It's threads like these that disappoint me. Listen guys, if you have general observations about society, go ahead. If some man or woman decided to be an idiot- it's not society, it's just one moron. If your elementary teacher was a sexist idiot, s/he's just a sexist idiot. That doesn't mean all of society is wrong for that one person's misgivings. A double-standard that I've noticed, and has affected me, is paying for dates/buying girls drinks. I never buy girls drinks -out of principle- but I do notice that it works for my friends who do, some girls are receptive and nicer to them. I know it boils down to the whole mating-thing, where the male has to impress the female but it still bothers me. I'm a catch*, why shouldn't she have to impress me? Going on dates is bad too, I've always found it awkward to ask to go Dutch or for her to pick it up this time. Maybe I'm shy about that sort of stuff but society has raised me to believe that paying for the date is chivalrous, even though it makes very little sense. I don't have to "peacock" for my girlfriend, why am I expected to pay for every date? Or at the very least appear to want to pay for every date? In TV/Movies I've given up. Every sitcom, comedy and even commercial has a bumbling fool and a smart wife, it's not only incorrect but it's even boring now. Do you want to know the secret to people? Women and men respond to confidence in the other person. Someone who is comfortable in his/her own skin is instantly attractive. That's it. If you want to bitch and complain about whores and girls who break your hearts, look for better girls. They're not that far out of your league. *I'm also very modest.
I've had this discussion with some people before. Invariably, the people who simply cannot understand why a man would ever raise a hand against a woman are only children, or never had sisters. I'm not saying hitting women (or anyone, under most circumstances) is acceptable, I'm just saying that sometimes it doesn't matter what gender she is. Sisters are nearly universally horrible human beings.
I would think this problem exists not only based upon the differences in how men are raised, the values they are taught and so on as opposed to women but also that there are women out there that use the legal system to their advantage in this regard. They ruin chances of the system being helpful to the ones that really need it. There is a big difference between being abused physically on any normal basis, and smacking your sister in the back of the head because she smacked you first. Violence in the form of physical abuse is just that, no matter who the abuser is so long as the person being abused reports it. Problem is how many men really would, or do? Also contributing to this would be the "Big Man" at the bar that would come to her rescue when you retaliated in this manner. But that's a whole different bag of butt.
Being in the dating world for the past couple years, I've noticed that this will change as we get older. I'm in my 30's and rarely will I go on a date where my date doesn't offer to pick up her tab, or at least offer to simply split the bill. If she doesn't, I don't go out with her again. When she does, I usually say something along the likes of "I've got this one, you can pick up the next one" which also begins the conversation/banter of whether/when we're going out again. Almost every time she picks up the second tab and doesn’t think twice about it. Other people's mileage may vary, but this has been my experience as of late. If the date sucked, and she offers, believe I'm taking her up on it. I don't need to impress her, as I'm not going out with her again, anyway.
Racism I really hate dealing with people or organizations that have the mentality that only white/caucasian people can be racist. I live right next to Mexico; when a white person doesn't speak any spanish, they are percieved as being racist/exclusionary because we are so close to the border and spanish is spoken as much, if not more than english. And god forbid a white person complains when a latino in the United States can't speak english. Then they are percieved as being racist. Sorry if I seem racist, but if you are working in a job where you are going to be dealing with a lot of people who speak english, you should at least speak a little of it. Hell, if you are going to be working with or serving Chinese immigrants, LEARN SOME FUCKING CHINESE. It's common sense. Hell, I didn't know any spanish beyond "where is the bathroom" and "more beer please" when I started working, but I quickly realized that I needed to learn it. I've gotten turned away from jobs because my spanish wasn't good enough, but it makes my blood boil when I go into a place like Wendy's (where the whole menu is in english) and the person working there can't understand english. When that happens, I just order in spanish and get out of there. When I was in jail with a 95+ percent latino population, I was always having to watch my step, or anger some asshole who thought that white people were the reason for all the world's ills. Yeah, pal, it's all white people's fault that you got busted trying to steal your neighbor's flat screen TV when you were on crack (true story). A really interesting thing I noticed when I was in jail (with latinos) was that even though these cholos would say that they weren't racist, or they would be speaking out against racism practiced by el diablo blanco, there was an almost universal hatred for black people. And I couldn't figure out why; most of those guys hadn't been outside of a 100 mile radius from their homes, and there ain't a lot of black people in this area. My name in jail, and in many of my former workplaces: guero, which means 'whitey' in spanish. I've even had bosses that would call me that. But just watch me call one of them browny or darky and see the shit hit the fan. I finally got so tired of it that I refuse to be adressed in such a way anymore. Racism=ignorance/stupidity, it's as simple as that, and stupidity comes in all colors, shapes and sizes. So with all that said, I don't have anything against latino people (my son is half latino) or anyone else, just stupid people.
