3/8 if you strictly follow the list. 4/8 if finger in the ass can be substituted with tongue. 5/8 if jerkin' in the wilderness can be substituted with the Atlantic Ocean. 6/8 if you loosely define MILF as a woman significantly older than you (no kids). No fucking of hot tubs for this cowboy! Though one time a fat chick did force herself upon me. She was as tall as I am, and probably 30 pounds heavier than me. Boy, that was awkward. No sex, I swear!
8/8 The "male shocker" was interesting and demasculating at the same time. One night I'm bringing home a girl after a night at the bars. She's a gorgeous Indian girl (from India, not Native American), all of 95-100 lbs. Here I am, a 5'10" 225 lb rugby player. As we're walking home, all I can think about is how badly I'm going to break this girl and worried about how I'm going to reattach her jaw and how much giner' surgery is going to cost her when I'm finished. We get back to my place and start hooking up. Not even 10 minutes in, clothes come off and I find myself with 3 new hickeys and my back shredded with nail marks. "Fair enough little girl, your time is coming" I think to myself. I've had kinky girls before, this is nothing new. We start fucking with me on top and I'm pile driving this girl for a good 30 minutes. All the while she tells me "Harder! Come on, you're supposed to be a rugby player, you hit guys harder than this. Are you gay or something?" in this cute little Indian accent. I'm appalled. I'm crushing this girl's guts through her chest and she's questioning my sexuality? After another ten minutes or so of jack hammering her, she rolls me over and starts blowing me. She looks up and says, "Tell me before you cum." I figure she doesn't want a mess in her mouth, so I oblige a couple minutes later. Instead of pulling out of her mouth, she shoves her finger into my ass as I climax and I thought I was going to blow the back of her head out with how hard I came. It was unbelievable. She swallowed and asked if I liked it. I was speechless. She went down the hall to use the bathroom and I sat there with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the next week. A 100lb Indian girl absolutely ran train on me that night. I still haven't completely recovered, 6 months later.
I'm 7/8 unless we count tongue as the shocker then I win win win! The tongue was an awesome experience; two kinky little thai hookers in Bangkok did a number on me. I forget what the place was called but it's threesomes only. Suffice to say one was blowing me while the other was going down on my ass and similar to the finger stories I busted a huge nut. Four years later when I'm beating off I still go back to that night.
This is what I was wondering. Do you actually stick your dick in the jet? Those things are awful small, plus they have a shit load of pressure, so I'm sure it wouldn't be easy. I've done 6/8 because I've apparently never had "the talk" about hot tub sex, and ever since that doctor's appointment I haven't been too excited about things going up my ass.
Just putting it out there that if putting your dick on a jet feels even the tiniest fraction as good as putting my vag on there does, I would heavily recommend it. On a similar hot tub/jet tub note, this past weekend the family I live with/work for went away for the weekend leaving me with the house to myself. They inquired as to whether I would be having anybody over, and I replied that I would not be, because I'm a good employee/person and would never take advantage of such a situation. Obviously, upon their departure I invited over the current fuck buddy/potential boyfriend/'who knows what the fuck this is.' Drinking ensued and one thing led to another which led to fucking him in my bosses' jet tub. On a scale of 1 to I'm Going to Hell, my best friend put this at an Awwwwww, Shit! So, yeah... jet tub/hot tub = good times.
Ah fuck. I'm missing the hot tub, the milf, and the finger up the ass. Oh well, something to do this summer I suppose.
3/8 Fatty, woods, one night stand. And it would have earned her at least 2/8 Go ahead, guess. You're a daisy if you do...
FAT GIRL: She wasn't, say, built like a planet or anything. Just kinda big-boned. And super horny. PARENT'S BED: Not in parent's but the above-mentioned romp took place in my grandmother's bed. (I have fucked a macrame owl that hung on my mom's bedroom wall, though.) FINGER IN ASS: No way. HOT TUB JET: No, and I've never jammed my dick into a vacuum cleaner. (How could this possibly win out over a threesome?) WILDERNESS JERK: Yeah, when camping. Also, once when I was driving through the woods. ANAL: Once and it was fun, but I could care less if it happens again. This kinda ties in with the finger in the ass, in that, I don't think it's fair to ask her to take it back there when I sure the hell won't. ONE-NIGHT STAND: Yeah, and the idea/allure of it in theory was better. Maybe that's because I was usually sober while beating off thinking about it and pretty wasted when doing it. MILF: Am I wrong in thinking this one is the only noble goal on the list? I am proud to say I have done this (first time, her boyfriend was waiting outside in the car). Now that I can cross this off my list maybe I can get around to porking a hot tub jet....
7/8 The only one I haven't done yet is bone a mother. I've made out with a 38 year old woman while her 17 year old son was in the area, but there were no sexuals. Also, I can't remember ever jacking off in the woods myself, but I've gotten blowies in the woods and I've been jerked off in the woods. This was a regular occurance when I was 14-15 playing hide and seek. People would always wonder what was up when I would yell out "Me and Katie are Partners!" when the game started. Apparently they didn't notice that she loved dick and had DD boobs at age 16. Honestly, these were some of my favorite sexual experiences ever. The thrill of simutaneously trying to hide and be quiet, all the while getting head. Sometimes I'd even make her lay down so I could tit fuck her. I think this counts. Hell, it's a lot cooler than jerking off in the woods. Ahhh the good old days.
6/8. I find the hot tub jet thing weird and kind of scary. I have a tub with jets, but still no thanks. One of the first women I picked up at a bar was a hot 33 brunette the was one of my favourite one-nighters of all time. Older women don't go for that shitty after-morning attachment guilt. They're great at what they do, and they know whey you're there and are more than willing to help. The MILF act should be a pre-req for all men. If you haven't, make the necessary changes in life. NOW.
