Shit. I just realized that I was wrong. I don't have a sign that says live, laugh, love, but I do have a picture frame that says that. I have betrayed myself.
I like that I'm the person my friend texts when she wants a Slytherin name for a new snake she got at work. She's an aquarist for a Bass Pro store. Meet Bellatrix: She is a bull snake.
Poor Pablo, the only thing he will feel in his heart of hearts fit to do after this low would be to host juvenile leukemia.
Just to clarify, the snake is neither mine nor my friends. It belongs to Bass Pro Shops. I have book club tonight and I don't want to go. I haven't finished reading the book yet and I'm not a fan of the restaurant where we're meeting this month.
Clearly Anonymous tried to fuck Chloe Moretz and failed or she didn't respond to the fan fiction he mailed her. Also, has the dude ever seen what poor Mexicans look like? Certainly not like a Univision weather girl. And thats coming from someone with a latina persuasion. Also pretty sure that chick is dating one of Beckham's sons. The dude in the background of that video needs to get slapped. "Its ok, nobody was hurt, the car can be fixed". Fuck you man, lets have some idiot smash all the windows in your house and be like "nobody was hurt, its ok!". This wasn't a highway accident, this was apparently someone driving in an unconscionably stupid way.
I don't even have a local Taco Bell. The closest one is 30 minutes away. When I say I live in the middle of nowhere I mean it. If I could talk the entire book club into driving a few towns over to the authentic Mexican restaurant I would gladly drink the shit out of some margaritas while we talk about everything but the book we were supposed to read.
She's just really, really shitty at parking. "The driver of a Mercedes-Benz 380 SL had some trouble parallel parking at the Great Falls Cars and Coffee gathering on August 6th, when she backed up into and onto the hood of a Ferrari."
Yup, That's been around for a little while and it's by the same people. It's also awesome and is a great time killer.
What the hell kind of self-respecting book club meets at a restaurant? You're supposed to do it at pubs. And drink lots of Blueberry Teas. And before you start poo-pooing blueberry teas... just be aware it's the Classy Alcoholic Old Lady drink of choice. http://www.drinksmixer.com/cat/228/
She's smart though. Using her kid as human shield. Dumb shit like that is one reason I would never own a really nice car in Houston. Also, I don't have the shekels.
Got a joke I lifted from an Ontario friend: Kathleen Wynne, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The demon on staff there tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the demon informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she's finished the demon informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a cheque. Finally, Kathleen Wynne gets her turn and talks for 4 hours. When she's finished, the demonic staffer informed her that there would be no charge and feel free to call Ontario anytime. Putin goes ballistic and asks the demon why Kathleen Wynne got to call Ontario free. The devil replied, "Since Kathleen Wynne became Premier of Ontario, the province has gone to hell, so it's a local call."