What. The. Fuck. Seriously. This has NOTHING to do with being a houseman/wife, it has everything to do with having a fucking ungrateful, disrespectful moron with no self-esteem for a partner. The fact that you associate one with the other is nuts.
It's not the point of sitting down with a checkbook and manually paying bills, it's the relinquishment of something that could be very controlling for the 'non-working' spouse. In our friends' case, since she wasn't earning the money, she felt obligated to call him and ask if she could go to lunch, where the finances were for something like that, or if she could surprise the kids with a trip to the movies. It wasn't because he demanded that, but it was because in her mind, it was his money. Once he told her "Look. I love you. I understand. So, you handle it. You decide where it goes, what it does, and what we can afford. As long as I've got good tobacco, good Scotch, and you to come home to, it's all good."
You assume wrong. While I enjoy my technical job, as another poster mentioned, what I do does not define who I am. I've been working since I was 15. I was "laid off" in January but was still paid full time until the very end of this month. Aside from worrying that I had to find a new job I was leading one of the most fulfilling times of my life. Taking care of my son, finishing up school and going out to do fun stuff was fantastic. When I was home, I was cooking great food from scratch and had a clean home at all times. I don't see how people get bored of doing this. There was always PLENTY of things to do.
At least in a few of those responses, the person works in IT or at least did in the past. As Scootah said, it's amazing how infrequently people associate that with hard work. I like my IT job. I am good at it and fairly well paid. That said, if my SO wanted me to do it and made that kind of money, I would quit and do those things as and I would be able to deal with the consequences. There would also be a defined allowance for me to squander as I like shiny new toys. I think the biggest part of this is that it depends on the person. I wouldn't be able to do nothing, but I have enough interests that I could always find something new to learn how to do. Woodworking, for example, is something that I will get into soon. In the US, especially with kids, it sometimes makes sense for one person in the couple to not work. A male friend of mine is in this exact situation. His wife is a nurse practitioner and makes low six figures. He is a house husband until their kids get to junior high. They actually save money by him not working by excluding day care, gas and other expenses.
Something else to think about: There is a difference between a job and a career. The difference in my mind is that a career involves more dedication, more long term planning, and a bigger time investment. For what I've seen, there is usually room for one career in a family. The amount of time needed to grow a career makes it almost like having another very needy child in the family. It seems to me that at the point two married people both have careers, they start focusing all their energy on that and not on each other and/or the children, and people start growing apart. To me, that's always kind of been a secondary reason for having someone stay at home. Apart from all the useful things that that person can accomplish, they also provide support for the other spouse's career.
Fuck no I couldn't. I've already got too much invested in my career to just up and quit, I'd honestly feel like I've just wasted the past three years of my life. Especially because in a little while I could increase my salary that 4 or 5 times. I'd rather my wife make the same as me or less in our current area then us having to move and her make all the money if my trade was useless in that reigon of the country. Atleast it gives us both a shot to work on our careers to one day make that salary.
This discussion has made me think about "career", and I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have one. I have a skill set. And I've been continuously developing and adding to that skill set for 25+ years. In the last 15 years, I haven't had a job that lasted more than 2 years. Hell, after 1.5 years of the last gig, I did just about everything I could to get fired. Typically the contracts last a few months, and even then it's remote/stay-at-home work anyway. That skill set is something that I can do on my own, in my living room, on a laptop. It's in demand. I don't have to invest insane amounts of time with an institution to advance, like some more traditional careers. If I "dropped everything" and did the stay-at-home, kept-man thing, the investment is still there. It doesn't lose it's value. If anything, it might increase in value, as I can now work on shit that I want to work on, with more passion and focus.
