Seriously that is creepy as hell. You guys didn't get enough porn? What the hell? I have this weird feeling that the dude the chick had done not only knew but for some fucked up reason was ok with it. Here's to the future leaders of our country. Focus: I poop. Usually daily and sometimes more than once...and I'm a girl! Ok for real, in my teens when Christmas time came I'd unwrap my gifts to see what they were and re wrap them. I specifically remember one year I unwrapped one and it was a knee length wool coat. I loved it. I must have unwrapped that thing 4 or 5 times when the 'rents were gone to parade it around the house. The perk to this is that I'm one hell of a good gift wrapper. Needless to say my Mom knew she couldn't leave anything hidden at home, because I'd search high and low and find it eventually.
The girls found out about it almost immediately and knew us well enough not to care. These were girls from our hometown that we practically grew up with. It was one of those things where one of the guys was walking by the vent and caught a glimse, then motioned everyone over to take a look while trying not to laugh. It's not like we planned it out and were all peering down there the entire time. Pretty juvenile, but that's typical for a bunch of 20 year old dudes. I can see how that sounded creepy as hell though.
I've wracked my brain trying to come up with some sordid little secret, and I've come up with nothing since I've already admitted to everyone that I'm wont to combine work and sex into a one-stop shop. The best I can offer is that, when I'm bored at home, I laze around in the living room in front of the picture window that faces our rear neighbor's house and see how many times I can get myself off in a given time limit. And I used to treat shoplifting like a sport. There was a time when more than half of my wardrobe had been stolen (~$2-3K). Going to jail for MIP was a miserable experience, though, and I vowed not to repeat it.
I'm waiting for KIMaster to post on this thread how much he loves Creed and Nickelback. Focus: My last regular FWB had a boyfriend. I knew this before we fucked and did it anyway. I'm a bad person. If there's any defense for this, I don't know this guy and will never meet him.
My father bought me a new car. Well, new to me, anyway. The first night I took it out, I got drunk and was driving to Fat Harry's and screamed passed a good parking spot. I slammed on the brakes, threw it in reverse, and, accelerator to the floor, scraped the side of a Suburban. I destroyed the entire driver's side of the car. But, because I was going backwards, it looked liked someone had hit me. I lied to everyone. My dad, the insurance adjuster, my mother, brother, the whole world.
The whole "grew up with them" part is a little weird, but is it that hard to believe that a 20 year old girl wouldn't mind a couple of 20 year old guys seeing her naked Porky's style? Have you ever hung out with college kids?
I have faked it more than once because I didn't want to deal with the insecurity shitstorm that would follow "Yeah, looks like it's just not happening..."
I guarantee that every straight male on this board would at least consider looking down the vent. Especially if they were horny dumbass 20 year olds. Do I need to get one of the girls from the story on here to verify that it wasn't a big deal? Jesus Christ.
I jerked off: -In 6th grade science class, under the table, while we were watching Bill Nye The Science Guy. -In the back of a minivan on the highway with my entire family present on our way to visit my grandma. -In my grandma's nursing home bathroom later that day I don't consider any of these dirty secrets. The one I've never told any of my friends: -One time, late in highschool, I got high and tried to jerk off to gay porn. I say "tried" because I couldn't get a boner. After about two minutes I completely lost interest... but still, at that moment, I consciously chose to obtain and watch gay porn to beat off to. Riddle me that.
This goes for everyone here giving Danger Boy shit for his story. He followed the focus to the tee. This thread is for entertainment purposes, regardless of how sick and twisted the stories might be. If he'd told us that he buried his cock into a five year old's ass, I could see some folks getting all up in arms, but his story was small time. Obviously this thread's going to cross some boundries, and truth be told I didn't think this would get a single post, other than mine and Frylock's, but let's cut the holier-than-thou shit and just tell our stories. FOCUS: I once started a fire that burned down some kid's treehouse. Wasn't intentional, but that's really a small comfort. EDIT: The kid was not in it.
