Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Dear lord. Did they hot-glue some shiny pink horseshoes onto those lips?
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 I'll look at the rest of this thread later, but I am hammered and have not yet begun to drink. Hopefully you all are having a good night, I will catch up tomorrow.
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 The moosie made it back from the bar. I walked in at 8 and 9 seconds later I was asked to partake in a beer pong tournament. I took 3rd place with a chick who I guess has herpes (a funny story in itself) and got completely smashed. Won 20 bucks though. And now I'm gonna relay a story I wrote a few years ago that has recently come into my possession. give me moment
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Jesus Christ, 60 pages? And a lot of almost-porn pictures? I like where this has gone. Gotta love a message board where there is a 60 page topic about being drunk on Christmas. I should have been checking this thread more often, but I havn't been drunk enough since Christmas Eve. Tonight, however, I had my stepmother tell me that I needed to get together with one of my Step-Cousins (at least I think they are step cousins). She thinks these girls would be a "Great Match" for me, even though these girls are Fundi-Christians that have 12 siblings and only wear skirts. Apparently my step-mother doesn't know me very well, in addition to wanting me to hook up with step-family. Yes, it is time to drink. Umphreys on the radio!
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 So when I moved out of my old apartment, my younger brother moved in. So naturally I left all my shit there. That was like 4 years ago. This Christmas he gave me some of my old shit back as a Christmas present. Inside one of the folders that he gave me was a true story I wrote when I was working at a liquor store. The following is exactly what I wrote on the paper: In case you don't want to bother yourself with my story... Spoiler The weirdest customer: A true tale of nonsense and mayhem. By [MooseKnuckle] [A guy walks in the liquor store and spends about 2 minutes looking in the singles door(the singles door has all our single bottles of beer in it, as in you can buy just one bottle of bud or miller or whatever)] HIM: Do you have any single beers: ME: All of our singles are in that door right there. HIM: What's the price? [Because his question didn't include enough information to give an answer, I don't respond for about 4 seconds] ME: The price of what? [The guy turns to me, shrugs his shoulders, shakes his head and gives me a look that says "I don't know, the price for anything" but doesn't say a word.] ME: Well the prices are on the shelf right below the bottles [The man grabs a 16oz can of Busch Light and holds it up to me] HIM: How much is this? ME: $1.25 HIM: Is this 24 ounces? ME: No, that is 16 ounces. The only 24 ounce beers we have are the keystone ice and steel reserve there next to the busch. HIM: How much do they cost? ME: $1.75 HIM: Do you have any 24 ounce budweiser? ME: No. HIM: (Still holding the busch light can) How big is this? ME: 16 ounces HIM: And it's how much? ME: $1.25 HIM: And the 24 ounce keystone is $1.75? ME: Yup HIM: Well that doesn't make any sense at all. ME: No, no it doesn't. (I have no clue why I am agreeing with him) [The guy brings the keystone ice to the counter and I ring it up.] ME: OK, it's gonna be $1.91 HIM: I thought you said it was $1.75 ME: Yeah, but after tax it comes to $1.91 HIM: Well how much is the busch with tax? ME: Ummmm... I think it's about $1.38 HIM: Holy shit. You should have told me that when I asked you the price. ME: Ummm yeah, I'm sorry about that [He gets a very confused look on his face and looks back at the cooler door] HIM: So, why does it say $1.75 if the price is really $1.91? [I also get very confused.] ME: Well, $1.75 is the price before taxes and $1.91 is the price after taxes. HIM: That just doesn't make any sense. I thought this would cost me $1.75 total, tax and everything, since that's the price on the shelf. ME: Well it's like any other store. HIM: What do you mean? ME: Like if you went to Wal-Mart to buy socks. The pri- HIM: I don't shop at Wal-Mart. ME: Oh. But whatever, any store. The price marked on the socks would be less than what you actually pay because taxes aren't included on the marked prices. Does that make any sense? HIM: I wouldn't know, I haven't bought socks in over 5 years. ME: OK, but I still need $1.91 for the beer. [The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of change. He starts counting it.] HIM: See, I only have $1.75 ME: That's OK, I'll pay for the rest of it. HIM: I suggest that you change the price on the shelf to what I'm going to actually pay so something like this doesn't happen again. ME: I'll bring that up to my boss. HIM: OK, sure. See ya. [He walks towards the door, cracks open his beer before he leaves the building, gets in his car and drives away] ME: What the fuck just happened here? I guess I'm a shit magnet. THE END
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Well I am back home in the small town I grew up in. Like about 500 people total. And there is this beer pong tournament. I get roped into being on some chick's team since she doesn't have a teammate. I really don't know this girl very well. Anyway, in the middle of one of the games, the ping pong ball rolls past us and close to the guy's bathroom. Like it almost rolls onto the bathroom floor. My teammate says something about needing a new ball since that one came so close to the bathroom floor and is too dirty. Another guy says something like "that's what the cup of water is for. Rince that shit off!" I make a joke and say something like "you can't rinse off herpes. No matter how hard you scrub". Nobody laughed. In fact, it was dead quiet. And I thought that was a little odd. Herpes jokes are always a hit. Anyway, after the game was over, some dude pulled me aside and said "you do know that there is a rumor going around that [my teammate] has herpes, right?" No. No, in fact, I didn't. Hope I'm alright. She wasn't showing any signs and small town rumors are usually false. I'll probably regret this story when I sober up.
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 [quote="MooseKnuckle ] Herpes jokes are always a hit.[/quote] I did the same thing when a friend's brother asked me to suggest a name for his record label. I suggested Fireship and went on to tell him that's slang for folks with Herpes. He grinned and changed the subject. Later I learned he was a carrier.
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 I did the same thing when a friend's brother asked me to suggest a name for his record label. I suggested Fireship and went on to tell him that's slang for folks with Herpes. He grinned and changed the subject. Later I learned he was a carrier.
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Fucking College girls. I have 3-4 of them in my house now, with a couple of their douchebag friends/boyfriends. My old ass just wants to drink beer while listening to good music, but they are running around in their awesome short skirts and skinny jeans. I guess I'll have to top off another couple beers and start saying some inappropriate things, in true Idiot Board style. Merry Christmas +2 fuckers.
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 It's now nearly 11am here... is it too early for a drink? And by drink I clearly mean whiskey, or gin...
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Hi, mty name is derunk and I would like to join your club please. I have one ogold shinning and twleve peices of mark. Sinceryly, Me
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 I just got back from some mo' fuckin' drunk lasertag. HIGH SCORE BITCHES
Re: CHRISTMAS DRUNK THREAD 2009 Yessss. Iawant to lasertag drunk. Focus: I like hot tattooo'd ladies. mmmmmm boner.