The only thing I hate more than panhandlers and Green Peace are Canadian geese, I'm not fucking around about that either. Out here they stop traffic for 20 mins so they can cross the road, in addition to crapping everywhere, in addition to being evil.
Dude, 12th floor is where it's at. When you have no AC and rely on the breeze to cool off things, this is the place to be.
When The Husband was in Monterey, they'd have to rotate PT fields because the stupid geese would come and shit everywhere. And It smelled horrible.
Swans are even worse. Think you can fight? Walk near a swan nest and you'll soon be scrapping a winged Michael Jai White. They will beat. The. SHIT out of you. One attacked my dad on a golf course-- on Father's Day-- and threw combos on him like a prime Roy Jones. "Beautiful and majestic" my black ass. They are nasty, quick-tempered and fight like wolverines. Hate 'em.
And to think we have Canada to thank for the geese. Those fuckers fly over the house at the buttcrack of dawn by the thousands, honking and carrying on. Almost as bad as fucking blue jays as already mentioned. The difference is the blue jays are RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. Come to think of it, all birds are annoying for one reason or another. And years ago I had a parakeet and a canary. Messy little shits.
I'm not a huge bird fan. Something about those absolutely lifeless eyes they have. But, my favourite animal is in fact a bird: ...not a seagull, shut your whore mouth. The beautiful creature is the Southern Royal Albatross, the greatest flying machine ever devised. An 11'6" wingspan which they lock like a switchblade, these guys absolutely shred the air around them. They can travel hundreds of miles at speds of 75-90 mph without flapping their wings even once. Damn nature, you fucking RULE.
You're right. Nature rocks. Spoilered for size, this f'n beautiful creature: Spoiler Just kidding. It's the TONGUE EATING LOUSE. A parasite that eats the tongue of fish, taking the organ's place, and then leeches nutrients from the host. Nature is fucking terrifying. COUNTERPOINT.
Apparently there's such thing as guard geese. Not sure how intimidating a goose is compared to a Rottweiler, but the waste alone from me ever finding out.
A goose is nowhere near an intelligent, powerhouse guard dog (I like them because they smile). Canadian geese can be nasty pricks, I take my daughter to feed ducks by the river here in town and they soon show up and start biting and bullying the ducks. Soon they clue into who has the food, and but instead of being patient and friendly like ducks they try and simply take it from You via force. If that happens, you can just grab them around the throat and throw them. It takes three or four tries but they get the message eventually.
I see your love birds and raise you Cicadas. Man the buzzzzzzz iS deafening. So not only is it 100 fucking degrees, but I have to listen to that drone and feel the crunch of fucking cicadas (and I am using that as a verb this time) under my feet.
Cicadas are disgusting bugs. the crunch and the noise - When the air is still and the heat is oppressive and you can't hear yourself think because those fucking bugs are buzzing. Hate those goddamn bugs.
The cicadas are out right this fucking minute. I would love to able to find a to mass exterminate them without being threatened by the president.
Ah yes. The bug that makes the heat somehow seem hotter. Apparently cicada spend a long time underground and emerge as noisy adults after either 13 or 17 years, depending on the species. My family and I learned this fact in person one summer while we were camping and the two cycles coincided. I have never seen so many locusts at once, ever, in my life. It was fucking terrible. It was of biblical proportions. It was the type of shit that pre-modern man accredited to God's hand. We had to make sure to zip the tent up snug because they got into everything, everywhere.
We get Canadian geese here from November until April, every year. They're pretty friendly to us so maybe they just hate Americans and Canadians? There are things worse than geese: monkeys. Specifically, these cunts. The males (a.k.a. Blue Balls, due to blue nutsacks) are particularly shitty and will chase people, since there's usually 20+ monkeys in a group. Also, they're known rabies carriers. Also been known to kill pets because they're there. They also try to break into your residence if your windows are partially open -that happened to my neighbour's tenant (they have a subdivision that they rent out); the monkeys trashed the place and pretty much crapped everywhere. Makes for a fun summer not being able to have windows open during the day when you have no AC. Cunts. if I ever have enough money, I will make the vervet monkey extinct. That is the extent of my hatred for them. Also, their alarm calls are irritating and I always root for an eagle to take one and fuck it up.
Don't they also die super quick after that too? And then it just looks like a super-genocide of fucking huge-ass flying demons?
Exactly yes. There were tons flying everywhere but the ground was littered with crunchy bodies. It was fucking bizarre.
I was thinking more along the lines of punting one, like a rugby ball. I'm guessing they're more like a butterball though which won't get much height, but you might have dinner.