Anal? That'll Cost Ya Extra, Buddy

My PM to Dcc, with a few edits:

Spoiler

This thread is grating on me. This assumption that a transaction means the paid party is faking it til she makes it is inaccurate. Maybe my experience was unique, but every girl I ever worked with had favorites, guys she was actually really excited about seeing. Men that frequent that sort of business aren't all 300+ pound scumbags that couldn't carry on a conversation with a "real" woman if their lives depended on it. Many have what seem to be perfectly logical and legitimate reasons to engage in that lifestyle, and the derision of these people that think they've figured it all out at 25 doesn't invalidate those reasons.

Also, this limited viewpoint? It's got to go. Lumping all sex workers (strippers that go down in the champagne room, drug addicts that stand on street corners, middle class girls giving GFE to middle class dudes, high end model types that pander to politicians for more money per hour than any board member makes in a week) into a tv stereotype and saying "eww!" is like lumping any other job or class (Is a tenured professor equivalent as an educator to a high school teacher, and are either equivalent to a daycare worker or the 15 year old babysitter down the street? God, I hope not) and making the biggest blanket statement you've ever seen. Furthermore, I wish people would let go of the internal ick for 5 seconds and realize that, like any job, girls that participate (at least at GFE level and above) often enjoy what they're doing. But just because you love to do something, it doesn't mean you do it for free. Now that I'm "retired," I tutor a lot, particularly in math because I'm really good at it and I enjoy it. Neither of those reasons make me want to teach free of charge. Sex, like education or several other fields, can be considered a service industry, and it's totally possible to enjoy providing a valued service.

Yeah, I get it, you don't want to pay $20 to stick your dick in a crackwhore and risk getting herpes (seriously, fuck herpes). But please don't tell me that everyone on here has always had sex with someone who was totally into it at all times. I've had the most boring sex I can imagine with boyfriends just so that they'd stop bugging me about it and let me go back to watching the movies on my DVR. I've gone on drinking binges that lead to no remembrance of the previous night (Did we actually have sex? Was it any good? Was I conscious for all of it, or did I fall asleep while he was inside me?). I've had hate sex with an ex to piss his girlfriend off and prove I may have lost that battle, but I won the whole fucking war. And I know those situations aren't unique flowers unto me.

I don't even want to touch the prostitute versus one night stand debate. It goes back to the blanket statement, and can't be reasonably discussed until people get out from under the covers.

EDIT: I know a few people have made the same points I have, at least in piecemeal, but my post is more coherent with all statements left intact. Also, I was seeing red a few pages into the thread and failed to fully take in everyone's posts. If you deserve first poster credit for something I said, PM me and I'll send you and e-hug and some cookies.

 

For me sex workers not sounding like something I could enjoy has nothing to do with STI risk or if they enjoy their job or anything else. It just comes back to I get off on being the 'winner' who a girl liked enough to have sex with, and if at all possible the girl who a girl really and legitimately enjoyed having sex with. Paying for it would feel like buying a trophy, I'd never feel like any kind of winner, and I'd never be able to get past my own paranoia enough to believe she genuinely enjoyed my company or the sex. I just wouldn't be able to maintain an erection for that experience.

If you're a guy - you get rejected a lot. That's just how picking up in western hetero normative encounters plays out. In a vast majority of cases, Guys put themselves out there and risk getting turned down. Girls risk being harassed by fucktards or ignored. The high from not being turned down - the buzz and the affirmation that comes from being attractive or charming or funny or cool or whatever enough to convince some girl to have sex with me is fundamentally what gets me hard. I wouldn't get that at all if the girl was into me because money changed hands. Most of my heteronormative male friends aren't exactly the type to talk to other guys about why they do or don't get erections - but I suspect that the affirmation thing is a big part of sex for a lot of guys. Buying that kind of affirmation won't push the right buttons andy more than buying a trophy at the trophy shop would give them the buzz they get from winning a competitive sport.

