An Ex To Grind

What I've learned is that if I ever find myself in Tom's situation, staring in horror at a big girl with a girdle lying on the floor...I'm gonna go ahead and threaten to accuse her of rape. Best to beat her to the punch.

 

Okay, you can put me in the "rape threat" club. It was my ex-wife (big surprise, eh?) in '05.
At the time, our relationship was on-again/off-again, and in one of our "on" times, she came over to my house one weekend while our son was with his grandparents.
We had sex earlier in the day (no condom) and things were going fine, but then we got into some stupid argument. I don't even remember what it was over. It just got worse and worse, and then she very calmly asked me why she shouldn't call the cops and claim I raped her.

That was one of those realization moments that you see in movies: "Goddam, what the fuck was I thinking? I knew this girl could be crazy*, but I didn't think she would do anything like this," I thought to myself.

If she DID decide to go through with her threat, how would I ever be able to deny it? (Answer: I couldn't) She had my DNA on/in her. Obviously SOMETHING happened.

So I immediately tried to calm her down/appease her, and it worked.

That moment was the definitive end of us being a couple. I haven't touched her to this day, and never will again unless they invent a cure for crazy (I'm not holding my breath).

For all of you skeptics out there who think rape threats are no big deal (Bewildered, I'm looking in your direction), one of my buddies did a year in jail a couple of years ago on a false rape charge from his crazy girlfriend; hell, I paid for his bus ticket to get home from jail.
She eventually admitted that she made up the charges. I hope they nailed her ass to the wall for filing a fraudulent police report.

*Here's a few of the psycho things that she has done to me over the years:
-Throwing a perfectly good ice cream cake out on the front lawn.
-Cutting up all of my clothes (I wore my work uniforms EVERYWHERE after that; I have a picture of me at a wedding wearing a stained mechanic's uniform)
-Hiding/stealing my keys (I had to hotwire my truck for a week so I could get to work)
-Hiding/stealing my glasses and contacts (I'm pretty much blind without them)
-Physical/mental and verbal abuse

That's all I want to try remembering. It could have been worse; she actually tried to kill one of her other boyfriends a few years ago. (She hit him with her car; he didn't press charges. That guy was a total douche bag though, and he deserved it.)

 

What she did basically is the equivelent of a guy shoving a cucumber and two softballs in his pants, then rubbing it against girls on the dance floor. How would you ladies feel if you got home and discovered that in your new found friend was packing 3 and not 12 inches?

 

Guilty as charged...

EDIT: But that doesn't make what she did right.

 

I don't know if this deserves its own thread/is inappropriate to include here (although it's more on topic that this has been in a while) but, what do y'all think of this article from The Good Men Project last Fall? I didn't reread it just now, but I think the tl;dr is more or less "reacting to being treated poorly is not equal to being your 'crazy ex-girlfriend'." This is focused on ex-girlfriends, but I know whenever I hear someone of either sex refer to their ex as crazy, I automatically assume they did something to provoke it, like how whenever I hear a girl say she hates drama I assume she's the main cause of drama in her group and thrives off it. To be clear, for the most part these people in these stories seem legitimately crazy, but the subargument about whether Tom's girl was crazy or reacting semi-appropriately to the situation made me think of this.

Thought it might help. Maybe.

 

We've been over this. Girls never know how big it's going to be until they see it. Which, you know, completely invalidates the argument of SHE FUCKING MISADVERTISED HER BODY. And of course Tom is an asshole for not being comfortable with her body, a body she knew men might find unattractive, otherwise why was she wearing a bloody girdle.

 

Hmmm, you don't say...

 

The number of guys that have mentioned penis size in this thread is hilariously revelatory.

Here is a hint: that is not how most women operate. Please clean out your spam folders.

 

Come on dude, you're better than this.

Tom isn't an asshole for not wanting to fuck her. But he is an asshole for trying to act like some sort of victim on the internet. There's a difference between mentioning he wasn't turned on and the histrionic language he used, and if you can't figure it out, then that's a fairly serious issue.

Also, girdles are often used to make dresses fit better, not necessarily to lie about a shape. Also, they really don't change a shape that much.

 

*Whoosh* I can't figure out what you're implying.

 

I've done that before. Really.

 

So a bit of histrionics for (as far as I can tell) storytelling purposes is damnable...on a board made up largely of people who used to visit another board...hosted by a guy named Tucker Max. Fuck me, the humor writes itself.

Seems to me he's acting like a victim more in regards to the rape charge threat than the flab. Maybe I'm just letting my compulsive bitterness towards women speak for me here (right bewildered?), in all seriousness maybe I'm way off base, but to me he at worst looks a little shallow. In my opinion, that's not a crime deserving of being ganged on by a pack of posters screaming like a bunch of goddamned harpies about how terrible he is, while marginalizing the crazy of the woman in the story (and subsequently explaining how that marginalization never happened, before marginalizing it again).

 

If you're trying to prove that Tom is not being an asshole in a story, Tucker Max is not quite the comparison I would use.

He's acting like a victim in regards to both -- if you're still confused, count the number of words he spends on the girdle versus the legitimately frightening threat made. One of those points is legitimate, and -- stay with me here -- everybody has agreed on it. The fact that he was so shocked by a girdle is what I thought bore mentioning.

