Did I ever post about the time I tried to sneak a beer into a bar? In my defense, it was one of those karaoke bars that only does super expensive bottle service, and I had JUST BOUGHT the thing when my friend said she wanted to go meet her friends there. I had just walked in with it tucked into my peacoat and was well on my way to pulling it off when the bouncer asked to see my id. I reached for it unthinkingly, and as I did, it tumbled out of my coat and onto the floor of the vestibule, shattering and sending 40 ounces of beer and a glass constellation onto both of our shoes. Before I could offer to clean it up, he bid me a good night and I wandered off.
"After my meal, I'd like to smoke one of your finest cigars. Black and Mild you say? Oh, and you offer Newports? Very la-tee-da."
Pretty sure the entire US Navy would care to disagree. And Nom, one has never buttressed claims of masculinity with references to Drake. I think my roommate is starting to wonder about my relationship with alcohol after she walked in on me, alone, glass in hand and a full bottle of Jameson on the table, watching Fast & the Furious. That'll teach me about not going out because I have an early morning tomorrow.
They're pretty versatile. They can be hipster, they can be prep, and as a black guy, they're a good way of signaling to cops and Whole Foods cashiers that I do in fact have white friends.
Fuck! Don't you hate it when other peoples' bad news turns into your bad news? I just found out that my ex-wife had her purse stolen yesterday, and she lost $800 IN CASH, her ID and her SOCIAL SECURITY CARD. (Seriously, what kind of retard carries their Social Security card with them? And she has seen what identity theft can do to a person [it happened to one of her uncles].) Who wants to bet that she's going to ask me for money soon? Or that she is going to have the IRS after her for back taxes on wages that she never made? I feel like listening to sad music.
You lead a complicated existence. I like to think you are the basis for the successful negro meme. I created one in homage:
Good choice on the Metallica....that tune always helps me to vent out some aggression at least. Tonight is the first time I've touched alcohol in almost two weeks. I needed that. Oh beer, how I missed your embrace.
Just fucking around and found this video of a Pearl Jam song done by a fan. It is by far the most professional fan-made video I've ever seen. Regardless of what you may think of the band or the song, this is pretty impressive.
You know what I hate? When I'm bitching about something and halfway through I realize that it's my fault and I'm totally in the wrong: "My boss is a fucking asshole. Can you believe this lady? Here I am sick at home and I can barely get out of bed, and she wants me to call the office to let her know? I'm just supposed to CALL when I'm sick, like some sort workaholic...sickie? Can you believe..."
After three pints of shitty beer, I decided tot ake four eggs, six bacon strips, and some bearnaise causce and make an omelette. Come morning, my face will be the perfect "before" picture for a Proactiv ad, and by afternoon, my asshole will be burning, but by God it was worth it. I love getting a nice buzz off of two bucks worth of beer.
So I've tried leaving 3 green dots tonight, but I was denied. I must "spread some rep around" first. The sad part? The first two were Dixibandit and Ballsack. Good job, guys! The third was Diablo. Good job, Devil Dog. Thanks for your service, and congrats on your wings. Anyway, I'm back porch sitting, and it's raining. My dog is super scared right now. I just realized that she hasn't ever seen rain, as she was born 12/22/2010. We haven't had rain since then. And I have a well. Droughts suck.