Drink Drank Drunk Thread 4/20/12

All day drinkign at a Bar Mitzvah

out to the bar tonight with the neighborhood boys.

I am fucking hammered.

 

I spent most of the night getting half drunk and watching the UFC fights at a buddies place and everybody left to go home immediately afterwards... WTF? It is Saturday night is it not? Why is everybody being lame? So now I am home drinking beer watching Red Sonia and holy hell is this a horribly acted movie, it's like they couldn't cast one single native english speaking actor... and yet I continue to watch...

 

Mazel Tov! Our little Misanthropic has finally become a man!

 

didn't he turn into a man like, in the 50's?

 

Useful information:

If you are having horrible smelling burps, you can save them in an empty wine bag from a box of wine, and enjoy them again in the morning.

 

I'd like to be able to say, "I'd totally wreck that", but who am I kidding. Even if I had 3 dicks, I doubt I'd even put a dent into her. Holy. Fucking. Christ.

 

So hungover. There are dirty Mexican wizards dancing inside me, trying to make me throw up. For sure.

 

I'm still stoned. This rarely happens to me anymore. It's not a bad way to start the day though. Sorry, hooker.

 

Pro-tip: You get completely get rid of a red wine stain on a carpet by lying a wet paper towel over it, putting something heavy (like a book) over that, and then ignoring it forever.

 

Well it finally happened.

At approxnd. 12:30AM 4/21...I died.

True to form, I didn't stay dead.

And you'd be surprised at what a docile way I checked out, that may be why I came back, because it was much to lame of a way for me to go.

I was sittting in a chair by a bonfire and suffered a siezure. I went the wrong direction....that would be straight into the fire. My friends fished me out and put me back in my chair. I was burned but not that bad. We all continued to talk and I had another siezure. My head went back, my eyes rolled to white, with a moan I let the last air out of my body, pissed myself and turned gray.

And like that toytoy was gone.

One of my friends checked for a pulse in my neck and leg. Nothing. He started chest compression forcing air in and out while waiting for paramedics. After 2-3 minutes my eyes fluttered and much to everyone's amazement I was back.

The paramedics arrived expecting to find a corpse and found the dead man talking lucidily and calm.

And before anyone asks, I didn't see a tunnel, Jesus, dead granndma, or even Elvis.

I spent the night in the ER. My forearms and hand are bandaged up for 2nd degree burns, but the burns really don't hurt too much. I'm also staying the next few days with some friends to make sure it doesn't happen again when I'm by myself. Besides that all my friends are kind of freaked out over everything. My best friend for the past 30 years saw me die right iin front of him.

Other then being a bit weak and tired, I'm fine. Just call me Lazurus.

Cool, huh?

 

I have my first baseball game of the year in a few hours and I'm so hung over there is a visual cloud of it surrounding me, infecting those who come near. It feels like somebody hammered nails into my eyes.

It puzzles me why you simply haven't been sucked into a black hole or hit by two lightning bolts at the same time yet.

 

This goes together so perfectly.

 

And here I was thinking my hangover was the end of the world. Toytoy wins.

I want to curl up and suck my thumb until nightfall, but noooooo I have to paint with trim paint that smells like cake frosting in sunlight that's way too bright.

 

So I am really into that drawsome ipad came, and I seem to have hit a vein of fucking idiots.

I just got an eel with 8 legs, and a Jupiter with rings and labeled it a "star"

 

The first thing I saw this morning was the bat symbol. Tattooed on a girls chest.

I'm pretty sure I fucked Batman.

Now all I want to do is find a girl with a Superman logo tattooed on her chest and complete the set.

 

I loved that game. For like a day... then the words were already repeating themselves and the idiots I was playing with started just writing out the words on the screen. So lame.

 

I know that everyone on the board has their foibles and quirks but is there a less subtle way of declaring "I have issues!" than saying "because one female is being fickle with one male I no longer maintain the least amount of trust with half of the population"?