I've interpreted the situation a bit different than most, I think. The best way I can articulate it is this: the value of "keeping a house" is completely marginalized in a way that "having a real job" is not. I haven't seen a post here talking about how hard it is to be a GOOD housewife, particularly if children are involved. Cleaning, cooking, running around, picking kids up, dropping them off, looking after infants, managing the day to day minutiae is mundane and a slag and not glamourous and ultimately not seen as 'difficult' or 'worthy' by society at large. So when I see people saying, "Fuck yeah! I'd cook and clean in a heartbeat!" I think to myself, "They don't really know what's being offered." In exchange for being "kept" you now take on work that does not have the same value as that of your partner's. Don't believe me? Go to a party with your spouse, have a stranger ask what you do, and say, "Oh, I'm a stay at home mom/dad" and watch their eyes glaze over. Accompanying this is the idea in the back of your mind that the person who holds the job also holds the power, and I can assure you...it isn't for everyone. My parents had a similar setup to this; my dad earned a HIGH salary, my mother eventually stopped working to be more free to move with his career. After 22 years of marriage, she decided she wanted out and when she left she couldn't even get a credit card in her name due to her lack of employment/credit history. I can't imagine the kind of strength it took to completely start over at a menial job at her age, and she did it. So yeah. It isn't all about having one long work-free endless vacation. There's a whole power dynamic that - even if the earning spouse doesn't believe it - is often felt by the kept one.
The issue isn't one of the work you do, it's of the perceived value. Primarily of the person doing the work. Personally, I don't give a fuck what other people think about what I do; as long as I'm OK with it, good enough for me. Any woman I was with that looked down on what I did wouldn't be around for long. Housekeeper or IT specialist, wouldn't matter. The job you do does not define you or your value/worth. If they think otherwise, that's their issue, and fuck em. And vice versa. I don't give a shit what my spouse does, it's all good in my books. Unless it's for PETA or some other useless thing like that... but then I'd think less of them as a person, and still not care about their job. My ex was a hairdresser. I made a crap-load more cash than she did, but not once did I ever think of it as being a lesser job than mine, only different. I didn't marry her because of her job, I married her because of who she was as a person. This bullshit thing that's happening where people are defined by what they do and who they are is fucked. If you are in a situation where someone devalues you as a person or controls you because of your job and perceived worth, get a new situation where the other person isn't a douche nozzle, plain and simple.
The thing is, being a housewife/househusband isn't a job. It may be difficult and time consuming, but you are producing fuck all for anyone but yourself and your spouse. I view housemaking the way I view a really dedicated woodworking hobby: it's a lot of hard work, but why should I give a shit about all the stuff you're making for yourself? Your kids could drown for all I care, the economy will go on fine without you.
You fail. When you get married, you enter into a partnership. You have shit in your life to get done, and you divvy it up. If you both want a career/job, then you split and share the domestic shit. If one goes off to build a career, and the other one doesn't, then IN ORDER TO SUPPORT THE PARTNERSHIP, they pick up the non-career workload as their part of working together. Or some compromise in between. It's got fuck all to do with having a job, or the economy. If someone has shit self-esteem because they don't have a "real job", then that's their issue, and they should get it worked on, because work is work, regardless of whether you get paid for it. Again, like I've tried to say, you can't tally up a spreadsheet with the $/hour to decide what works or what is equal. Sometimes, it's just straight up time spent/invested by one person that therefore doesn't have to be spent/invested by the other.
You also don't take into account the vast majority of people are fucking stupid and tend to marginalize many things aside from something like this. Have you ever met someone who was happy with their relationship and marginalized housework? I haven't.
As opposed to what exactly? Most corporate jobs only produce something for you and those you work for/with, the economy will go on just fine without you.
This. See? Many people are like Aetius here and the moment they hear "house wife/husband," they think "idiot, lazy, not a real job, anyone can do it." Does their opinion matter? Not really. However, by choosing this path you must realize that in the eyes of many you will have lost almost all of your status, except whatever status you achieve by being "Mr. [Wife/Husband]." Still worth it for free days and no rent?
He might want to work on getting a girlfriend before handing out marriage advice. Just sayin. Marriage is about the EFFORT, not even the results. As long as both people in the partnership are expending the effort to better the partnership as a whole, its got a good shot at being functional.
I also don't hang around douche bags so who gives a fuck? Like Socrates before he was put to death, those who are important to me know the truth anyway. (not that I'm comparing myself to a martyr but you know what I mean)
What part of "I don't give a fuck what other people think of me" is hard to understand? You've met me. Chater's met me. QB has met me. Carrymehome has met me. As a result you should all have a REALLY good understanding that seriously, I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. For reals. Why would I? I'm happy, content, and having a blast with life. That's all that matters. Not some retard's opinion of the colour of my apron.
I'm not talking about you, Nettdata, specifically - I'm making a mass generalization. It's not all about YOU, you know.