Okay, just we're clear, this does not involve jamming your dick INTO anything. The pressurized water shoots against your dick. Or so I've heard.
3/8 I've done sex in parents bedroom, hot tub and whacking it in the wilderness. Hot Tub - used to do it all the time as a horney 14 year old, and yes, it feels good. The article says "Optional Audible: Actually have sex in the hot tub". I have to disagree with this. Maybe it's just me, but I dont like having sex in the hot tub at all. The temperture of the tub and the temperature of the vag are pretty close, so its pretty hard (for me at least) to even feel anything. It just feels like my dick is thrusting in water. Maybe too much information... Whacking it in the Woods - I grew up on a farm and found a playboy in one of the old barns when I was 13 or 14. I took it to the fort back in the woods and rubbed one out. I believe I've only done this once. Sex In the Parents room - We were horny in my parents room. No real story here. Other than Anal (and maybe MILF) nothing else on the list interests me.
Fat Girl: Like a few people have said- who hasn't? +1 Anal: As I've posted here before, I lost my virginity giving it in the pooper. +1 Hot Tub Jet: Hell, this might be how I discovered that my wiener may be used for something other than pissing all over my older brother's clubhouse that he wouldn't let me join. Some of my earliest memories of hot tubs involve me moving in a certain way to get comfortable, and then WHOA! What the hell is that? This kinda... What tha... Yeah, I'm not moving. It's not like I got off to it or anything, don't get me wrong. But yeah, that was interesting at that age. +1 Slipping Fingers in my Pooper: The only thing allowed near my pooper is toilet paper. No. No no NO. I will literally try to shit on your hand if you go near there. You stay away, fingers! Parent's Bedroom: I don't see what the big deal with this is- I've never had the urge to. I would actually rather not, because I like and respect my parents, and I would rather them not have to roll around in my wet spots. That would be gross. Wilderness Jerk: Any hunter out there who says they have NOT beaten it on the deer stand is a damned liar. +1 One Night Stand: I've done it, but as I've said on the other thread, I don't really care for them as much as others. +1 Milf: I actually got this one about a month ago. +1 Total: 6/8, with the only two missing being things that I will never try. Not bad, I guess.
8/8. I have a hot tub. I can't say that it was 100% pre-meditated, but it has happened. Also, "fat girl" needs to be defined a little better. The chick I fucked was probably, er 180ish? Pretty fat, huh? But not like the woman in that picture. I just couldn't help myself, the head was way too silly not to. Also, it was HER parents bedroom so that only may account for .5 score. 9. Threesome (2 girls) 10. Two different girls within a 24 hour period.
6/8 I never slept with someone on my mom's bed... but my dad slept on the couch for 10 years. (yeah, fucked. up.) and we fucked on that couch. so I'm counting it. I'm counting a chubby girl as a fat girl. Got anal in the shower with her on Spring Break...+2 And one of my most heralded accomplishments...Slept with two different girls in 12 hours. Both with the same name. Kelly #1 was a one night stand...and we fucked on a study room table in my house (frat house.) Kelly # 2 was in her housemate's bed. Best night of college (so far).
5/8. Nothing goes in the poop chute. I don't go out in the wilderness often. I hate fucking bug bites. Make fun of me all you want to. Also haven't tried anal. I had a girl beg me to once and I had no desire to. She also liked being abused. Fun sex, not good relationship material. She's currently married and walks around with a vial of the guy's blood on a string around her neck. I did fuck a girl on her parents' bed once. She had taken me to see her parents from her house at college, and they went to the grocery. Before they left, they said something to her about not having sex on their bed. So we did it.
5/8 Done none of the anal or in my olds bedroom. For those of you who doubt the tub jet on the end of your knob don't. Its pretty fucking sweeet.
5 out of 8. I'm going to have to disagree with the experts, hungry fat girls do give the best blowjobs. One girl I used to hook up with was obsessed with trying anal, we tried it a few times but I prefer pussy, call me old fashioned. My first time was my first Milf and one night stand. I'll remember that night forever. We were going at it and I'm plowing away like it's the last day on earth, suddenly there's a loud knocking on the bedroom door. I almost shit myself because the Milf was still married and "the police locked my husband up three months ago... he shouldn't be out yet" my heartbeat is fucking pounding so hard the neighbors can hear it and the door opens. Her unattractive teenage daughter walks in and decided that right then and there would be a good time to make small talk. We're in reverse cowgirl position, covers at my waist, I'm still completely shit housed from my first night pounding irish carbombs and they're talking about her school, her homework and if she got her cellphone bill paid. I'm just laying there trying to maintain an erection, then her daughter offered to go to her room and get some flavored lube and scented massage oils for us to try. Milf looks back at me over here shoulder with a smirk on her face. I said no. The girl would not stop trying to make eye contact with me the entire time, that was fucking awkward.
8/8 Fat Girl: You need some padding if you want to fuck hard. Otherwise, you're going to walk away with bruises. Analated a girl that loved it when I put it in her ass. In fact, she told me after we broke up that she wished I'd put it in her brownhole more. However, I can do without. Hot Tub Jets: Did that, which led to the audible. Finger in me: Assfucking girl tried it once. Was not my cup of tea. Parents' Bedroom: Mine AND hers. Jerk Off In Wilderness: Did that on assfucking girl's face, which led to fucking in the wilderness. One Night Stand: Did it with a Cuban chick that came to Memphis for Barbecue Fest. Some of the best sex I've ever had. MILF: 2 different ones Looking at some of y'alls posts, I'm beginning to feel like a perv or a freak. Oh well.