I want to become a guitarist. All I have to do is jump around on stage and pluck some strings with a vague semblance of rhythm. Hell, even if I decided to sing too, I don't have to come up with rhymes, and no one will worry about metre or internal rhyme structure. I'm not even usually expected to be clever! People keep telling me it's "harder than it looks" and sending me videos of some guy named "Eddie Van Halen" playing something called Eruption. But he didn't even seem to break a sweat. Easy-peasy, motherfuckers. Someone even sent me a video of some band called Rush, and it doesn't appear that I even need to be able to sing better than a cat in heat! And based on what I've heard on modern rock radio, making a career out of reheated Pearl Jam songs is not only acceptable, but the norm!
I will literally send you 50 dollars if you can write a verse that approaches the detailed used of metaphor, wordplay and schematic consistency shown in that song. Consider it an investment in your career as a rapper, if it's so easy. I am dead serious about this. As for your persona, it would probably help more if you didn't vacillate between obnoxious condescension and pandering self-deprecation, but what do I know? I'm no swag coach. I'm just a man who poured hard cider on his cheerios this morning to see if they would taste like Apple Jacks. In other news, I have two parents, a sister and two dogs coming to stay the weekend. It's possible that I may be a bit on edge.
And see?! Even if I don't do well at the guitar, they were nice enough to build an easier fall-back option into the genre! This rock shit is a piece of cake! And the result was...?
Guitar is wicked hard. And it hurts your fingers. Kit's hard too, until you can figure out how not to over-think each one of your limbs doing something totally different. Hands down the hardest instrument I've ever played? No, not the skin flute. Trumpet. My hat is off to trumpet players. That shit screws your lips up something awful. In other news, this GSElevator quote made me giggle.
Though I have pages and pages of lyrics, I would not send them to you, or anyone for that matter. I'd like to say that they're too good, and I'm afraid they'd be stolen. The truth is I can't stand them, they are pedestrian at best, and if I'm going to do something public (perform, etc.) it has to be something I'd be proud of. Fair enough. I'll give you a heads up. I'm by nature a very self deprecating guy. The condescension usually rears its ugly head when people (whom I've made no personal attacks on) use personal attacks as the first club out of their bag in response. Now this is intriguing. More importantly - and I'm DEADLY SERIOUS - did it work? I could be a dick here and say 'just play that thing you posted' and leave it at that. But that would be mean. Try anything by Katy Perry, on repeat. Your family will leave. There is a small chance they may disinherit you as well, but you rolls the dice, you takes your chances. Rap I actually like: Yes, the last is purely for nostalgic reasons. Love it though.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! "Mom and dad, this is Chasey. Chasey, this is my mom and dad. Now show 'em them titties."
Village, the ad-hom was uncalled for and excessive. I'm sorry about that. I do take it somewhat personally, however, when people criticize rap in huge blanket statements, because I have not once heard such an argument that even approaches making sense. It's way harder than people give it credit for, and I wish that people would stop lumping all of it together. You wouldn't say Adele is untalented and singing sucks because you heard a Katy Perry song and it was formulaic, so the fact that people do it to hip hop makes me think that there are bigger cultural forces at play. But let me get back to doing what I do best. NSFW NSFW Careful, this image is huge: NSFW
Ahhhh, some days I just love my job. I just had a 20 minute conversation with a patient to try to convince him that he likely just needs to masturbate. I couldn't counter his "god is watching" argument though convincingly enough though. Poor guy.
Ok, I'll bite. What possible health concern/condition leads to a healthcare provider telling a patient that they need to masturbate in order to address the issue?