http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Tyler235 Online dating in theory to me is awesome, being able to be picky on everything and have the rejection be much easier. So far I haven't had much luck meeting girls I would want to sleep with. I tried to make my profile kinda fun. Maybe you all can help me out.
I can't believe how many of you people start off with non-starters. You're on a dating site to meet women and your first statement includes this, "To be honest I'm not sure where a girl fits into all this, but I'd like to meet someone and see what kind of chemistry we have"?!?! Got to lead off positively my man. I'd lose the "sarcastic comments" and "embarrassing others" lines. Try adding some of your hobbies and activities. Play up the doctor thing more, I hear it gets all women soaking wet.
I spent a solid hour crafting an absurd profile that should by all accounts be a complete turnoff. Spoiler (Yes, there's a Tucker reference in here. I don't care, shove it up your ass.) My self summary Talking about myself is easy, probably my favorite thing in the world. I'm a brilliant, hilarious, strikingly handsome, and blissfully well-endowed ubermensch who spends his days floating above the hoi polloi and rabblerousing of the plebians clearly beneath me on the social strata. I spend my time crafting witty remarks for obscure scenarios, so when I find myself in such a position I'm quick with a quip and thus misrepresent my own wit to the unknowing strangers I am quipping too. What I’m doing with my life Well, mostly working to feed my deep-seeded alcohol and drug obsessions (addiction is a harsh word, I can quit whenever I want.) I have two wonderful cats, who I care about more than anyone in the world. Seriously. If my cats told me (we talk) that throwing you off a building would make them 2% happier, I'd do it in an instant. I’m really good at Giving orders. You know, 'Grab me a beer', 'Make me dinner', 'This quesadilla you made isn't cheesy enough, make a new one', 'Well damnit now you put too much cheese on it, try again', 'Don't be condescending? The fuckin' box says microwave it for 3 minutes, how can I explain that without sounding condescending?', and 'Okay fine I'd eat the goddamn cold quesadilla but later tonight you're getting the A-beads. You know what I mean, missy, don't give me that face.' I'm also excellent at the ol' Rip N Slip. This is when you demand I wear a condom (much to my chagrin), but luckily there is a technical loophole to your demand: I must put it on, but you did not clarify that I had to KEEP it on. The Rip N Slip consists of a simple three step process to making bad decisions and passing on the numerous STDs that I posess (I'm trying to collect them all.) Step 1: Pull out Step 2: Rip it (the prophylactic) off Step 3: Slip it (my phallic majesty) back in Nearly everyone I've done it with (I keep a neatly organized Excel spreadsheet of each attempt) has not noticed, though to be fair all parties involved were heavily induced with some form of illicit substance. The first things people usually notice about me Is how independent I am. Everyone's always telling me that I should be alone, or how I'll never find someone to take care of me, and I think that's great! I don't want someone pulling me down, you know, like if life is bowling and I'm averaging a 300, why bring someone on to screw up my average? Women can't bowl a 300, that's just science. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Gossip Girl! Grey's Anatomy, Jersey Shore, Jersey Housewives, Jerseylicious, Jersey's Current Biography of Several Educated Members of Our Country Contributing to the Greater Wellbeing of Public Literacy, and Meet the Press. Favorite food? Burrito bowls from Chipolte. That's actually all I eat, so if you want to take me out to a fancy restaurant I'll accept your generous offer to pay, but I'll likely just run up a large wine bill then throw up the free bread in the bathroom and jump out the window to avoid paying for the janitorial fees. But thanks for the wine, I had a great time, call me! The six things I could never do without -My lovely cats, whom I love more than you and always will (don't forget it!) -My X-Box, which I play online nearly every waking moment. No, I don't want to see Sex and the City 2, I want to shoot xXBluntKillaXx in his smarmy fucking mouth, sitting up in that tower using a goddamn noob tube and talking shit into my headset like he runs the goddamn universe. I'm sorry, what were you saying? -My extensive comic book collection, all stored in cardboard long boxes and individually backboarded and sleeved so your greasy paws don't ruin Magneto's debut issue, you ungrateful cur. -My personal collection of mementos from past relationships, that I will pull out and look at wistfully, while sighing loudly whenever you disappoint me (I suspect this will occur daily) -My Fleshlight. -My rack of humorous shirts with edgy slogans on them. "I ran out of sick days, so I called in dead." Zing! Take that, corporate America! If they don't have words on them, they usually have badass looking wolves, either howling at the moon or stalking prey. I spend a lot of time thinking about I don't have time to mill out idly, thinking of dumb stuff, I'm too busy. My guild is World of Warcraft is always down to raid, so when do I have time to contemplate my navel? Get real. EDIT: My bad, that was a little too harsh. I'm a huge pro wrestling fan, so I spend my spare time (between raids) thinking about what John Cena is like backstage. No, I don't mean 'in real life' if that's your snarky attempt