Now ladies, how are we ever going to sympathize with you and your massive jugs if we don't have any frame of reference? Pictures ladies, pictures. I am almost half tempted to call bullshit on the original article. What guy can't remember in vivid detail his first sexual experience? Plus his reasoning behind not getting magnum condoms is questionable at best. I guess in my case growing up middle class and white? Having been basically handed everything, biggest being a college education, has kind of left me with out the ability to cope with the real world. My parent's intentions were good, to give the the supposed "tools" to make a decent living. Always having the safety net has kind of fucked me and my ability to handle the big things in my life. Of coarse my older brother grew up with the same benefits but he is doing fucking great for himself, while I languish in the parent's basement dwelling lifestyle. Ill stop now before I get to whiny and quarter life crisis on you. Pre-post edit: Wow BeCoolBitch beat me to it and made it funny!
Let me tell y'all what it's like Being male, middle-class and white It's a b*tch, if you don't believe Listen up to my new CD (Sha-mon)
I'm 6'4" and somewhat skinny. Finding clothes is a fucking pain in the ass, 90% of shirts are either too large or too small and when I do find something, I usually don't like how it looks. They're always short in the body and arms, or baggy as fuck. My choice selection is quite limited unless I'm spending an extra bit of money to buy something that works. My feet are size 13/14, so finding shoes has been a pain in the ass for the most part.
I remember reading another article about some dude with a huge dong who had legitimate reasons for being upset by it, e.g. women flat-out refused to have sex with him sometimes or couldn't get more than a couple inches of his dick into their mouths because it was so thick. But the guy in this article sounds like he has way more psychological issues about his dick than logistical issues. And if he hasn't figured out how to masturbate without tearing his dick apart, maybe he needs to experience being a teenager again and relearning the basics. The part about wanting to whip his dick out as a defense mechanism was pretty funny though. The guy sounds like a loser.
This also applies to me. When I'm trying to buy a new pair of shoes, I don't get to choose based on what I like. I have to choose from what's available.
Yeah, the guy who wrote the article is a fucking douche bag with some stupid psychological complex. I don't get why you wouldn't want to go into a store and buy a bunch of magnum condoms if you have a legitimate reason to do it. My personal favorite incident was the one time when the large black woman at the counter wiggled her eyebrows at me, grinned and told me to "have a good night". Fellas, how the hell is having large feet in a "gift"? FOCUS: My wife has a greater libido than I do, and wants sex at about a 3:1 ratio as I do. Now, about ten years ago, I would have pimp-slapped myself for bitching about this, but think about it: Here you are, sitting there, playing video games or reading or whatever, just chilling out or really getting into it, and a woman comes over and starts rubbing her boobs in your face or whatever and grabbing at your junk. Yeah, ok, it doesn't really sound any less spoiled no matter which way I put it. But them's the breaks, fellas - as you get older, you just don't care about sex as much any more. ANTI-FOCUS: I once heard a friend of mine bitch and whine about how he was dating two girls at a time, and how he didn't want to bang either of them because he was pining for some psycho twat who lived four states away and kept shooting him down. I had to work pretty hard not to strangle him.
Having 5 sisters is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand they're reliable, beautiful, have hot friends, and help me buy clothes that look good and cost less. On the other hand...periods. And farting, and making me wonder what the hell is wrong with females.
I am naturally muscular. I have great muscle definition and am naturally strong for a female. I also enjoy working out with heavy weights and can put on some pretty decent muscle mass in short order. You know what the ideal body type for ladies is? Yeah, not what I have. Even if my body fat was infinitesimal I wouldn't really look that thin. It doesn't bother me now and I am aware that being solid as a rock has its advantages, but when you're 13 and surrounded by a bunch of skinny little teenage girls, you feel fat. My best friend remarked the other day that even if she works out harder and longer than I do, she never puts on much muscle, and that she was jealous of me (I haven't really been working out lately yet appear more "defined" than she). I was surprised and I have to say it made me feel pretty good.
High alcohol tolerance. It's supposed to be one of those things men aim to achieve, but at times it really sucks. I don't have serious alcoholic levels of tolerance, but it's up there. Sure, I can safely drive after finishing off my bar's stock of Guinness and taking a victory shot from the bartender, but it'd be nice to go back to being a light weight. Literally. It would save me countless hours on the treadmill (and dollars) if I could just get drunk on 2-3 beers like a college freshman.
