I choked on a lot of hotdogs as a kid (yeah, I know how that sounds). Most memorably during a family trip to DisneyWorld, where my mom gave me the Heimlich with such force that the hotdog propelled itself out of my mouth and became airborne...only to land dead center in the middle of the table next to us. That family was less than impressed with their new centerpiece, especially when it was immediately attacked by about twelve million pigeons. I am about to turn 27 this year, and my mother still gets really nervous when I eat a hotdog in her presence. She watches me like a fucking creeper and always asks if I'm sure I wouldn't like her to cut it up for me. Don't feel bad for the impulse. Just don't do anything crazy like, say, forbid your son from eating mozzarella sticks without adult supervision. I heard that's really embarrassing.
My roommate and I are trying to decide what amount of money we would need to feel comfortable never working another day in our lives. I say $5 million. With relatively conservative investments and a reasonable lifestyle, I could sit pretty through hard times and put the future kids through college without issue. I could also buy swords and a hovercraft.
We have a guy that comes into the pharmacy that was recently in the paper for threatening his wife with a sword. Last time he was in he needed a prescription filled for a narcotic, which we have to ask for a driver's license. He went off on my coworker saying how he is legally blind and doesn't have one, etc. Why was he threatening his wife? He wanted money for eye surgery. So I guess he wasn't lying. So, you know, you get those swords, don't be threatening anyone with them. Although I'm sure you'll look badass. And as an insight into my personality (I'm sure you're all dying to know), I will spend several wasted minutes of time re-configuring a sentence so it doesn't end in 'to' or 'for', etc. If I can't figure out a replacement way to phrase something, I will let it go, but I am not happy about it. Yes, I know, it makes me sound like a rather interesting individual. But you will notice that all my sentences are ended properly. You're welcome.
MY WIFE AND I NEED TO STOP PEEING ON STICKS TOGETHER CAUSE NOW WE DONT KNOW WHICH ONE OF US IS PREGNANT
One minute you're posting on messageboards, the next you're losing a bet to a Malaysian actuary and spending some time in Gstaad because that's where it's safe.
Men in women's lingerie rob man in Airline Highway motel room We're bringing our A game for Superbowl tourists. Someone is going to have a fun story to tell the family when he gets home.
Who cares? Now you can collectively kiss 250k of your future income good bye! No seriously, congratulations.
I passed out at the dinner table again, then blew Sriracha and rice out of my nose later on. Does that count? I really thought bop would be a wonderful complement to all the beer I drank in the afternoon. Not so much. I stand corrected. It was gochujang that came out of my nose. Not homemade though - we ate at Takorea on Juniper. Hence, why it was embarrassing that I passed out at the dinner table.
My wife is 15 weeks. I knocked her up the first day we tried. Because I'm not a low sperm count faggot. Congrats to all those who have a baby coming their way.
A friend of mine had her baby at the end of December and every time I hold her I squeal from all the squishyness. So. Adorable. Then again, a big part of the cuteness may be the giving it back part. Hmmm.
Looks like some fucking dipshit was out to make a name for himself à la Robert Ford. What a shame. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21313208
Question on football, If an offensive team scores a safety on their 2-point conversion attempt (the defensive team somehow intercepts the ball and then gets tackled in the end zone), why does it only count for 1 point instead of 2 especially when the conversion and a safety would normally be 2 points?