Are you really in very many situations where you have to crack a woman in the jaw? You do realize that the majority of men would destroy the majority of women with just one punch, while most guys would just shrug off blows from a woman. Punch from a man =/ punch from a woman, and arguing that THAT is the double standard is stupid, because it's uneven purely based on nature. Now, I am in no way saying that women should be allowed to hit men or that men cannot do anything to stop it (unless she comes at you with a weapon, it probably isn't going to hurt much). That's some bullshit if a woman cries abuse from a man defending himself or restraining her from attacking him or pushing her away or anything that isn't knocking her out.
I guess a lot of the animosity on this thread is due partially to the back-in-the-day woman's movement. You know, the burning of the bras, Gloria Steinham, etc. Women wanted legitimate things: equal pay, less sexism, not having to just bake shit and pump out kids, etc. They're more than welcome to it. However, when they were GIVEN equality, they got what they wanted, then decided they didn't want the shitty parts. They didn't want to pay for the entire date. They didn't want to hold the door open for men. They didn't want to walk behind us going up a staircase. They didn't kill that spider for you. They didn't want to fix your car (or gas it up for that matter). They didn't want to hot-tar a flat roof. They didn't want to see Die Hard With A Vengeance. This is NOT a view on all women, but it's come to a point where it seems you can't say or do ANYTHING insulting to most woman if you're a man without punishment of death. Looking at her in a bar for dressing sexy? You're lecherous. Whistling at her from your car because she's hot? Asshole. Buy her a Coach purse when she specifically requested the expensive-as-a-FUCKING-car Prada? Cheapskate. Woman will always treat men like they want a "very certain thing" from them, men will always treat women like they (women) never stop wanting things (plural) from them. Circle of life.
I don't know if that's so much the "womens movement" or that society as a whole is way more sensitive to shit that used to just roll off our backs and, in my opinion still should. And, I don't know who you're dating but, if a bitch wants Prada instead of Coach she should be kicked to the curb. Pretentious much?
Why is it ok for women at a bar to use the mens bathroom? But if in the rare case that the womens is empty, while the male restroom is at capacity, should a man even think of going in there he is obviously a rapist? This has pissed me off for years.
I think this gets to the core of the whole equality debate in any social realm, not just between men and women. It starts with discrimination on some level. The minority group fights for and gains a level of equality. This equality usually comes in the form of being treated fairly and equally. But equal treatment and opportunity doesn't automatically garner equal results. It's especially difficult when you're trying to make two unequal things equal. I hope I don't come off as sounding too sexist (even though it is, by definition, sexist), but men and women are intrinsically different in certain areas. That's not to say that one is superior to the other, but they're just different. Women tend to have stronger qualities in certain areas and weaker qualities in other areas. Men tend to be stronger in the areas that females are weaker and weaker in the areas that females are stronger. Most women aren't going to work heavy construction jobs, not because of sexism, but because they have a tough time with pickle jars, not to mention 200 pound equipment. And of course the obvious fact that most women don't desire to do that kind of work*. I'm not sure if I'm working toward a point here or if I'm just rambling stupid shit. I guess what I'm trying to say is that real equality has, for the most part, been achieved in my opinion. Any inequalities are results based, not opportunity based. And since basically everything I said is off topic... Gay dudes can be as perverted and caustic as they want. No sexual joke or comment goes too far. They're just viewed as funny and goofy and it's politically incorrect to call them out on stuff like that. And if you do, you're a homophobe. But the minute I start talking the same way about women I've been with, even if I'm not being offensive, then I'm a dickhead and a "typical man". I have a gay coworker and work around mostly women, and I run into this a lot. *Taste_My_Rainbow excluded of course
That's truly a maddening one. A woman stumbles in drunk, she gets a fucking hero's welcome: "Hey-hey-hey!!!! Come on in, hang out with us!!! GUYS, THERE'S A CHICK IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE!!!! Make yourself at home!" And then there's wine and song and the children dance.... ...sorry, I was possessed by Hemmingway for a second there. However, if you were to walk in accidently to a women's washroom, the greeting would be: Pepper spray, head-first (airbourne) bar exit followed by a metal trash can fitted over your upper torso just for the purposes of being kicked in by $8 an hour meatheads calling you a "perp". ...and what the FUCK is with women's washrooms in clubs, anyhoo? You spend enough time in there to cure a fucking ham, and you have FURNITURE in there. Why would a bathroom need a fucking couch? Bathrooms are gross and horrid places no how sanitary or contemporary they are.
I never really understood this until I lived in the south, but racism works both ways. Where I grew up out west everyone pretty much got along and treated one another with respect. Not so in the south. The blacks understandably hate the whites over slavery and the whole civil rights movement. I understand that, but it happened 150 and 50 years ago, chances are it had nothing to do with you directly and I sure as fuck didn't have anything to do with it. So why can't you at least say hi, smile or acknowledge me when I greet you in passing? Because I'm the white devil you've been warned about all your life? There is an all black college just a few miles north of me, what would happen if you opened an all white college? My guess is you'd have the ACLU breathing down your back and filing lawsuits left and right. I get along with everyone, but I hate stupidity and racism. And unfortunately, they seem to go hand in hand no matter what race you are.