I think I may have mentioned this before on here, but at one point in college I was in three relationships at the same time. Not casually dating three girls, or in a relationship with one, and fucking two others, but meeting families, hanging out with friends, banging. The whole deal. Two were on campus, and the other was longer distance. I managed to work out the time spent throughout the week with the two on campus girls, and then would go for weekends home once a month to see the other one. None of them ever suspected a thing.
I lost my virginity to a woman with a tramp stamp while she was on her period. Being inexperienced, I thought that vagina just smelled bad when I tried to go down on her. The smell kept me away. Once everything was said and done, I walked her to the metro and sent her off. When I got back to my room and turned on the lights, it looked like something had been slaughtered. Good bye, sheets! When I was younger, I'd spend all day on the computer and have to pick my nose. My boogers had to go somewhere and I couldn't be bothered to move so I placed them under the computer chair. Years later, I turned that chair over to survey the damage. It was so bad I grabbed a box cutter and cut the fabric off. Once jacked off during a sleep over with a couple high school friends while we were all talking to each other in the dark. I was on the floor in my own sleeping bag. I got up to "pee" for the grand finale. At a family friend's place, I rubbed one out, peed and then took a poop in the bathroom. When I went to flush... nothing happened. The home owner was a handy kind of guy so he went to work on it for 2 hours. I don't know what he discovered but it's never been brought up since. I was probably 12 or 14 at most when we slept at some people's house in a third world country. The family there was super muslim. The hot 20 year old let me sleep in her room instead of having to sleep on a shitty couch with 5 other people. She was wearing a veil and was properly covered for a muslim woman. Well, I went snooping through her drawer and found her underwear. That was the first time I discovered thongs and crotchless panties. I must have received a life time of sexual knowledge and experience in the few seconds I held those panties up. Seriously, imagine a relatively naive young boy who knew nothing about sex. Next thing you know, I'm going over the thousands of implications of what I've found and what it means about women and their attitude towards sex (which I was lead to believe was negative until that point). Anyway, the moment couldn't have lasted too long because I was sporting major wood within seconds and had to go to the shower to rub one out while "fucking" the crotchless panties. Ladies, I am available!
Fucked my buddy's ex in college. She puked and passed out mid-coitus. I feared blue balls so I blew a baby huey all over her pencil drawn eyebrows.
So I always tell people my first kiss-and I mean like kissing with tongues not any of that bull shit just kissing on the lips-was when I was thirteen with this kid I just met randomly on vacation. Truth: I went to grade school with this girl, Amber, and we ended up going to the same summer camp when we were 10 years old. In middle school she ended up being one of those dumb bitches that was "popular" but really all the girls just used her to make fun of her all the time. She took it like a bitch. Anyways, one day after camp she asked me if I wanted to come over to hang out some more. So when our moms came to pick us up, we asked them, and of course they said ok. So we hung out, listened to music, do what any normal 10 year old does. And then she wanted to play "pretend" and somehow it turned into a kissing game. And that was my first real kiss. Sidenote-during recess a few months later there was this kid, Matt, by the monkey bars and I remember the girls were making fun of him and Amber said something like "Matt likes boys! You kissed Derek!" And all I remember thinking was "Really, Amber? You definitely put the moves on me." But I never brought it up and to this day I wonder if she remembers that, if she is secretly a lesbian, and how many other girls she pulled this little "come over and have a playdate" game with at that time? Shady shit, but makes a great story.
The only time have ever been ashamed of where I have masturbated in my life was definitely on the ride home from school in 9th grade. I was always the last kid on the bus, and there was a 10 minute break from between dropping the penultimate kid before me. I don't remember what I was thinking, or about who I was thinking, but in those ten minutes I beat it, wiped it up with a graded homework, and threw it out the window. Rereading that, I'm a fucking heathen. Other things that I have done that could qualify include stealing a hot friends panties at her place during a party (drunkenly thinking it was funny) and then beating off into them like a week later when I found them in my jacket pocket. This was 16 years old. I didn't think anything of it at the time...until about 5 minutes after I was done.
I pretended I was drunk when I texted my best guy friend to tell him I was in love with him, just in case I wanted to take it back. Since then, I have repeatedly pretended to be drunk so I could "confess" other things. This might not seem like a big deal to most of you, but for me, it feels like I'm doing something terrible.