I have a big butt for a girl who is 5'4". I love it to death, I do squats so it will grow nice and strong, but by the same token, I can't find jeans that fit well for the life of me. If the waist fits, it means my ass is being squeezed so flat I can barely walk. If they fit around the butt, it means the waist is so big that it slouches. I've yet to figure out how to use belts in a way that doesn't make me look challenged, so I continue to just wear pants that don't fit. Same goes for dresses. I fit into a size 0, except for my butt. It will look good around the bust, my arms, my legs, my back, but my ass will be sticking out like it's trying to hitch a ride. Still, for all my complaining, I'd hate to have no butt at all.
I'm 6' 3" tall. While that's not extremely tall, it still sucks for some things. Small cars and sports cars are a pain to get in and out of. Nothing outside of a fullsize truck seems to have the proper leg room. I've worked at a few places where tables and work areas and such are too low for me to work comfortably. Bending over slightly all the time is hard on the back. Since I'm also a stocky/kinda chubby guy it's hard to find decent looking clothes to fit. I also have big feet so sometimes shoes are tough to get in the style I want. I don't pay rent to live where I do since my parents own it but in return I do need to be over at their house to help them much, much more than the average person goes to their parents since they're both in pretty poor health and rely on me. I never have a problem doing any of it but I get ribbed sometimes for living rent free and at times it can mess my day up. It's also a 10 mile drive. I do this for my grandfather, too. I have numerous friends who have good jobs that require little effort and they never went to school. When they bitch about something at work it irritates me because they'd never get as good a job as they have anywhere else.
I can see how having a huge schlong can be problematic. For instance, I don't think giving every girl you bang a urinary tract infection will give you great street cred. Another, I probably gets tiresome hearing "Slower!!! Ow!! Ow!!! Slower!!" I mean, the only girls that you could date basically are the kind of sluts who can park a tallship between the legs without the mast touching. However, it would be fun to dress it up in Ken doll clothes to impress the missus. I just hope her G spot is located near her pancreas for your sake, Dirk. Then, there's awkward urinal disussion questions from accidental onlookers.... "Dude, I'm like, totally not gay or anything but..." My hair I consider a blessing/curse. Every...EVERY time I get it cut I get compliments on how thick or how nice it is, but it's SO goddamn thick it could probably deflect small arms fire, so I look like an extra from Welcome Back Kotter when it's dry or not styled. I can't grow it longer like I used to and want to because it's loaded with curly cowlicks, so I've had short hair for the last 15 years in order to avoid having the look of an escaped mental patient. I can't say it's a curse, considering that more than half my close friends are in the "JUST SHAVE IT OFF ALREADY, ASSHOLE!!!" stage of male-pattern baldness. Remember, kids: comb-overs help prevent the early onset of Dignity.
I feel you, dude. My hair is also long (looks terrible short because it has a mind of its own and will not be tamed) and I can clog up a drain a couple days. A lot of time people will compliment me on my hair and go so far as to reach out and touch it. It's almost like being pregnant and having people touch your belly all the time. That's still part of my body, please keep your hands to yourself.
I always question the legitimacy of articles about big dicks that don't mention the biggest problem of all: Dipping your dick in shitty water while pooping. Yea. Didn't realize that could happen, did you? 4 inches don't seem too bad now do they?
When I sit down to take a poop my penis goes into the water. This is not fun. Especially at public restrooms. See, that would be a problem. The guy in the article sounds like a whiny bitch. -Alcohol tolerance high -Too tall/skinny to fit clothing -High metabolism (these are already mentioned, and I agree) Things have always worked out for me, usually by sheer chance/luck. When I don't have money, one of my friends offers me a job. When I don't think I'm getting into medical school, one of my top ones let me in (the only one to let me in). When I drop my phone and break it, my roommate has an extra. SAT season, study twice and get a solid score. Never in my life have I ever had to work really hard to get anything. I've done the bare minimum most of the time and I've gotten some pretty amazing results. I'm worried for what will happen when there is a real test in my life and I need to make it through on my own. So though I've gotten through life this far with very few hiccups, I've never had hardship that other people have, and I'm not sure how I'll deal with it when it comes around...
I too have a ridiculously hard time gaining weight. My metabolism is out of its mind. If I'm eating the usual 3 meals a day, I slowly start atrophying. It gets especially annoying if I am very busy for a couple of weeks and sometimes finding time to eat isn't incredibly easy. I lost about 10 pounds in the time leading up to finals because many days I was only having 2 meals a day. The only effective way I've found of consistently putting and keeping weight on is 4 meals a day, regular lifting, and 2 protein shakes. Anything less and I'm either stuck at where I am or losing weight. What usually happens is that I'll spend time gaining weight, then something will come up and I'll become busy for a while and lose it all, then I have to work hard at gaining it back. I know it is a whole lot better than being fat but it is still a pain in the ass at times.