Don't sauce your steak

After seeing Get Out, this means I am now terrified of you.

 

Good sir I will not take that indignation. I challenge you to a duel.

Am I willing to risk death to ensure no one puts mayo on a burger?

Am I willing to duel someone who has had a brain tumor? Yes
Always hedge your bets

 

No, you could have Chef Paul serve them to her and she'd still want ketchup. She's half-British so she likes weird shit, like Worcestershire sauce. Christ. That stuff tastes like it was scraped out of my golf cleats.

 

Taste does a funny thing when you lose your sense of smell for a while. During recovery my sense of smell went on and off like a light switch for a while. It was the damndest thing.

I couldn't eat eggs for the longest time after that. I'd vomit every time I tried them for years. Only recently did I re-discover my old passion for them.

As I repoed someone earlier, duck eggs are to chicken eggs what craft beer is to bud light. Try some if you don't believe me.

I'm convinced you cannot make a duck egg bad. Even with mayo.

 

Focus: I don't like eggs unless they have cheese in them or are served in a sandwich or burger. Eggs by themselves are gross to me.

I never order rice in my burrito or really with any Mexican food at all. I am not a big rice fan to begin with, aside from saffron rice and brown rice with the pink or yellow sauce when I have hibachi.

Onions and mushrooms are about the only foods that I can't tolerate at all, but I do like the flavor that they add when you cook with them.

I hate hot coffee (and pretty much all hot drinks), but I love frappuccinos and most any coffee flavored dessert.

I am probably in the minority on this one, but I prefer my french fries more soggy than crispy.

This is also probably heresy since I'm a big meat eater, but I don't care for beef jerky.

 

Decent point.

To someone who is from Southern California or has lived there a while, a burrito that has cheese is nonsense. A burrito should have meat, pico, and guac and thats it, anything else just ruins it.

Chipotle and Qdoba are as Mexican as Pizza Hut is italian. And despite this Americanization, they still don't offer mayo, maybe that says something

 

Pineapple on pizza is delicious. Fuck all you detractors.

Mayo is disgusting except for two scenarios: deviled eggs and dill dip.

How can people not like eggs? Scrambled, good. Fried sunny side up? Heaven. I'm not a huge fan of omelets but I'm not going to turn one down.

I do put sugar in my coffee, but not much and no cream. I have friends who say they love coffee who put so much fucking sugar in it that it's more "sugar in water" than coffee.

I agree with Crown on the subjects of raisins and the proper way to cut a sandwich. If you don't cut corner to corner you may not actually end up with more crust but you definitely have the illusion which is almost as bad. If I eat an oatmeal cookie with raisins in it I'm probably going to vomit. Don't ruin my perfect oatmeal cookie (best cookie ever) with shriveled up grapes, thank you.

 

Mayo is disgusting. Most white condiments can fuck right off.

Sriracha mayo? Heavenly goo. Spicy mayo on an italian sub is bliss.

Also, take a cupcake, slice off the bottom and make an icing sandwich. I saw a girl who I can only gently refer to as tons of fun do this and while she looked like someone who has their own method for eating cupcakes, it's genius.

I am an advocate of using sauce to add to bad meat. But if you're spending more than $12 on a cut, put that shit away. Exception: slow cooking.

Breakfast with shitty white bread is a waste of life. Literally any other bread for breakfast is better. Same goes with plain bagels. Fuck cream cheese (see above reference to white condiments).

Chicken is the sluttiest meat...do anything you want to chicken and no one can judge you.

Scrambled eggs need hot sauce. Cholula or Tapatio are ideal, but you can't go wrong with Sriracha.

Hot sauce should not be Goddamned masochistic. Warn a motherfucker with anything hotter than Sriracha (my friends are dicks).

I disagree with the notion that cheese makes everything better. If you're not using butter or bacon grease to cook, don't talk to me about better.

Honey in coffee (especially hazelnut) is way better than sugar.

 

I always thought this was a common thing until people started looking at me crazy. Once you're done with the bacon, use the same pan the grease is already in and you can make something else. It's just common sense, plus it's efficient!

I love making biscuits and gravy. But I do the bacon first, because my wife and son eat like men and pepper bacon doesn't last more than a day in this house. Pan fried bacon constitutes an early morning snack. So right after I'm done with the bacon, I just toss some flour in and make my roux. Add in the milk, fresh ground pepper, and some garlic salt and you have the easiest biscuits and gravy ever.

 

I want to meet the sick fuck who puts cheese on fish.

So if I boil skinless chicken breast, you wouldn't judge me? Because I'd judge me.

 

If you've never had baked flounder stuffed with broccoli and cheese you haven't lived.

 

If living means eating a white fish with cheese and broccoli, I think I'm fine in my ignorant misery

 

Baked grouper stuffed with crab and cheese and topped with sriracha Mayo is also incredible

 

What is it with cutting sandwiches corner to corner? That's how we cut them for 5 year olds. Eat like an adult. Which also means not to use white bread. It has zero taste and the mouthfeel of a sofa cushion .

I'm ambivalent on the mayonnaise issue with one exception. Mayonnaise should never be put on an Italian sub - capicola (pronounced gabagoal), salami and provolone on a sub/hoagie/grinder roll with lettuce, tomato, onion, oregano and oil and vinegar. If you add mayo to this sandwich you're an idiot.

 

Salty and sweet is one of the classic flavor combinations, right? So if you don't like pineapple on pizza, you have the palette of a picky 5 year old. Pepperoni and pineapple is my JAM. On a side note to that, if you're ever eating red baron or Schwann's personal pan pizzas, some nice cold Heinz ketchup on those babies is surprisingly delightful.

Steak, when cooked properly, needs no sauce. Just google Gordon Ramsey makes a steak, it's perfect.

Olives are a food ruiner.

Pickles are what happens when Satan cums in a cucumber.

There is nothing wrong with putting ketchup on a shitty homemade hotdog. But if you put that on Grey's Papaya, you deserve to be stabbed.

Feta cheese is a drastically underused cheese.

 

I love olives. I could eat a jar. But, totally agree they will ruin food. I would never put them in anything, other than my mouth.

I also love pickles. So, is your hate only for dill, or do you also not like relish? I get angry if I have to eat a ballpark dog with only mustard, if they're out of relish.

 

I'm pretty much with Nett on this. I don't care what someone else eats or how they eat it so long as I am not subject to it, especially if I'm not paying for it.

However, I will absolutely ridicule someone if they season or sauce food without tasting it first.

 

Add me to the camp of not caring what others eat, but I will say, some of y'all have some weird fucking eating habits.

The only food rule I go by is, if I'm offering to make food for you, unless you have some sort of death inducing allergy, I don't give a shit about your individual needs, I'm making the food however I want. And if you are allergic, just bring an epi-pen in case.