angel, here's a quick list of what they're not telling you: you will get immune to people wanting to see your vagina. at least once you'll think to yourself 'it's already grand central station down there, who gives a shit anymore?' also, you will get to eat the most temporarily amazing things. treasure your craving binges, because in a couple years when reminisce about how awesome those tacos with the mini peanut butter cups you put under the lettuce were and go back to try them again, it will not be the same, it will be revolting. carpe the hell out of the food diem. take very warm socks to the hospital, because when you start hyperventilating and your hands and lips and feet go tingly, they get very cold. you won't feel all love struck and mommy-ish as soon as that kid pops out. that bond does not happen instantly, and you may even resent that little fucker. that'll pass and soon you'd be willing to do things even jigsaw would cringe at for your little demon spawn. when you start nesting and doing weird shit like making your partner lug canned goods up to the attic in case of some imagined disaster, please post that for our amusement.
i don't know about crazy cravings, but i'm excited as fuck to go to the cne next week and try the s'more bao. "asian bun layered with marshmallows, sweet milk cream, hazelnut, chocolate and crushed graham crackers". hot damn.
i had a women come into the shop last night who was very pregnant and wearing a white tank top that was revealing for anyone. she was in there with her kids who of course wrecked everything. apparently she wanted to buy little billy a bike which i'm sure he'll use to hurt himself. i imagine she must've been in that horny phase.
asian bun. in the oven. nobody? i am disappoint. anyway, angel, just so you know, it is not uncommon for twins to not show up until 2nd or 3rd ultrasound. don't know how many you've had, but sometimes the second is not detected until 18-20 weeks. this is more common in women 40 and over, so you've been warned.
if someone did this to my cat or dog, they would catch such an unforgettable beating. i swear, people are such shit.
Meow in some jurisdictions, they can be "charged with unlawfully and maliciously, willfully administering poisons to animals." http://www.springfieldnewssun.com/news/news/crime-law/neighbor-charged-in-cats-poisoning-1/nncbh/
i've heard stories about people soaking a big sponge in bacon grease and mashing it into a little ball after it cools down. a dog eats it, the bacon grease melts in its stomach and expands, and it starves to death. i would have felony assault on my record if someone did that to my dog. i've also heard about people tying rags to their lug nuts on their car, so when their neighbor's dog chases them it'll grab on to the rag and either break it's neck or at least rip out some teeth. i get annoyed when people can't train their dog not to be a car-chasing shithead, but why the fuck would someone punish the dog for it? he's not hurting anyone by doing it, other than being an annoying retard.
my dog is a weird kind of shithead. when i'm walking him outside, he only likes to lunge after bicycles and motorcycles. so he's not in too much danger, but i would love for him to stop. luckily cars and trucks don't interest him.
cj: she like her yard, huh? do you know what motor oil does to a lawn? i do. i've done it. very effective in ensuring nothing grows there for an eternity. wait until night and wreck that cunt's pride and joy. serve it up cold.
gasoline works the same way. we had some spill from a lawnmower a while back. nothing ever grew there again.
my sister just had her 4th. she was a huge bitch when she was pregnant. now that she shit out that last kid, she's just a normal, human level of bitchy. uplifting!!
it would be pretty awesome if he put a gigantic penis in her yard. she'd pretty much have to tear out all her grass after that.
i used motor oil on the ex that cheated on me. i wrote "next" in her front lawn in ten foot letters. zero regrets.
gentlemen, that would be illegal and potentially hazardous. i am disappointed in all of you that you think i'd put gasoline in a spray container and make it rain death on her precious lawn.
i'm not at all justifying her behavior, i have the same reaction as you xrayvision. that being said the cat should not have been in her yard, especially after she voiced her displeasure. if you still let your pet wander over into the yard after they have asked you not to, even if it was in a bitchy way, you're an asshole and in my mind somewhat responsible for what happened to that pet.
i've never done anything malicious to an ex. i find that i don't get any satisfaction from being a meanie, even if it is deserved. however.... my cousin married a crazy ice queen bitchy pants. during the divorce she hired the biggest, baddest, most expensive lawyer because she was going to get everything she could. this included....a walmart bath rug. cousin peed on it and then gave it to her lawyer. winning.
so she took everything including a five dollar bathmat and he's winning? sounds like her lawyer is the real winner.
it's a fucking 7 pound cat. what's it going to do? see, i don't understand this mind-set. it's not a goat eating everything. it's not a huge sloppy mongrel digging a trench. it's a fucking cat chasing a squirrel. what kind of a control freak are you that you can't bare the thought of an animal walking on your property? why the fuck does everything have to bend to your idea of how things should be? what about raccoon and possum and fox? poison the shit out of them too for daring to step on your lot?
she tried. oh, she tried. i'm not sure about other assets or cash or whatever, but he still has the house (gargantuan 7000 square foot house), his vehicles, and you know what? he remarried a wonderful, giving, kind woman. let's be clear on who the real winner was here.