This guy has enough balls for ten people. Wow, could you even imagine coming home to that motherfucker camped on your couch? He did, after all, feed the animals...
Well that's tacky. Tackier than no-showing at a wedding that you RSVP-ed to. We probably had about a dozen people no-show, bail at the last minute, or show up even though they said they couldn't come. It's part of the wedding shit-show "fun". Anyone who gives it more than 5 minutes of venting and an eye-roll needs to get a life. On that note, I have tomorrow off. Time to work out so that I can drink.
Look, I know you're tempted to save cash, but for your wedding you should really spend the money and get real dildos to give out as wedding favours.
I'll be getting my son's name tattooed in the next week or so (my first tattoo), but I always said when I did that I also wanted to get tattooed the date of my brain surgery along with something underneath. Figured you jackals might have some fun thinking of things I could put in the "underneath" part. When I told my wife she suggested "half retarded, still functioning" and "scalpel didn't slip"
I'm a big fan of the zipper on the scar line. Or maybe just put a bullseye on your leg where you shot yourself. You can do a punch card of all your self sustained injuries. When you finally fill it, treat yourself to a DQ Blizzard. "It's not brain surgery, but it's brain surgery. Why do I taste pennies?" Little wordy, but we can work with it.
Not to get serious in the WDT, but my scar is fucking huge. Unfortunately, it's in the hairline, goes right down the center of my head, then off to the right like the surgeon was running an out route. So a tat would only show if I was completely bald. Since it's Texas and I don't give a shit, I keep a buzzed head, which means that anyone who hasn't seen me before does a double take the first time they see me from behind (insert your own jokes here). It's like a fault line with holes every quarter inch where the 48 staples were. I also got a cool little sink hole where they cut out a piece of the skull, put it back in with bone glue, and it literally sunk in like a sink hole. I've made many a hairdresser almost shit themselves when they're buzzing my head then the trimmer drops off an inch or so. And the tasting pennies shit is real. It fucked with my sense of taste and hearing a lot. It's been over 7 years now and I still have fucked up hearing on one side, and incredible hearing on the other. I can never figure out the direction sounds are coming from (which makes hog hunting at night extra exciting). Took me about six months after the surgery to get my taste back to normal, and but for a month after the surgery everything tasted like metal. My wife also likes "Put that anywhere near my crotch and I'll fucking kill you" which is what I yelled to the angioplasty dude who said they needed to cut a hole near my groin with a scalpel (they didn't, as I was less fight-y about the other option in my neck).
Sorority girls at a baseball game. http://mediadownloads.mlb.com/mlbam...-2015-09-30/web_cut/mlbtv_511523483_1200K.mp4
"Paralta knocks it into center... he's 2 for 2 and nobody noticed." This is awesome. They're not even commenting on the f'n game. The yutes of America have a serious image problem if they are that obsessed with themselves, needing to take several photos with a hotdog. I feel old, because that made me irrationally angry.