Drink-o De Mayo (Fashionably Late)! WDT 5/6/11

"I find Milton just as boring as you do."

At least he got to fuck Karen Allen. A young Karen Allen.

 

double post. wtf.

 

About half my LSAT students were girls, and most of them were in sororities. You do the math.

 

I was teaching 5-6 years before moving back in with my parents. This isn't the Star Wars prequels, coherent time line matters here.

 

How many "Whore-rwy, LLP" jokes were there? Don't you fucking lie to me.

 

Mother fuckers don't need to beat off. They're busy fucking mothers.

 

The only real math that comes out of that is the surprisingly impressive Legally Blonde DVD sales and rentals.

 

You guys do know that women are people, right? Like, people who enjoy socializing...meeting new people...have interests, some of which may overlap with yours...in short, people. Right? It's not like you're breaking the Enigma code or something.

 

Dude. Internet.

 

I just puff out my chest and flap my elbows behind my back with big, pursed lips, and strut around in circles. Jagger got tons of vag offa that. I've come close at least twice, maybe three times, and the third one wasn't wearing braces, teeth or legs.

 

It's times like these that I wish I went to college. The last 3 pages of this thread went so far above my head it left a vapor trail.

 

I'm never sure how much advice to give out when people tell me stuff like this. I mean there's a bunch of stuff that just isn't rocket science that lots of guys never seem to figure out on their own. Avoid looking or smelling like a hobo. Be clean and at least marginally groomed (stubble is fine if it looks allright on you, curry leftovers in your neckbeard not so much), shower before you go out, make some effort at oral hygeine and use deodorant. If you prefer not to have to take a break for someone to go floss pubes out of their teeth - trim those while you're going crazy. From time to time, get a fucking hair cut. If you're going bald, shave your fucking head. Unless you're Tom Selleck, don't wear a Moustache outside of November. Wear clothes that are clean and look the way you want to look - a suit is an easy choice if you look good in a suit and you're drinking in a white collar neighbourhood - but mostly just keep it simple and don't dress like a moron. And if your shoes are held together with duct tape or something, get new fucking shoes.

If you're drinking, drink to relax and have a get time. If you want to get shit faced, do it when you're not trying to pick up.

If you're eating, chew some gum or something before you go and try to talk to the stranger, make sure your breath doesn't completely reek and you don't have shit in your teeth.

Chill the fuck out. Go out to have a good time and meet some people. Keep it in your head that that's why you're out. If you go out to try and fuck someone - it shows in your behaviour, it makes you desperate and in most cases visibly desperate which kills your chances of actually getting anywhere, it makes you make bad decisions and do things you wouldn't have if you weren't letting the need to fuck anything be your main focus. Relaxed people who are having a good time do way better than horny morons who are desperate to fuck anything. And going out with friends instead of by yourself makes that a lot easier. And for the love of god, don't go out with some douchebag 'wingman' who is solely there to make it look like you actually have friends. If you don't have any friends to go for a beer with, fix that first.

When you're making small talk, entertainment media (movies, music, fiction in general) is a safe topic. Computer games, science fiction, or any topic that relates to things you did on a computer or in a room that contained more than two six sided dice or any dice with more than six sides, should be avoided unless you already do well enough with women that you don't need basic advice. Because while it is possible to talk about those things without repelling the average person - the vast and overwhelming majority of people who talk about their WOW character, or RIFTS campaign in bars with strangers, will die without ever having sex as a non commercial event.

Don't talk about depressing shit. People go out to drink and meet people to be entertained and happy - not to talk to throw some loser a pity fuck. Before anyone shows your pants a good time, they want to at least mildly enjoy your company. Even if your life doesn't suck, don't talk about how wealthy you are or how much awesome stuff you have unless that stuff is interesting, or unless you like whores. The only people who care how big your TV is are people who are planning to rob you and need to know what size vehicle to bring.

If you can be funny and interesting, thats a plus. But if you can't - at least be pleasant.

Buying people drinks is fraught with danger. You can be friendly and offer to buy a round, but if you're buying her drinks when you're not having one - it looks creepy, and if you're buying all of her drinks and she's not buying anything - the chances of her being a good person have gone dramatically down. Don't push drinks on her either - going out of your way to get someone drunk is a short step away from slipping her some roofies, and if that's you're intention - it's cheaper to just slip her some fucking roofies (pls note intense sarcasm, don't rape people, it's not that hard to talk to them).

Honesty and integrity are fucking important. Don't be a dick, don't try and bullshit, don't conveniently forget that you have 3 kids or a legal spouse or an STD. Don't pretend to be something you're not. And remember that you can improve yourself and become a better person if you want to. Good and interesting people get laid more.

And I really hope that nobody actually needed any of this advice.

 

Read a bunch of male ignorance (different than stupidity), some good advice, some (maybe justified) female whining, so gonna pass on some advice that I think works (well, he worked it well on me).

Never try to get laid tonight as a guy. That's trying too hard. Work on making enough of a good impression that you might get laid tomorrow night. If you're doing it right, then it will be better than a one night stand will be, because there's a connection.

For a female, yeah, you can get all of those you want with one of these. *shrug* Your call on how you use it, show it off, whatever.

PS - posting drunk at almost 3am on a work night, be nice on the red dots

 

Louis CK says it best in regards to guys & girls at clubs and bars.

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