I'm not overly turned on by the thought of a girlfriend fucking me so she can go back to watching her movie. But I can at least spin that in my head that she must really fucking like me to do that to make me happy. I mean that's never how I want an encounter to play out - but at least I can talk myself into it being kind of affirming for long enough to get off. Hate sex to get at someone else is awful, if I know that's what it is. But hate sex that feels like someone just really aggressively wants my cock? That pushes all the right buttons, but I'd be pretty upset if/when I found out the truth that it was just to get at someone else. But if I have to pay up front and keep an eye on the clock, I'm not going to be able to spin that any way that lets me enjoy it. Also, maybe there's an exemption if the guy was too intoxicated to notice or something? But any guy who kept fucking you after you lost consciousness while he was inside you is probably a horrible person and shouldn't be left alone with children - eww.

A friend of a friend tells the story about touring with his band through some of the nicer parts of the middle east. I forget where exactly - but in some muslim country the only place for westerners to drink in something that approximates a bar was apparently a brothel. You go in, you hang out, it's like a bar, you talk shit and drink and the girls who work there hang out and talk shit and drink, and at some point the girls choose a guy and you go and fuck. It's not an assured deal that a girl will choose you, I mean it's a brothel and they probably wouldn't stay in business very long if the girls there didn't fuck the vast majority of guys who go in - but the cultural deal in that particular area is that you pay to go in and the girls get paid to be there. Fucking your or not isn't tied to their income and it's all about the girl being into you enough to fuck you. I'd probably be ok with that. As it was described to me - it largely feels like hooking up with a girl at a bar, except that girl has a bedroom 15' away from the bar. It might be a canned hunt, but it still sounds like it would feel like something I could enjoy and be cool with. If the girl was clearly just fucking me because it was her job? Or because I was just the least awful option? I probably just wouldn't be able to get off. Even if it's fiction - I need enough plausibility to the idea that the girl is hooking up with me because she actually wants too, and not just for a pay day before I can enjoy the sex.

 

Probably going to hate myself for this, but hell, it's whiskey night.

Have I ever been a "prostitute" or "hooker"? No. Have I been paid for sex? Yes, kind of?, but that wasn't why I was doing it. A long time ago (let's just say I was in my mid to late 20's, if you've caught my age, you know how long ago that was), I was FWB for an older gentleman who had recently gotten divorced, owned his own business, had plenty of money (not why I hooked up with him) and when we first started hooking up, I had been single for about two years, living on my own, etc. Started out as "just friends" (had actually known him for years, I actually me him through my... mother, but thank <insert diety> he *was* younger than her, so not old enough to be my father!) meeting for a drink, etc., one night we ended up at a hotel right by the bar. No money, nothing but pretty drunken (and really awesome!) sex. Well, this started happening a couple times a week, and after about a month, he asked if I would wear thigh high stockings, some other lingerie items. Sure, why not! He handed me $200, and told me to go shopping before the weekend. I did, met up with him that weekend, and he appreciated my shopping!

Well, it kind of became a routine. When he left (started meeting up at my place) he would just leave money for me. Did I know that the intent was to go buy more sexy things to wear for him (I'm assuming)? Yep. But let's face it, there's only so much money you can spend on lingerie before it takes over your entire wardrobe. He was "giving me" (go ahead & red dot me and say paying me) anywhere from $200 to $400 a week to... shop. Did I shop? Hell yeah, but not just for lingerie. I didn't need the money to pay my bills, I had a full time job. Did it buy me extras, like new clothes, new computer, new computer desk, etc., eventually? Yeah.

This went on for roughly a year and a half. Until we both met someone else and were thinking about getting involved with them (I was completely monogamous with him, and AFAIK he was with me, we actually *did* discuss it) and decided our "fun time" was coming to an end. We left it as friends, and have no issues with any weirdness when we run into each other, nor has the money ever been discussed outside of that first time. No one, not my family, my other friends, anyone who knows me knows anything about the money, they knew we were "friends" and assumed something else was going on, but we never even told anyone we were sleeping together.

Could I ever be a flat out prostitute/hooker/escort? Well, not anymore, but I honestly considered being a stripper when I first got out of the Army. I was actually approached in Wal Mart, of all places by the manager of a strip club about 45 minutes from where I was living. I was just waitressing over the summer before I went back to school in the fall, was the typical 23 yo running around in a tank top & short shorts, and he gave me his card, and said if I was ever interested, just show that and I was guaranteed at least an audition. I debated on it for honestly probably two weeks before deciding that either A. I'd hate it, and quit after a night, or B. I'd love it, and would end up not going back to school.

