Speaking of Touch... You (Audrey) have had close encounters with the 'tard kind very much lately, but I think I have something that tops every stupid thing I have every heard (at the same time). I got into a discussion yesterday with a woman who claims that I was an "idiot" because I thought the human Nervous System --something they teach you about in grade five-- was the system of hair-thin receptors (aka "nerves" ) that run throughout the body and are tapped directly to your spinal cord and brain, which in turn transmits the sense of touch and physical feeling. Nope. As it turns out, the nervous system is a "gland in your brain that transmits the emotion of fear, therefore it's called the 'Nervous System'. Makes sense, huh?" Soak that one in for a second. ...and it was ME who was called the idiot in this conversation. This is the result when you don't watch your electrical outlets when you have a small child.
Apparently people in Yorkshire cannot relate with our mascot, but share our love for using it in puns. That's probably the most threatening-looking photo of an otter you could possibly find. Even this guy's scared of him:
It has now been Fleet Week for two whole days and I have not seen a single sailor. And I work in Times Square. There was a whole musical about sailors hanging out in Times Square. (Right?) This is some bullshit. In other news, someone thought I was Kat Dennings just now. This was the fifth time I've been mistaken for a celebrity (Regina Spektor x2, Diablo Cody and, wait for it, Lindsay Lohan. I look absolutely nothing like Lindsay Lohan, but the guy was around 80 years old, I don't think he could see me very well.) and it's always really awkward. I hate seeing all of their hopes and dreams crushed in their faces when I tell them they're mistaken, and then somehow I feel guilty about it even though all I did was walk around kind of looking like somebody famous.
Next time charge them money for an autograph. You would think that's bullshit, but I know a kid who did just that in an airport when someone thought he was Kenny Chesney (country music star who only shared the physical characteristic of dark hair and a cowboy hat.)
Hahaha you think academic economics is above mere politically-motivated squabbles and positions fueled by ideology rather than fact. You're adorable.
Wisconsin Death Trip is the most unintentionally funny movie I have ever seen. It's just a disjointed narration of newspaper stories interspersed with bad reenactments. Murder, adultery, arson, sheep heads, and serial vandalism apparently didn't exist before the year 1900 until a visionary director discovered newspapers.
It hit me this morning. I'm watching Today, and 'Pitbull' is on. I now want to be a rap artist. Benefits: I don't actually have to play an instrument. I don't have to learn to sing, I can just repeat a stupid phrase over and over. Oh, and repeat my rap name every chance I get in a song. Otherwise, how will people know it's 'my' song? I can bounce around and look like a retard, and finally (after all these years) be considered cool and edgy. I don't have to write music, I can just 'sample' (re: steal) stuff I like that other people worked hard on. I don't even have to pay them for it!!!!! I don't have to hire a band. I just have to hire a guy that can play records. Less people to take a cut. I like that. Cons: ???? I'm soulless? Actually, this should be in the 'Benefits' column.
You could wear nice tailored suits like Pitbull too. Just got to work and this lady, who's about 60, just got a new cell phone. "I had my old one for 7 years!!! And it finally crapped out on me!!! My old fingers can't work this touch screen....how do you send pictures? I tried taking a picture of myself and it didn't work. I guess I'm too ugly for the phone, but you can't help how you look!!!" Motherfucker. I JUST got to work. Please tell me this is not how my day is going to be. Fuck it. I'm leaving early.
Can I just have beer with a side of bacon? When I want something that tastes like bacon, I'll just eat bacon.
So who else in CT went out of their way to buy alcohol this past Sunday? And who plans to do it again on Memorial Day? Random aside, I bought a couple of those bug zapper tennis racket things and holy shit is that the most fun I've ever had for $5. Highly recommended.