My story is disturbingly cliche, A few other students and myself received a reading award towards the end of the second grade. As a reward we were going to be recognized with the other students who had received math and science awards at the end of the year at an assembly where the local TV news weatherman would be doing a presentation and taking us up as volunteers. At the beginning of the assembly they brought us up to sit in the front of the school so we could easily go up to where the demonstration was if we were asked to volunteer, we also would stand up at the beginning of the assembly when our name was called in order to bask in the glory of our lofty achievements. Everyone instead got to bask in the glory of my with no pants, as I stood to be recognized the girl behind me was too short to be seen, so she pulled on my pants to get me to move. The came down, batman underwear and all and I stood naked from the waist down in front of the entire school. I retreated to my classroom where I proceeded to cry for the rest of the assembly. I never got on TV (I guess luckily) and my teacher was so concerned I was traumatized I got to spend the rest of the day in the main office drawing.
Grade 6 tech class. I lived close to my school, so I would just run home for lunch on occasion. On this particular day, I went home for lunch feeling like shit, and told my mom I didn't want to go back. She thought I was faking it (not an unreasonable conclusion at all), and made me go back anyway. Eating only made my stomach feel worse, but I still had to go back. About 20 minutes into my 5th period class (we did 8 periods, so the 5th was the first one after lunch), I was feeling like shit...and then it happened. I had been feeling like I needed to throw up but thought I could hold it, until suddenly I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. A bunch of puke came up and I tried to hold it in, but then another wave came and I projectile vomited all over the table. The class had been silent at that point and listening to the teacher talk, so naturally everyone heard and turned to watch the spectacle before them. I jumped up and ran out, but had to puke again on the way out and decided to spew all over a window between the office for that classroom and the class itself. I ran to the bathroom, sat there spitting for a few minutes, and once I had my bearings, I realized I had puked all over myself too. I sat there debating what to do, when my friend Harry walked into the bathroom, having been delegated the responsibility to come check on me (in retrospect, I feel that may have been a somewhat irresponsible move on the part of the teachers). Harry told me I had puked on two other people, and asked if there was anything he could do. I told him I was still sick and asked him if he could go to the office to call my mom, since I didn't want to wander the school covered in puke. She came and got me, apologized for not believing me (though she really did have every reason to suspect I was faking it, as I tended to do), and then got her comeuppance when my sickness turned into a 5 day pukefest. I was afraid to come back to school since I had just puked on two fucking people at my table (we sat around big blue rectangular tables with 6 people at each), but when I came back, the blowback was minimal. One of the girls I puked on made fun of me and wouldn't talk to me for a few days, but even that blew over within a week, and I was never known as Pukes McGee or anything of the sort. Our class already had two smelly kids, a small kid and a fat kid, so the people who would do the taunting already had their hands full and I never heard a word.
In 4th grade we had this event called Around the World where you got assigned to a team and had to portray another country in a booth in the multipurpose room. I was obsessed with gladiators and so my group's country was Rome. We were supposed to dress the part so I went all out and had mom take me to a costume store and rent a gladiator costume for the event. Next day I suited up and went to school, but somehow I fucked up the date. Everyone else at school was in regular clothes. At first I just tried to play it off like it wasn't happening, that I wasn't the ONLY kid in school wearing a cape, bronze breastplate and helmet. Recess was a real blast. By the time lunch rolled around I couldn't take it anymore and decided to ditch. That was one long walk home.
2nd grade: I used to pick my nose in class, stealthily, I might add, by ducking my head under my desk to do the deed. Well, one day, I got this mondo bugger hanging on the end of my picker, I mean, the size of a quarter, and slimy as fuck. What do I do? I flick it. Where does it go? The popular girl's leg. She gives me a look of absolute disgust, and all I can manage is to squeek out, "Please don't tell!" She didn't tell the teacher, but that was the day that the popular kids started giving me shit.
It was the first day of middle school (6th grade). The school was brand new, as a matter of fact, construction was not completed yet. We had to go to the gym to pick up our class assignments and then walk to the building that the classrooms were in to start our first class that day. The walk from the gym to the other building was over a very rough, uneven terrain with rocks and shit. My best friend and I finish up and the gym and we were heading to the other buidling. Right as we are passing by this group of really hot girls, I trip and fall. I actually cut my hands and arms pretty badly and I'm bleeding. One of the girls, a really hot but tomboy-ish type, starts laughing at me and saying something like "Haha! He fell down like a little mouse!" This REALLY pissed off my best friend. He was a pretty tough kid and never backed down from a fight. He said "I'm going to go and kick her ass!" Now, I was raised that you never hit girls, but at his point, my body and my ego were so injured that I just didn't care -- I wanted revenge. He walks over to her ready to wail on her. Before he can throw the first punch, it was basically over -- she kicked the shit out of him. For a few seconds we were both in this daze of "what the fuck just happened?". Then reality hit. We picked up our stuff and walked to the other building with our tails in between our legs. It was one of the worst school days I can remember.
