Someone took it from my purse at the bar. My guess is that they saw me put it back after closing my tab, knew I wouldn't be looking for my wallet again, and swiped it as they walked past. What's the worst is that I was never more than six feet away from my bag so I was right there when it happened. I was able to cancel my cards at 5 in the morning, thankfully, but they managed to get $100 worth of Metrocards out of it... I'm just hoping that once they realize the cards are canceled they won't try and take it to identity theft levels. And/or that they'll look at my ID, see that it was my birthday, feel bad, and get it back to me somehow. Which is a totally realistic hope.
Don't forget spray cheese, while we're at it. Come to think of it, don't the French use THAT as a deodorant? Spoiler EDIT: Somebody cloned my credit card just four days ago...in England. Some asshole was buying expensive meals on my dime in London, about $470 Cdn. We were told we'd get everything back (since we can prove we were here) but JESUS ID theft scares me. Heartless assholes out to ruin strangers lives because they're too fucking lazy to work for a living. I hate thieves.
Now that the obligatories are out of the way, can we continue? Look, I know guys aren't really supposed to smell nice, I never wear cologne and don't really care for it too much, I haven't owned a bottle of it for years-- but I'd like to get some for once in awhile situations, or just to have, or whatever. That's that. I also know that most guys' method of application is to spray it 4 times on their shirt and twice on the neck like its Axe and they are living in a REAL LIVE AXE COMMERCIAL and the girls will flock like I have LIFETIME MOVIES IN MY PANTS, and thus they smell like shit. I promise I'll only do one spritz on the wrist and rub it around.
Because of Axe commercials, bars are like walking into tear gas testing tents now. Thanks a lot. It was like beer commercials in the 1980's: if you were from another planet and watched TV in the 80's, you would think that every time you cracked a Miller High Life bikini-clad bimbos in high tops would materialize out of nowhere, washing cars and dancing to invisible hair metal. Three decades later, and look how much smarter we all are.
All the women - even the hosts of the red carpet show - are shockingly thin this year. Yeah, I know Hollywood always pushes skinny, but we're talking concentration camp emaciated. Their bony jaws, upper arms with the circumference of their thumb and index finger making an 'O', and big googley eyes are creepy. EDIT: Except for Sophia Vergara. Ironically, she's one of the only ones who hasn't looked neurotic and stunned at the prospect of being on stage. Aren't 'entertainers' supposed to be a little bit more at ease with being in front of people?
No no no no, don't do that. That shit is terrible. It only looks at weight and has you eat something like 500 cals a day.
I have a couple of colognes. Don't wear it often, it's useless at work and if I'm at a bar I don't see the point, but for a fancy date or going somewhere classy it's nice to step it up. In any case, I have a bottle of Mont Blanc Presence, which I like because it's a very understated scent. I got Polo Blue on the recommendation of a lady friend, and I have a bottle of BelAmi by Hermes that I got a while back. It's a nice scent, but when I looked it up I saw it is ridiculously expensive, so I rarely use it.
Has Ricky Gervais said anything funny yet? I didn't realize this was going on tonight, but I was looking forward to seeing him on. He's the only reason I'd watch it, in fact. For that matter, how the hell did he end up hosting again? I seem to recall that his M.O. at last year's show was to give them every reason NOT to invite him back.
The only thing worse is Avon. My uncle's widow sells that shit, thus I get that shit every birthday and Christmas, and occasional Saturday I'm up there. It sticks to you like hot garbage. One squirt surrounds you in a cloud for days like Pigpen from Charlie Brown. The smell is a delightful blend of under arm onions, lemon zest, and old leather marinated in taint sweat. In the world of men's cologne, you get what you pay for. Go to Macy's. Do not go to Walmart, or Walgreens, or Lowell's. Go to Macy's, to the section where it smells like a French whorehouse, let the woman behind the counter help you find one.
He's had a few good one-liners, but nothing as controversial as last year. Whatever he said about Antonio Banderas & Salma Hayek was blanked out, though.
And Mya...wtf? <a class="postlink" href="http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/01/14/2589864/controversy-surrounds-the-popular.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/01/14/2 ... pular.html</a> You're a nurse. And you're hot. What are you doing on this crazy thing?
He even commented on that. Made a joke about the "rules" that he was given to follow. He hasn't been as outrageous as a "the year" but I always find him hysterical. And agreed about the emaciated girls this time around. But the exceptions are Sofia Vergarra, who actually looks thinner than in the past, Jessica Biel who just presented, and ... Melissa McCarthy.
I think Mila Kunis looked healthy, too. And Reese Witherspoon looked like she could be pregnant. I just can't get over how painfully thin they all are, though. Like, way more than normal. I'm surprised Michelle Pfiefer could walk across the stage unaided.
I know that it is crazy, but a few of my friends have done it and had a lot of success. I was the biggest doubter with them. I am normally a firm believer in the whole slow and steady and making life style changes, but I just want a jump start. I feel like I need to do something drastic to start, shake me out of my bad habits, then get back to the norm (which is typically pretty healthy). I figure I can do anything for 23 days, right? I am scared to read that article....
Spoiler They all gained the weight back. And they couldn't find a doctor who recommended it or endorsed it...even the doctors who were administering it were against it. Maybe just go Paleo.