If I was motivated to start an organization where I collect taxes from every working member and bang everyone's wife, I would have had this shit going yesterday faster than you can say Elohim. Remember kids, and take note because I am about to drop some fucking science on your asses here: You can't start a cult/religion without some sort of promise of paradise/Salvation for those who are deemed loyal followers. Before that you're just some weird perv who told everyone to dress up in their jammies. To keep my followers hanging, I will hold up a "fat case" VHS copy of "The Karate Kid" (the way they held up Simba). I'll tell them that on October 5 2019, the ghost of Pat Morita will leap from the cover of the video tape and wax us all off into an eternal land of crane-kicks and happiness. By the time the deadline happens and theyre all gathered around the CyaKool-Aid I'll be in Monaco, baby. Wearing yachting sunglasses and dressed like an asshole.
This guy should be embarrassed: http://mashable.com/2017/09/18/man-penis-stuck-in-barbell-gemrany/#Cw3TBiGmoqq4 Pffff, 2.5 kg? Do you even lift, bro?
Just few more pics from the plowing match today... Spoiler: because people are probably bored of it already Started the day watching the horse plowing, and it was awesome. Amazingly huge horses following incredibly complex commands, like, "one step back". AND THEY TOOK ONE STEP BACK. Amazing to watch. They had an incredible display of old farm equipment... just about anything you can imagine. Coolest thing I think I saw all day... on the left, is the first self-propelled grader from 1908. All the blade settings are done manually. It was a pretty fucking amazing piece of machinery. The one to the right of it is the first hydraulic grader from 1934. Who knew that grader clubs were a thing? Then they fired up a bunch of steam machines... this is a 50 HP steam engine that used to run a mill. It's a giant 2-cycle steam engine that you could hear and feel from about 500 yards away.... it was amazing.
And some more... Spoiler: because still boring Very cool setup for a shingle making process. The one guy (in the foreground) had a small engine spinning a giant flywheel, that when engaged would then move a giant bucksaw back and forth while he levered it down onto a log, thereby cutting off a chunk of the log. In the background, that chunk of a log was then fed through a 4' saw blade that was spun via belt by the power wheel off of the John Deere. He then would use a cool setup that looked like a fancy deli meat slicer to feed the log into the blade at the right thickness and angle to make the shingles. Then we went on to the jousting. Yep, jousting. Full contact jousting. Remember that stupid show that was on Discovery or something about the jousting competitors? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_Metal_Jousting Yep, same guys... and his reason for failure was... "they put us on during the playoffs, so that's why it sucked!" Still, they were wearing real armour that they had made, and using 1" dowels for lances, and it was pretty serious shit. They even had a girl, who didn't weigh more than 130lbs, who was one of the competitors. Needless to say she got just fucking hammered on her second run and unhorsed. She hit the ground hard, flat on her back, and everything got really, really quiet. They then spent about 5 minutes with her while she tried wiggling her fingers and toes to be sure she was OK. Well, she obviously wasn't, because she got back up and did two more runs, and got just fucking ruined. She may have had her ass handed to her, but she's got bigger balls than I have. All in all, it was interesting, but not something I'd drive anywhere specifically just to watch it.
Full Metal Jousting was one of my favorite shows I think I've ever watched. Those guys were absolutely insane. I was so pissed when it wasn't renewed. Always wondered what happened to them.
Isn't that what Night Ranger's doing now too? Those old graders and shingle sawing set up are cool as hell. I didn't have a whole lot of use for my grader, but it was still fun as hell. I would've been much further ahead if I'd bought a dozier instead, but oh well it was fun. Except when one of the drivers would get a flat. Then it was a pain in the ass. Those SOB's are heavy.
I saw Night Ranger playing the world stage at EPCOT five years ago. So they were in fact alive up until at least that point. When you look at it, they're one of very few bands with a drummer for lead vocalist.
Today Cox and Spectrum cable customers in Orange county were treated to an emergency warning about the end of the world on Sept. 23. The best part is that I now know that there is a Cox spokesman named Joe Camero. Joe. Camero. That's got to be the most red neck name ever.