Having had my share of one night stands between my 20's to early 30's, if I had the chance (and the body I did back then), who knows what I would have done if I needed money, or didn't live in the puritan area that I'm in where even strip clubs are illegal in the county, or a multitude of other factors, what I would have done.

Let's face it. When a female sits there all night and lets a guy buy her drinks at the bar, then goes home with him for a one night stand, never to speak with him again, it's that in sense being a "prostitute"? You're obviously not interested in long term, your payment was in the money you saved not buying your own drinks, he paid for them.... Yeah, lots of babbling, warned ya, bad day, whiskey night!

tldr; I got cash from a guy after sex, I considered being a stripper.

 

An interesting thought is the reverse situation: How would I react to a woman offering me money for sex?

In most cases, I think I would turn it down. I'd have to find her attractive, at least at a minimum level, and I'd have to be able to convince myself she's fun and interesting and worth the time before I accepted. I'd also have to be reasonably confident that I knew what she was looking for, how to make the experience pleasurable and how to avoid putting myself at physical risk at the same time. Finally, I would want to make sure there weren't unseen risks like a crazy husband or a vindictive cop ex-husband.

I say I would turn it down, because...well, I've had relationships that didn't pass all of those tests. That might make me a shitty human being and an indiscriminate boyfriend, but if I found that kind of a connection, the money would be irrelevant. I'm picky when it comes to people I'll watch The Simpsons with, much less try to satisfy sexually.

Also, fucking someone for money happens on a really broad spectrum, and where you are willing to cross that line is different for everyone. I would pay someone to rub my back and neck, but not my cock. I would, however, gladly give The Girlfriend a few hundred if she lied convincingly enough that she needed it for student loan payments and did some exotic things to me. I wouldn't give a girl $150 to fuck me, but I would and have spent more than that on dinner, drinks and entertainment in an attempt to have sex. I would happily pay for "lingerie" like in Nettie's example, at least for a while.

 

I think you're on to something here. Let's take the example of a virgin in his late 20's (let's say) who loses his virginity with a prostitute. Is anyone going to respect him more now that he's not a virgin? No, because the point is not the sex, it is the ability to get sex; what's valued is not the fact of the act, but the convincing aspect of it. Which, if you think about it a little too much, is really strange.

 

Preface Digression: The last prostitute I dealt with was in Fayetteville, NC - just outside Ft. Bragg. I was drinking with two of my buddies and met her on the way back to our rooms. Track marks on the arms ("don't worry, I don't do heroin - I just like shooting my cocaine") and bruises on her clavicle. Within 20 minutes, one of my friends (we'll call him '11B') was chasing the other (umm... '11B(P)'), waving an empty Glock around like a crazy person screaming "DON'T JERK OFF ON THAT HOOKER" as the other was trying to sneak the young woman behind some bushes. Happy ending: no one got jerked off on, and everyone stayed out of jail.

Topic: I don't really understand the appeal. I fucked a girl in college a few years before she became an escort. The thought of paying money to imitate the things I did with her for free out of joy and lust and friendship (and being drunk) is totally bizarre. On a totally base level, I understand the appeal of jerking off into a warm torso/face -- but all it is is an imitation of something really beautiful. For me, one would cheapen the other.

 

Who says chivalry is dead?

 

The most interesting situation of this sort that I have ever personally encountered was another single mom. We worked together in a normal office and both had children. We would discuss living paycheck to paycheck and making ends meet. After a year or so of working together I started wondering about her hairstyles of all things. She had short hair that never looked like she missed a cut appointment and always had different colors and hi-lights. I asked her one day how she managed the expense of always keeping up such expensive hairstyles. She let me in on her secret. She worked out a deal with her hairdresser for cuts/color in exchange for blow jobs. They would meet at the salon after hours once every two or three weeks. He got off and she stayed perfectly coiffed. Seemed like it worked out for both parties. I believe this is a perfect example of the barter system that is becoming more and more popular in our country.

 

I'm having a hard time believing this, I mean come on, a hetero male hairdresser?

 

She didn't say he was straight...

 

Of COURSE I pay for sex... I'm married. It may not be money, but trust me, I pay for it one way or another.