One time my friend scribbled in my daily planner where we would write down all our homework assignments. I don't remember why, but it pissed me off so much. So one day at the very end of the day, I slipped his in my backpack and took it home. I proceeded to cut it up into a million little pieces, looked up his address in the school directory and mailed it back to him. Maybe it was a little over the top.
My junior year of high school we were running laps around the gym, wearing the required "dress out" gym uniform. A girl, Jenny, that I was good friends with thought it would be funny to run up behind me and try to yank my shorts down. Luckily, since we were running, either she couldn't get a decent enough grip or I had tied them tight enough, but my shorts only came most of the way down my ass. As I didn't have anything on under them, some of the others got to see most of my ass before I quickly yanked them back up. While I was embarrassed, it really wasn't the worst of things. Once we were finished running, I managed to get close enough behind her to yank hers down. I was actually shocked it worked as I would've figured she would've been keeping an eye out for me, and being 6'4" I'm kind of hard to overlook. In any case, her shorts dropped to her ankles. She stood there like a deer in the headlights for a decent little while before she managed to bend over and pull them up. Myself and everyone else that had just been standing around laughed our asses off. The woman substituting as our gym teacher that day did not and sent us both to the vice principle. He was horrified at what I had done and was thinking it was sexual harassment. Once he'd found out she'd started it you could tell he felt a lot better. We were both told to call our parents and explain what happened. Neither of mine were home(I knew they wouldn't be since they both worked), but her mother answered. I was almost giggling watching her relate the story to her mom because, as I said, we'd been friends for a while and I spent a lot of time at their house. You could actually hear her mother laughing on the other line. Jenny handed the phone to the VP who talked for a minute and hung up. Nothing else really came of it much other than the occasional person in gym saying something about her underwear being green.
I was a crier when I was a kid. The thing was, it only happened when I was mad. Not balls out sobbing or anything, just the waterworks started up and I was pissed. You can imagine how hard it would be for someone to take you seriously while you're crying and yelling at the same time. The last time I can remember it happening was fifth grade. We had a rule at recess during the winter that no one could step on snow or they would get in trouble. I assume it was to save the school from a lawsuit when a tard slipped on the ice. Well we were playing four square one day and it had just snowed the previous night. There were patches of snow all around the pavement, no big deal. The ball gets away from a kid and rolls across a few feet of snow to a spot of clear pavement. It was basically a snow moat around the ball. My friends all thought it was game over, I said fuck that because there was still at least ten minutes of recess left. I jumped over the snow onto the pavement, pretty clever right? Didn't break the rule because I didn't walk on the snow. Then one of the teachers saw me. This guy was a dick. He had it in for me because I was in his advanced math class and mouthed off all the time and didn't pay attention. Guess what, long division isn't that hard you douche. Anyways, he started yelling and told me to get inside because I had lost my recess privileges. I tried to explain myself but he wouldn't have it, so I marched inside. This is where the crying started. I couldn't help it, I didn't want to cry, I wasn't even sad. I was just frustrated because this guy wouldn't listen to me. So I'm walking back to our classroom thinking I'm home free because I haven't passed anyone in the hall so no one has seen me cry. Open the door to the room. There is the teacher with two girls doing some homework. Fuck. I'm a complete mess, there's no way I can hide the fact that I was crying. The teacher asks me what's wrong, I ignore her and put my head down at my desk. Game over, of course those bitches told everyone I was crying when they all came back in from recess.
After school one afternoon I had made a timber ramp for my bike. Now, I've got four weeks left of a civil engineering degree and let me tell you, this ramp is not my proudest design. I lived on a quite steep street directly adjacent to the school, and after placing my timber masterpiece on the road I started riding uphill to test it out at low speed, when I spotted a girl from my class walking down. I rode up to her and started to chat, until she noticed the ramp at the bottom of the hill, and asked if it was mine. I did what any other twelve year old boy would do when asked that question by a twelve year old girl. I said "Yeah! Watch this!" and took off down the hill as fast as I could, forgetting that the ramp was untested. I was also forgetting that due to the height which I had now ascended up the hill, the ramp was moments away from greatly exceeding its' design loading. The next thing I remember is being kissed. Not by the girl I was trying to impress, but by bitumen and gravel. My next thought was wondering where my bike was. Then it hit me. Literally. In the face. Realising the girl was watching, I pulled myself together enough to stand up, curse at the splintered ramp and throw it into a drain, before grabbing my bike and walking it back to my house. When I got inside, I realised I couldn't walk without her there to see it, and it turned out I'd pinched a nerve in my back quite badly. I was limping on both legs for a month. Girls blame boys for not thinking, but really I think it's their fault.