Because a male stripper is procured for humorous purposes, whereas even the funniest female stripper always has an undertone of sexuality. Is that fair? Fuck no. I think it's bullshit that men's nipples aren't sexualized at all, and women's nipples are viewed as sexual goodies to only be revealed in the bedroom. I used to think that the only reason female nipples were sexualized was because they were attached to breasts (which also shouldn't be sexualized, but that's a whole 'nother conversation). But then I started thinking about children--little boys and little girls have the exact same chests until puberty. No difference in nipples/nipple function, same breast area appearance & development, etc. Yet polite society demands that little girls wear bathing suit tops to cover their undeveloped chest area, while little boys run around in swim trucks without anyone batting an eye. Their female chest area is sexualized even though it doesn't have a sexual appearance.** The implication is clear: The physical body of a female is considered inherently sexual by society. I'll give you two guesses as to which gender started that horseshit. Hint: Rhymes with "schmail". So that male stripper, wearing a banana hammock and grinding his padded junk up on some drunken giggly girl? He wasn't making her panties wet. Promise. Unless she pissed herself during a fit of laughter at the ridiculous nature of it all. It sure as hell wasn't appropriate for general viewing, but that's a "some people weren't raised Right" issue. FOCUS: I'm judged by my appearance in a way that men aren't, and I doubt the majority of them will ever be able to understand. I hate this. This is a multi-post topic, but I'd love it if some other girls on the board would discuss this. Fat-bashing blogs almost always spew more hatred towards fat women than fat men--why? Fat women aren't any more/less unattractive than fat men. It is unacceptable for me to not shave my body hair, but men aren't held to the same standard--why? I've seen MANY a man who had out-of-control pit hair that needed to be checked in its tracks before it engulfed their back. I have to wear special underwear under tight pants so that my panty lines can't be seen, yet men aren't held to the same standard (even with the advent of hipsters in tight pants, I've seen male VPL everywhere)--why? And don't get me started on the female genital hate that men don't have the exquisite pleasure of experiencing/witnessing. If it's okay for men to squeal like babies and declare that after fucking a certain female they'll never eat roast beef again, then it needs to be okay for me to shriek after sex that I'll never throw a boomerang again, eat a portobello mushroom, or look at another Jimmy Dean sausage. And I fully expect to receive the same amount of bandwagon-joining and visible gagging that the "roast beef" commenters get. But somehow, I don't see that catching on. **I just realized the full meaning of that. Ew.
What the hell lady? A woman’s perky little erect nipple is DEFINATLY a sexual object, now mount that on a pert funbag and your cooking with gas. My hairy little man nips, not so much. Woman’s body’s are built to look good and nurture, men’s body’s are built to carry heavy things and kill shit with pointy sticks. If you don’t believe me we can have a spear throwing competition followed by a side by side g-banger comparison.
Are...are you serious? You really haven't figured this out? I thought anyone who spent enough time on the old board would have done the required reading. Start here. Men and women look for different things in our partners because we are different. A woman can be fat and heinous looking, a man can be a shiftless layabout, this is a free country. But most of us figure out early on how these choices affect our success with the opposite sex and act accordingly, even if we don't exactly understand why at first.
I don't mean to say that what you've said isn't true, but I've noticed for the most part, and have been told so directly, that women judge other women far more than men do. Men simply aren't wired to notice how good a dress looks on you, or your hair, nails, whatever (other than gradients of bad, okay, good and really good), but women are all over it. I suppose it's a by-product of spending hours prepping for a night out; you look at everyone else and compare and judge. Though, it doesn't quite apply to shaving body hair or being fat. Also... Yikes.
Ok, but are you going to tell me that no double standard exists when the domestic violence is female-on-male (as is reported with Tiger Woods)? Look at the way the media's treated this case- people are generally saying that it's their business what's going on at home. If the reverse had happened, and Tiger had been the abuser and come after his wife with a golf club, we would be calling for the man's head on a plate. Look, I know that all she supposedly did is scratch his face up and then chase after his car. But the fact is that we assume that since she's a woman, it's not all that bad. The fact of the matter is that abuse is abuse, regardless of what sex the abuser is. I think that's where the flaw in both your argument lies for me- you make the assumption that just because a woman punched her man, it's not going to hurt him, while the reality is that it's just as much domestic violence (and potentially as much or even more psychologically damaging) to a man as hitting a girl is.
It isn't right in the least bit, and yes, the double standard does exist where people think it's "not as bad." THAT's the double standard, not "damnit I can't knock a bitch out."
Certaintly not as significant as the double standards already mentioned, but it will always stick out to me because it affected me as a kid: Whenever I was playing with my toys and my parents stepped on something I got in trouble because I left my toys out all over the place. Yet, if I stepped on one of my dad's tools that was laying around (we were always remodeling whatever house we lived in) I got yelled at because I wasn't watching where I was going. Also in case you were wondering, parents especially don't like it when you point out such inconsistancies to them.