The girl I thought I wanted to be married too and have babies with is now dating a "food handler" with no car, mugshots posted online, and a Pamela Anderson tattoo. Will someone play me a song?
"Food handler" can probably be lumped into the same window dressing category as "sandwich artist". I scrape roadkill off roads with a spade and a metal dust pan. I'm a Pelt Rangler, third platoon.
Waitress/Waiter = FOOD HANDLER. I didn't want to offend anyone. Really, I was hoping for more of this. Aren't we family here, anyway?
Always been a little horny for you, anyway. Now that I'm single, let me answer and howl at you. Best song they ever did. Destined to become folklore.
Differences from NFL (off my head): - 3 Downs instead of 4 - Every man can be in motion before snap - Field goal posts on goaline a.k.a The Immovable Safety - Longer field w/ deeper endzones - wider field - no sudden death overtime - larger, more round and heavier ball - Used to have two teams called The Roughriders in an 8 team league (fact) - 4 American team expansion only lasted one year and Baltimore won The Grey Cup their only season. ...I think. Some may have been changed. Lots of passing in the CFL, which keeps it enertaining. They just played the 100th Grey Cup last season.
You forgot the rouge, which is bonkers. Any kick that doesn't come following a score or beginning of a half and is either recovered by the kicking team/goes through the endzone is a point. Because, of course. It's slightly related to the drop goal in Rugby, but is closer to a behind in Australian football.
Woke up this morning to my son beating on my bedroom door, begging for an inhaler because he was in the midst of an asthma attack. He'd tried to get it under control with his nebulizer before waking up and couldn't do it, so he panicked. Poor thing was blue. Took THREE HOURS to make that somewhat stop. I'm still not comfortable letting go enough to drink. Ugh.
How's this for a Saturday night: beer and pizza at 11:30 a.m. day drinking while waiting on a bus, running the 40 meters to a convenience store to buy beers, shotgun them and run back to the bus stop before the bus arrives drunk grocery shopping looking up horrifying Japanese and Korean sex toys online while drinking wine watch Wreck-It Ralph eat a Redi-Whip & Chocolate waffle have a 25-minute long conversation in whispering tones with a bunny rabbit and Obama socks pass out wearing nothing but a bra, socks with Obama's face on them and one mitten. Yeah, my girlfriend's fun, but then shit got weird.
I had to give my son the Heimlich once after he choked on a mozzarella stick. The first time it didn't work and all I could think was Imgonnawatchmysonsfaceturnblue, Imgonnawatchmysonsfaceturnblue. Second time did the trick and this long piece of cheese came out of his mouth that he spit on his plate. He then took in a ragged breath or two and said, "Can I get a new plate?" Took me longer to recover than him. One of the scariest moments of my life. If it was up to me, I would cut all his mozzarella sticks into tiny tiny pieces, but for some reason, he doesn't want me to do that.