i'm sorry. i've been lonely and i thought i caught you checking me out once, but was too shy to approach me. please don't call the cops, but call me maybe?
that's the ultimate red flag right there. if there is either only one darkly lit picture or if all the pictures look like they were taken by a 7 foot person looking down, he/she is trying to hide double and possibly triple chins. that's not even going into the rest of their bowling physique. i'm not saying they look like bowlers but more like bowling balls. i say go for it.
yeah, you had the stress of dealing with a premature baby, but you're wife got to keep her sweet, sweet vagina. fair trade, i say. and who the fuck makes 11 oz. beer cans?
my vagina has hated reading the last few pages of this thread. why do people only tell expectant mothers of the fucking horror stories? the fistulas, the shitting-yourself-in-the-delivery-room, the i-still-pee-when-i-laugh, the you'll-never-sleep-again, the my-vagina-feels-like-the-chunnel-and-my-husband-is-a-smart-car, etc? christ. tell me something fucking uplifting, for fuck's sake.
we would, if there was such a thing as an uplifting pregnancy moment. the lack of such responses should speak volumes.
the first time you feel your human move, it feels like a tiny butterfly flutter. it's not a butterfly... near the end you can lay down, set your slurpee on your belly and play "catch it before you have purple dye all over yourself and the couch", because that flutter is now molten lava and in full motion. it's soooo cool.
my friend is a nurse/midwife. sometimes when she goes to check the dilation of a mother in labor, she'll "accidentally" hit the g-spot. so you could have a rockin' orgasm while you push that cantaloupe out. she's mentioned some women have intense orgasms all throughout the birthing process. which, i think is weird and creepy, but whatever eve was weak. besides, don't you have a rubber fist in your closet? get practicing because tryouts are almost over.
lots of people will touch your vagina. seriously, it's not that bad. i say this because none of the above happened to me. so i might be biased. my friend that's really weird about bowel movements and cleanliness wife pooped herself while delivering. i'm surprised he ever had sex with her again. facebook is the same way. and bowling physique? good lord. did your girlfriend follow you in today?
mostly coke (the soft drink kind), topped with, yes, grape. don't mess with a preggo's cravings. purple was the first thing to spill. angel, when you're all big and swollen as you're growing a human, you can get out of vacuuming duty. it's law.
It's twins! my dad was an ob/gyn, and this is true. i used to ask lots of questions. most women do not have noticeable longterm post-delivery vaginal issues, especially after one child. two tips: if you know you are going to deliver vaginally, tell the doctor that if s/he performs an episiotomy, they need to put in a honeymoon stitch; if you deliver via c-section, clarify they will use a bikini incision. (i thought all doctors did this, but after talking to several people over the years, especially for military doctors, vertical incision is more common than i thought.) and, not in any kind of sexy way. and, lots will see it. a lot more than necessary. like, a lot.
my sister is having twins.... so when she fries up the placentas can she make a kfc doubledown with them and put a few slices of bacon and some pepperjack in between?
ours was two pounds, two hour labour, one push. its just that everything after that was a horror. maybe you'll have twins. or triplets! it's more common than ever these days. on the other hand, everyone is going to be relentlessly flattering you and you now have carte blanche to be as big a bitch as you want, even if its just for kicks.
qb already mentioned the baby moving inside you, so......i got nothing. that is the only thing i can remember about pregnancy/childbirth that i actually enjoyed. physically, anyway. otherwise, i really enjoyed the nesting phase - setting up the baby room, scouring yard sales for adorable outfits (which was almost a waste of time because i was inundated with many, many, many baby clothes as gifts).
there's the crazy horny phase of pregnancy. that can be fun. it halfway makes up for the spontaneous "look what you did to me and you don't love me anymore" sobbing.