Anarchy in the Tib!!! - The "down with authority" WDT

There are certain people I know who never learned how to eat liquid-based foods correctly. Cereal, soup, etc. It's especially bad when they're open-mouthed chewers. The slurping and smacking and gulping combination is the peak of foulness.

 

I never really noticed eating noises until I started living by myself. So now when I visit my parents, I'm convinced that they eat in front of me just to piss me off. Nobody actually eats a dozen baby carrots for the thrill of it. You can hear that shit two rooms away. And Asian people. Despite the fact most of them were actually born in this country, they haven't quite picked up on that fact and need to learn that civilized (i.e. white) people chew with their god damned mouths closed and do not slurp when they eat soup.

 

Holy Christ this.

Nothing is worse at 7am than a fat neckbeard with his lips on the lip of the cereal bowl SSSSSSLLLUUURRRRRRRRRPING the milk leftover. "What? I can't get all the milk." Like a fucking 5 year old. I don't give a damn about elbows or forearms on the table, JUST KEEP YOUR GAPING MAW SHUT, YOU SLOVENLY OAF.

Let us not forget the jaw pop. Chew some salad and that fucking thing pops in between crispy, wet chomps of fucking lettuce and you can see the jaw mechanism work just under the skin. FUCK.

Anyone watch Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods? That guy can't keep his mouth shut. I'm certain he doesn't chew so much as smacks his lips and tongue until the food is turned into a nice paste that can be easily swallowed.

 

Alright, challenge accepted and day one complete. Ran a few miles, then did weights. Squats on the big boy rack. I even put plates on the bar (they weren't pink, but they may as well have been - gotta start somewhere), lunges with the back leg up like on that video posted earlier (and the only exercise on that video I could do in public), squats on an upside down bosu for the stability muscles, dead lifts, leg extension and hamstring curls. So, coupled with taking up cocaine and giving up food, that should be a pretty good start, right?

So, now I just need to google pylo (which in my line of work sounds kind of like a kidney infection) and box jumps (god, I hope those aren't what I see people do at the gym because I just know I would be clumsy and fall and then everybody would point and laugh and I would have to find a new gym). I think I am good on cardio, I'll run or do the elliptical. I don't want to take up swimming (i.e. I don't like to get my face wet).

And since this is the post pics you will regret WDT and to keep me honest, consider this the "before". I have remarkably few pics in shorts, so this was a few months ago when I was hiking. I have probably lost about 5 pounds since but you can't tell a damn bit so this will have to work since it is all I have.

Spoiler

 

I've never been so turned on.

 

My kids bitch about their classmates doing this. I'm pretty sure manners have fallen to the wayside.

 

My friend and I were having tranny-related discussions last night. My position was that if it came time to get down to business and she was really a he, I wouldn't even be mad, just impressed. Things would stop there, but if they managed to convince me up to that point that they were a biological woman, they're doing a pretty damn good job.

I think if she is post-op....it's none of their business. It doesn't really impact the situation then and there. But I tend to be exceptionally difficult to weird out, so maybe I'm an outlier here.

 

About the post-op thing, there are obviously a different set of sexual issues there, and I think I'd want to know that for those reasons alone. The most obvious one is how shallow neo-vaginas.

 

Wait...is that actually a thing? Are post-op vaginas normally shallower? I suppose I haven't asked enough former-men about their vaginas.

 

Well, I would think it would have to be. There isn't normally a canal there and try as you might with surgery, I think that would be difficult to replicate, right?

I am trying to think of how I can gingerly ask the doctors I work with (since I assume that this would be a urology procedure) but fear that they would wonder exactly why in the fuck I am asking such a thing.

 

Yep, there's a limited amount of space between the prostate/seminal vessels and the rectum. I.e., there's only so deep you can go before you start hitting shit. No pun intended.

You can fuck with your colon to get it a bit deeper, but most neo-vaginas are only in the 4-6 inches range. Width is dependent on the size of your pubic bone, which is again, fixed.

 

Dare we ask how you are an expert on such things?

 

I honestly had never considered the idea.

 

I have some decently close trans friends, and one cis friend who is super into trans culture/etc. She does the marketing for this website, actually: prettyqueer.com, which is good writing in addition to being trans heavy.

Off to trivia.

 

If you can't tell she's not a woman, does that make you gay?

 

No.

The female pelvis:



The male pelvis:



Please also note the differences in the lateral view:





I hope we've all learned something.

 

How dare you bring educational materials into the drunk thread.