Eff It-The 2011 CANADA DAY Drunk Thread!6/30/11 4th of what?

Madam, I can tell you do not drink. Why? Because you limit the possibilities to just intoxication or taste. Sure, I appreciate both, and I am loathe to decide between the two (although I'd probably go for taste and let the placebo effect take care of the rest). But alcohol is more than that. It's about its scent in your nose, the feel on your tongue, the burn on the roof of your mouth. It's about taking the first sip from a Bavarian beer with an inch of foam on it, reminding me of my fond memories of that land, and making a mini vacation of itself. It's sipping at a warm scotch with a book by a cold French philosopher. It's about the pride you feel in sharing your homemade stuff, the satisfaction of someone else enjoying it, and making a truly hospitable gesture despite its minimal cost. It's about the anticipation of opening a bottle of something new, wondering if it'll be good, and the excitement you feel when it turns out that, god dammit, it is good, and a bargain to boot. It's about the fact that a guy can buy a round for his buddy or buddies and have that carry more unspoken and genuine sentiment than when he buys his girlfriend a $1500 purse. It's about how, of all of the items in your kitchen, you never need to worry if it's been in your cupboard for too long. It's how your friends thank you for helping them move. It's the great equalizer: how I can get along with my creationist relatives by showing up to family functions with a bottle of something interesting, and sit comfortably next to someone who doesn't speak the same language as me by drinking the same thing they are (and, of course, how drinking enough of it makes me that much more competent at speaking that other language). Of all the arguments in favour of a supernatural aspect of existence, the only one that has ever made a lick of sense was Benjamin Franklin's insight that beer is proof that god both existed and wanted us to be happy.

Taste vs. intoxication? This is like a frog arguing about the merits of living in a well. Sure, they're two necessary components. But they are not sufficient.

 

He was doing a speech set on the last day of the Civil War and did a little Q&A. A little kid asked him when President Lincoln died, exactly. He answered that he wasn't dead yet and hopefully wouldn't be for many years.

Awwk-ward...

 

LINCOLN WILL NEVER DIE! RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

 

I dislike Notre Dame fans almost more than any other school's, but that had little to no effect on my opinion. The stadium is quiet during the game, most people I saw were just...I don't know, they acted like they had better places to be, all the while being insanely condescending if you weren't ND alum. Just didn't like it.

Tailgating in the south is just more fun, regardless of conference, but if you want to see it done over the top, almost to the point of it being maniacal, go to a big time SEC game.

This is by no means a concrete list, as it depends on the games scheduled, the quality of their team that year, what kind of group you're with, your age, etc, but in terms of gameday atmosphere, with everything being included (the town you're in, the girls, the bars, etc) I'd rank it as follows:

1. Athens (Hate to admit it, but it's just that damn good)
2. Baton Rouge (for the tailgating alone, and the requisite NOLA stop the day prior)
3. Gainesville (Obviously biased, but being inside The Swamp is a must experience if you're a CFB fan. It's unreal. Also, one of the biggest party schools in the nation. We know how to bring it.)
4. Knoxville (on the river, bigger town, great bars, hot girls, the only downside is the actual UT fans. They're awful.)
5. Auburn (This is what people imagine when they think of SEC football towns. Nothing to do but cheer and drink and fight. In the middle of nowhere Alabama.)
6. Oxford (this one should be higher, but Ole Miss always sucks, and unless you're greek or know someone who is, chances are it'll just be another day drinking event. If you DO go to The Grove and you're with someone, invited to a tailgate, etc, soak it up. Place is SO SO SO SO fun.)
7. Columbia (Eh. I fucking hate USC, and everything smells like shit. Not really, but fuck them anyway)
8. Lexington (Why the hell are you at a Kentucky football game?)
9. Fayetteville (never been, can't imagine it would be fun. It's fucking Arkansas)
10. Starkeville (mud flats, awful. do not go.)

1-6 is pretty much interchangeable depending on who you're rooting for, how big of a game it is, weather, and the kind of person you are.

 

My favorite portrait of Lincoln. It captures in America in a way that brings tears to my eyes.

Spoiler

 

The taste of alcohol? Fuck no!

The taste of booze? Fuck yes!

If by "other stuff" you mean mixers, then sometimes I do like the particular way Coke goes with Jack Daniels to create a unique spiciness, or how a little vermouth adds depth to a vodka. But, by "other stuff" you might also mean what makes the liquor liquor and not mere alcohol, the vanilla notes in a high end rum, the peppery flavors on the back of a vodka, the caramels of a bourbon, or the earthiness of scotch. The chemical compound of alcohol on its own, no, that's disgusting, but liquors, and beers, and wines, oh so good.

 

The greatest political speech ever given:

One if by land,
Two if by sea,
Three if by Congress,
And four if by whiskey!

 

Just got back from fireworks.

Had the most fucking annoying people on Earth sitting directly behind us. Their mongoloid children kept screaming out stupid shit, and they were doing sarcastic "oooooh! aaaaah!" after every single firework.

At one point, the mother says, "I bet the people in front of us are saying, 'Can't you all just go away?'" Of course, that didn't change a fucking thing about the behavior. Afterwards, my 7 year old says, "They were so annoying, I almost turned around and told them to shush."

 

I dunno if what I am watching is live but Steve Martin can really rock the banjo.

 

There are now three Asian people on my facebook feed complaining about mosquito bites after having gone camping.

Seriously, asian folks - you've already ruined skiing for me. Would you please leave the last bastion of white people alone?

 

Steve Martin is my personal hero. I saw him with Steep Canyon Rangers live last year and yes, he is amazing on the banjo. They did King Tut as an encore. Bad. Ass.

Comedy? Check. Drama? Check. Playwright? Check. Novelist? Check. Grammy awards for banjo? Check.

 

Every time I see an Asian girl, I complain about mosquito bites!

 

Oh god, now Chater owes you $250, doesn't he.

 

People who are into Dr. Who:

It sounds grand and all...but there sheer volume is kinda overwhelming. Every time I want to get into Dr. Who, I don't know where the fuck to start. Where can one "properly" begin watching the series? I don't actually have to start in the 1960s, do I?

 

I may get red dotted for this... but I never liked Dr. Who. Maybe it's just British production quality, but it always seemed cheap and campy.

I'm sure it had some really fantastic moments. That long of a history couldn't have failed to contribute many worthwhile ideas to science fiction, but the show was just never appealing to me. ...And I watched half of Voyager.

 

Blueberries? Should we start calling you Nancy? How much vicodin did the dentist give you?

Blueberries. Talk about abusing alcohol.

 

It's not even midnight and The Girlfrien is already passed out. I was also about to bitch aboutb some other stuff, but no one cares to read hat stuff.

Point is, happy birthday 'Merica, I'm drunk and getting drunker while watching Phish concert DVD's. Who's drinkin with me?!

 

Is it weird to get a text from a girl talking about the time she dumped you? Not really?

What if you never even knew you were dating?

 

I'mma........yokay.

 

Oh, snap! I got this one!

Many girls refer to rejecting you without dating as "dumping." It's a dumb girl thing, but I've seen this many times (too many times) before.

Bitches just be marginally literate.