Eff It-The 2011 CANADA DAY Drunk Thread!6/30/11 4th of what?

Ok, so we were sitting down, and had relaxed from the skunk scare, and then we hear water flowing. I thought that the upstairs neighbor was pouring some shit off his deck, but someone had walked into our garden and started pissing on my iris bush.

So I walked out and started yelling at him at the same time my other neighbor saw him and started yelling, and he ran away screaming that he was sorry.

Also, he was pissing where the skunk was hanging out. It would have been awesome if it sprayed him.

 

I have two skunks that live in my backyard, Bob and Steve who like to throw my mulch around and leave fresh sun-dried morning turds in my garden. Despite the gap in my dor to my shed in only a couple inches, they flatten their bodies like mice, squeeze under the door and make valiant and violent get into the animal-proof garbage cans. Every once in a while I will open the shed at night and be greeted by glistening eyes in the dark and growling, which is followed by me leaving a me-shaped cloud of dust where I was standing 0.000005 seconds before. I have gotten them with the hose, but missed them with my tool box. Bob and Steve are not neighbours that I like very much.

 

The point is that if he's one of the seven main founding fathers, and he's a foreigner, that makes our country part-foreign. I don't want to live in no mixed-nationality country. God separated the nations for a reason.

 

Holy shit, your life is a lolcat.

 

I live in Canada. The sign very clearly said "coloured". I thought it was strange to see it that way because I'm used to seeing "colored", usually in the context of documentary footage about segregation from the States. But in any case.

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.rev.gov.on.ca/en/bulletins/ft/fuel1_2001.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.rev.gov.on.ca/en/bulletins/f ... _2001.html</a>

... is the answer. And it seems the same as it is in the States: it's fuel that's not taxed, but may only be used for non-taxable, non-enjoyable, purposes. So you can't put it into a vehicle with a license plate, but you can use it to power a generator, as fuel for cooking/heating, or on vehicles that can't go on public roads like farm equipment or those land cruisers that mining companies way out in the middle of nowhere use.

 

That's true, the reason San Fran has so many earthquakes is because the gays make him angry.

God separated the lands? Why did the founding fathers wanted separation from God, then? Benjamin Franklin said "Lighthouses are much more useful than churches". Jefferson said Christianity was the biggest perversion ever to be relased on mankind. Yet all I ever hear on TV is how the U.S. is such a "Chris-CHAN Nay-shun". If they followed to founding fathers' plan to a T, we may all have had Hoverboards by now but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

And give Hamilton credit. Guy died in agonizing pain from a bullet to the groin. That was the clincher to get him on the ten dollar bill. Think Aaron Burr is choking on his own cock over that one?

 

He was shot in the abdomen, not the groin, but maybe that's just a nuance of Canadian English.

 

And I just got puked on by an inchworm.

Try and beat that in your most interesting 4th of July post.

 

I can't believe we complain about the vitriol in our politics today.

Duels, cane beatings on the fucking floor of the Senate...ahh those were the good old days.

 

Whatever, I only heard about it once a while ago and I was told groin but you'd probably know better. I just knew the who's and what's. You don't know DICK about us, so feel flattered you're more famous.

In my 'hood, it's all about the Bordens baby.

 

Nigga, please. If you're going to throw Bordens around, at least use the new design.

Spoiler

 

At least our First Ladies don't go around sleeping with Mick Jagger.

Actually, I suppose that might be construed as being kind of bad ass.

Oh well. Point was that your Prime Ministers ain't packin' enough heat.

 

Isn't that the guy who invented Coca Cola or something?

 

I knew every question in the Montreal category on an episode of Jeopardy. I also know that McGill doesn't offer an MFA. And, I've eaten at a Tim Hortons.

 

Hey folks, I need some ideas...especially from our legal minds here.

A friend owns a buisness raising full blooded wolves. She's had the business for 17 years with no insurance claims against her. Her insurance company just dropped her because she owns wolves.

Who can we bitch to?

 

Anyone you'll pay to listen.

 

I think the greatest shame our nation carries is our mascot: The BEaver. FUCK I hate this fact. You Americans have the Bald Eagle. One of the most badass-looking birds on the planet. It has a permanant "Fuck you stare" that just exhumes pride.

In our country, we have amazing and kick-ass nature just like you guys. Elk. Timberwolves. Wolverines. Owls. Reindeer. Eagles. Moose. Troy Crowder. Caribou. Grizzly Bears. Grey wolves. Polar Bears. FOR FUCKS SAKE an Arctic Fox or a fucking Labrador Retriever would be better than a fat-assed pond rodent that slaps its tail on the water like the 40-pound pussy it is whenever danger approaches. THIS is the animal they choose to represent our country? Even the duck-billed platypus has a spur that can render its enemies in pure agony and we get THIS shit.

Oh, and don't interrupt me during sandwich time.

 

The first native born U.S. president was MVB. Technically, the Swedes in South Jersey were foreigners, as were the Spanish in Florida, or the French in the Northwest. You're trying to use instantaneous land claims like they're part of the historical record. I mean, as we speak, it's still almost a month before the Declaration was signed by enough people to become an official document some 235 years ago. You really want to be absolutist about this?

Don't cherry-pick history like your opponents.

 

Anyone else here ever drank a beer and thought "Holy fuck, this has way more carbonation than usual..."?

I must have had a dozen tall boys on the golf course today, my friend and I both commented on it, thought it was just because they were really cold and we were really thirsty, and kept combatively drinking them.

Cue about 7pm, and I'm ripping the largest, most bellowing farts I've had in quite some time. I send him a text and ask if it's the same for him. His response: "Rachel just asked me to leave the table. Eating dinner over the sink. What the hell did we do?"

So yeah. Between the fireworks outside and the absolutely epic butt trombone I'm playing, our pets are cowering.

Ps- BAGGED MILK? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

 

Really? Who was the last President to personally put a protester in a choke hold? Or the last first lady to bitch slap a burglar with the nearest heavy object? American politicians might be fine when it comes to sending in the troops, but the Chretien's PERSONALLY fucked up people's day. Candian politics was the best part of my highschool international politics classes while Chretien was in.