Masturbating with a splintery broom handle might also be another reason. But shhh, we don't talk about that.
If you are looking for comedy gold on twitter look no further than my account: http://www.twitter.com/stffrmmatesays These are things that come up in everyday conversation with him. Best friend since 9th grade whoo. EDIT: I got featured on gorillamask.net once. Made my lifetime achievements list as an internet celebrity.
So in the spirit of sheer hilarity, I decided to sign up for a fake cougar account. As I was perusing the young 'cubs' I came across the profile of the dude I lost my virginity to. I'm not sure who should be most embarrassed about this...
So I took out my balls to smoosh on the window. A lesbian walked by and slapped my balls. That shit hurts.
Roommates?! I wish I had funny stories like you guys. My former roommate, a girl my age who I went to middle school with but wasn't really friends with, told me about a month before spring semester ended that she'd be moving out mid-May and she'd be subletting to someone else. Fine, great. We didn't really discuss it. Early May/late April, her mother shows up one night at about 11. And never left. The girl did what she said and moved out after graduation. But she didn't take her mother or her mother's 3 dogs with her. I have a dog, and have had a dog since before I moved in, but now there are 4 dogs living in our apartment. With a middle aged Mexican woman and, when she has the kids, her 2 5th grade-ish boys. When they first got up here I was sitting on the couch playing ps3, and one of them said to me "hey can you play that in the morning because I want to play now." Blew my fucking mind. I informed him that I could, in fact, play in the morning, but as I had payed with my own money for the television, speakers, stand, and Playstation, I would be playing now as well, and whenever I damn well pleased. Spoiled ass children. She fucking came in and filled my entire refrigerator, cabinets, pantry, and closet with her shit to the point where I can't buy frozen things because there is no room in my freezer. I had to explain that setting the thermostat in a Georgia summer to 72 was not an acceptable option. Her kids wake me up at 9 in the morning every day screaming about whose turn it is to play their DS, her 3 dogs bark all the goddamn time, including before 10 am when I am still hungover trying to enjoy sleeping in before summer classes start, and somehow I would still rather live with her than her daughter. The mom at least doesn't leave dishes in the sink for weeks at a time, and she pays me for the power bill on time. Best part of the whole situation? Not a single fucking word of explanation or forewarning. One day she just showed up, the daughter didn't say a damn thing, and she is still here. Fuck. Sorry for the rant, but you guys have funny comical roommates and I am drunk and jealous because I live with a 50 year old Mexican woman who is not my maid.