When I was 16 I woke up in the middle of the night with stomach pains so bad I couldn't stand up. Had to go the hospital and getting my ass checked was one of the tests. It was made worse when they told me I had to have an enama. They told me I could do it or they could. After having some other guys fingers in my ass I told them I would do it.
Just before my cousin's 18th birthday, he got a nasty case of kidney stones. I guess part of the diagnosis was a prostate exam. They didn't really warn him - maybe they thought he knew what to expect. They just had him curl up on the table on his side, and said "just try to relax". Apparently he hasn't been able to sleep on his side since "the incident". The take-home message: Bum play is fun, but you've gotta give at least a little warning. At least a "heads up".
I'm 32 so I'm approaching the age where I'm going to have to offer up my anal virginity to some provider's gloved finger. Not looking forward to it, but what can you do? And on the topic of insertions, while I dread having a prostate exam, I'm more or less terrified of finding myself in a situation where I need a catheter inserted. Fuck that.
Or her gyno is really into bowling. Does he ask you to do a 7-10 split after he inserts fingers? In about 3 hours I'll be hitting the local dive bar - not my usual joint - for cheap beer, cheap shots, and whatever happens to be floating in that big jar of purple juice at the end of the bar. Eggs, or pigs knuckles, or something.
This is fascinating. What do people like Mr Anus Jar do where they go in for their first prostate exam? They've got what looks like a deflated basketball in their sagging drawers from squatting on street cones for years (no doubt uploading footage to <a class="postlink" href="http://www.xhamster.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.xhamster.com</a>). Are they self conscious? Proud? Doctor goes back there expecting a routine exam only to be greeted by a fat, yawning o-ring the color of angry red. My friend is a teacher. One of her students apparently has an asshole leakage problem because of his perverse anal proclivities. Dude is 17 and wears a diaper. How does she know this? Note. From. The Doctor. 17. Da fuck? (Edit: either the kid is a smart ass genius, figuring out no one will bug him doing drugs in the can with that forged note, or, well... damn.) In honor of BD getting fisted, I am making red beans and rice. Little extra cayenne for tomorrow morning's sabbatical on the can. *thumbs up*
So I just yelled at one of my guys for smoking while sitting on a full propane fuel tank. If it wouldn't have taken out half the staff when it blew I was half inclined to just let nature take its course and rid me of an employee in a spectacular fashion.
I think it's super nice of you to employ the retarded. It's often hard to find jobs for those folks that don't require them to say 'would you like fries with that' in that downsy voice of theirs.
Never get a near sighted gyno. And I think your terminology is off. "Friday night at the bar" is not considered a gyno appt. Yes I do plan to ignore every bit of logical and proper explanations that you provided and continue with the laughing part of "to examine my vagina he puts a finger in my ass"; I think I found a new debate with the wife. "It’s cool baby I'm just making sure your ovaries are ok." Low production Thursday, Wed night beer, hockey game, and poker room wasn't the greatest decision but a fun one.
What the hell kind of doctor did he go to? I've had several kidney stones, and I've been to the hospital for them at least three times, and never once has a doctor had to do a prostate exam with them. They take x-rays or scans to see how big/how many stones there are, but I've never had them try to feel them by shoving their hands up my ass like some kind of fucked up muppet. When reading Blue Dog's post I was thinking kidney stones, too, but if they did an x-ray and it came back clean then he may be just sick. When the stones get to my bladder, I feel like I always have to piss, no matter how much I go or how often. I will be done, but still feel like I have to go. Kidney stones are evil.
Yay, judging other people's physical diagnosis skills because your experience with a condition that you think is 100% identical hasn't been exactly the same! Because every one of you knows exactly what these exams are looking for and what diagnostic signs each test can indicate. In related news, colonoscopy kits are fun to hand out. Everybody covers up their impending dread with humour.
Ballsack, you might want to know "Futurewife" is on teh intarwebs... Don't believe me? see for yourself: NSFW http://thehottestamateurs.tumblr.com/post/15339339008/i-think-betweenbrightness-here-on-tumblr-had Also, this should not go unnoticed, it's fucking awesome:
You know what's cool? Boobs. What's not cool? Naked woman on her hands and knees with a fucking pacifier in her mouth. Instant Junk-hiding-in-stomach-itis.
I went on a blind date with a guy who wanted me to suck a pacifier and call him daddy. While I had no problem with the latter request, the former was fucking odd. Apparently that's a boundary for me.
Just chiming in here to say that rachii is not in fact making shit up or in the care of a perverse gyno. I've gotten the finger up the butt from a couple different gynos over the years. Not every time and not every doc, but yeah, it happens. I'm also chuckling to myself that it freaks you all out that much. Between cold hard speculum cranked to 11 in the vag and small flexible finger in the ass, I'd take ass every time. And I've never even done the buttsecks. Blegh.
Note to self... Check the alcohol content of the beer before slamming it. Also, verify the taste of Deep Eddy's Sweet Tea vodka before drinking it at your desk. Love, Sober self. P.s. 20 backsquats with a mild buzz is a BAD idea. Intervene with Drunk Self before doing that next time. Also. I do not like butt secks.