to tell me wrestling isn't real, LIKE ANYONE KNOWS FOR SURE, jeez. I think he's probably kinda boring, but a real sweetheart. On a typical Friday night I am GMing my Dungeons and Dragons campaign, this time I've got a great one cooked up. See, last time Melvin and Dennis were able to get around the Fortress of Eternal Darkness by using a pair of Dwarves in full plate mail (those Dexterity checks were a bitch lol!) but this time I'm going to put some Beholders guarding the side gate, let's see how well their platemail holds up to battle mages stacked to the chin (jk, Beholders don't have chins!) with Magic Penetration! Take that Dennis and Melvin, you fucking Munchkin min-maxing cheaters! The most private thing I’m willing to admit While I pretend to be straight, a deep urge inside me continually pulls me into male experimentations. I find myself sneaking out of my house and following the lights on Colonial to Mr. Sisters for $1 Long Islands, plus a fine selection of disco music and shirtless men. I'm not gay, I just enjoy a fine physique, you know? Besides, I feel like girls just don't get me. Those guys... they're some upstanding fellas, and jacked too! Sometimes (okay, more than that! lol!) I wish I was gay so it'd not so weird when we make out. But I'm not gay. I’m looking for Girls who like guys Ages 18-27 Near me Who are single For long-term dating, long-distance penpals, casual sex You should message me if You've made it this far and are even the least bit still interested. That means you're probably mentally broken with deep rooted familial issues, and therefore right in my ball park. I don't like playing games, so if you're the kind who gets right down to the sex then we're probably a good match. (And don't worry, I don't think you're a slut *wink*) Oh, but if we have sex, I'm going to film it. Also, I don't feel comfortable being naked around you because I feel like you have an ulterior motive, so like, I'd just feel better if I gave you some money afterwards so it felt like a business transaction. But don't take my money for real, just leave it on the coffee table on your way out. Thanks. You can show yourself the door. The result? 3 messages in the first day... one was fat, one was fat (oh, and a guy), and the third was fat (and a crazy cat lady). Swinging for the fences!
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.okcupid.com/profile" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.okcupid.com/profile</a> Just made it. Kind of curious how I come across I won't lie.
Well, you did mention that the first thing you could not do without was your cats. Could you have expected anything else to happen?
My profile's deactivated, but here's the content: Since I'm extremely happy in my current relationship, this is for your guys' entertainment more than anything else.
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rdend" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rdend</a> because I'm stupid and didn't put up the correct link otherwise. No wonder I'm alone.
I met my Fiance on this site. I've tried other sites in the past but it was always to much of a sausage fest. Not this one. All chicks. And they always write you back.
I'm really going to have to delete my browsing history so I don't have to have the "why have you been looking at online dating profiles of a bunch of 20 something dudes lately?" with the gf. A computer major that doesn't know how to link things, this will end well. Be more specific, are you talking about doing stand up? Reverse the order here: Loved ones Music Computer Everything else I can take or leave. That alone will take you from "geek that will care more about his computer than me" to "loving guy that is good with computers" I don't know dude, most of those chicks have kids, that's a deal breaker.
You know, considering your username, you show less sack around here then everybody else. Unless you have something to contribute, shut the fuck up.
You're a normal, good-looking guy, but it wasn't until your third picture that I learned what you look like. I would just make that your main profile image, or some other photo with a clear head shot.
You failed to mention in your profile that your drive a Miata. I would add that to the things you can't live without.
Oh sweet christ, why not? http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=21726618 I'm on POF as well as Match.com, and have had little responses and 0 dates. I must suck at life.
You mean that Miata I traded in last year, that I haven't had for close to 4 months? I can beat a dead horse too! What would you say your WPM is with a hairbrush in your hand? Check the date. And shut the fuck up.
Dude, in that second picture you're giving a look that can only be described as "sure there's candy in my pocket, want to check?" Either change the picture, or get a windowless van, some crocs and a pair of thick glasses and go all out with it.
Fuck yes: http://www.ladiesofthepen.com/7751-7765/7761.html AND she's willing to relocate. Ima go hook her up with my AFF profile.
Hands off. A fellow Russian girl living in my state who was born a few days before me? It must be fate! THANK YOU, LUKE 217! Somewhat Focus- I remember that a grad school friend of mine, a black girl in her late 20s, met her husband off of Eharmony.com. Obviously, I didn't mention this to her, but am I alone in thinking any dating site where you have to pay is really lame? What is the benefit, even?
The people who are on the pay sites are usually more serious about trying to meet potiential partners so it's generally easier to actually connect with people.