state fair and kid rock was playing at the grandstand. that drew quite the crowd to watch. for a moment i was thinking neck tattoos were "in" but then i remembered where i was.
hanging around that concert probably gave you the impression that deodorant was "out." it could have been worse. at least it wasn't an icp show.
neck tattoos are in if you plan on spending significant time in a government time-out camp. i do feel sorry for people who have those then try to get a white collar job later. i hear the laser removal process is pure agony.
i'm 100% certain anyone with a neck tattoo belongs in prison. congratulations, your decision making skills are so poor you have now ostracized yourself from every career except dishwasher, tattoo artist, and professional foot creep. i'm sure ms13 will welcome you though. if i was attacked by a 7 foot tall dude, and had to pick him out of a line up that also featured a guy with a neck tattoo, i'd be compelled to pick mr. neck tat. this girl ended up at my party last night. maybe 23. had a world of warcraft tat on her neck. couldn't tell you what character it was because the thing looked like a fat green splotch of shit. she let her apprentice friend do it prison style on her for practice. why yes, she does have a kid she hasn't been permitted to see in a year. i feel the same way about juggalos. thank god we had the foresight to quarantine them in michigan. all that is left is to erect the 20 foot security wall. it'll be escape from michigan in 20 years where snake plisken has to rescue the president from the juggalos. except it's really easy because they're all fat and malnourished from fago and 7-11 tacquitos. instead of bullets, he just hands out extra food stamp vouchers.
yeah, juggalos as the bad guys in a movie? what fear could your enemy possibly cause when they can be vanquished by taking the stairs two at a time?
i think both he and the ultimate warrior took the brown steroids. still, ric flair should be president of the united states.
so someone tried to shoot chris brown and possibly justin bieber at a party last night, but they missed and hit suge knight 6 times. would it be too much to ask for someone with some marksmanship training to do this shit?
i love hanging out with my friends from school. its a never-ending stream of bro-science and bro-facts. my buddy dropped this one last night, "the ice bucket challenge is for als because the secret name for lou gehrig was the ice bucket." everyone else: "no it wasnt."