 

Ok. Here's the thing - The girl in Tom's story was a crazy bitch for threatening to call the cops and fake a rape report. Fuck that whore.

Tom is an asshole for being such a dick about her girdle on the internet, some years later, like it even fucking rates a mention next to the fact that she threatened to fake a rape report.

You're all assholes because you fucking post here in general, and in particular because this conversation is still fucking going. Now shut your fucking cock holsters about it and get back on the fucking topic. Jesus fucking wept.

If you want to start a new thread discussing the ethics of making yourself look more attractive than you are which gender is more fucked up - go start another thread on it - but for fuck sake, move on from this story.

 

Well, I dunno if this is truly in the vein of the topic, but here goes.

Back in eighth grade, my Scoutmaster's foster daughter started coming to our meetings. He was a really nice guy, a little on the weird side (would come to meetings with no shirt, Betty Boop suspenders, and those thick glasses, but no, was not a pedo). She was pretty plain, but I was 14 and rebounding from my first girlfriend (big tall and whorish), plus she wasn't fat. Things led to more things, and we started going out. Turns out she used to be raised my a single mom ("she's a nutcase alarm" blaring after this) who was a total psycho (double alarm). Within a month we had done everything but fuck (including fingerbanging during a scout meeting, which the poor guy still has no clue about), and I didn't want to do that because I couldn't get my hands on condoms. After a while it started to fall apart though; she was extremely moody and stuck-up, always pouty after we'd done, even after she came. This became really grating, and I dumped her before the end of the year.

Surprisingly I don't think I've spoken to her once since that. My friend did tell me about a month ago, though, that for the past year she's run away from home twice, second time for good, and has been living permanently in a hostel since. During that time she's also been arrested three times for shoplifting and various drugs (still underage), as well as having pressed rape charges against two guys I knew vaguely from high school. Apparently she's into double-teaming.

Bitches be crazy. Glad I've cut ties with that one.

 

Not me, but one of my close friends.

Jim met Lisa in tech school at Pensacola, FL. They weren't in the same class, but they were in the same platoon, and they hit it off. Their relationship was actually pretty strong compared to the other hilarious Marine relationships going on; Lisa seemed like a perfectly nice girl, and Jim very quickly changed his view of women from "Fuck Bitches Get Money" to "Wow, this girl's actually pretty awesome."

Fast-forward a few months, they're still going out, and things are going well. She invites him up to Alabama on a four-day weekend (Labor Day) to meet her folks, he says "Sure." On the drive up there, (her car) Lisa drops the bombshell; she's pregnant with his kid. Jim, to his credit, says that while he's not sure how things are going to work, he supports whatever she chooses to do and wants to be part of the kid's life if she chooses to keep it.

They arrive at her house, he says "hi" to her folks, they have a nice dinner together. Later on, they start cuddling in her bedroom and she tells him that she made up the pregnancy and was just testing him.

(Insert record stopping sound effect here)

"Wait, WHAT?"

She repeats what she said and starts telling him that she loves him and was making sure that "he had the commitment to stay with her no matter what." He gets up and says, "Uh, I'm leaving now. We'll talk once I have some time to think things over." He starts packing his stuff. She runs downstairs crying while he's doing this; he isn't sure about what she told her dad, but he hears "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM" from downstairs, followed by the sound of a gun safe being opened. He quickly grabs the rest of his stuff, jumps out the window, and starts running away. Dad makes a few phone calls, and pretty soon Lisa's uncles, cousins, and brother are driving around town hunting for him.

Jim calls his buddy in Pensacola to say, "Hey, I'm being hunted by Uncle Cletus and the Redneck Brigade. You need to pick me up RIGHT FUCKING NOW." His buddy agrees, and starts the drive up. Since Pensacola is six hours away from that part of rural backwater Alabama, he has some running to do in the meantime. He manages to evade them and, after a few hours of running through people's backyards being chased by armed men in pickup trucks, ends up finding an abandoned laundromat and hides for the rest of the time. His buddy picks him up without incident, and they start the long drive back to Pensacola.

But wait, there's more!

Jim, exhausted by his ordeal, goes to his room and passes out. He is woken up three hours later by the staff sergeant on duty, who beats the crap out of him and drags him to a restriction room. Lisa called the barracks and told him that Jim was a suicide risk, so they stick his ass on suicide watch for three days before he could explain to the first sergeant what was going on.

But wait, there's more!

After this, Lisa began to slut around the barracks. Every time the place would get a boot drop, she would find a new guy, fresh out of boot camp and full of motivation / horniness. After fucking him, she would tell him that Jim raped her and that she was too scared to go to the command.

So, Jim found himself getting in fights with random boots every two weeks. For six months. The chain of command ignored his pleas to get her away from him, (Like the civilian world, the military's Equal Opportunity department is heavily biased toward females and hasn't really figured out what to do when the gender roles are reversed) so he kept finding himself in fights with boots and getting stalked by her. It finally ended when she graduated; she got stationed in North Carolina while he stayed in Pensacola for C-school. She still stalks him online, although he finds this much more manageable than the real-life craziness he had to deal with.

Moral of the story: Female Marines are batshit fucking crazy. Don't date them. Period.

On the bright side, he jokes that he came up with an actually relevant SERE scenario. "You fuck a redneck girl and her daddy catches you. Evade him and his relatives for as long as you can so that they can't reenact Deliverance on your poor ass."